Steven Universe Reviews: Season 1 (Onion Trade/Steven the Sword Fighter)

The episode begins with Steven looking for one of his G.U.Y.S, which has nothing to do with the Lady Gaga song. It stands for “guys under your supervision”, they’re a range of toys that Steven collects. He’s looking for his favorite, Ranger Guy, but he can’t find it anywhere. He tells Greg about it, thinking that Greg will be upset, but Greg doesn’t seem to mind. Steven explains that this particular toy was from “our special day at the beach last summer? You bought him for me at the end of the day. He was one of a kind. He had a miscolored hat, how could you not remember?” Greg doesn’t remember, apparently, but when he sees how upset Steven is about it, he gives him a bag of quarters so he can buy another Ranger Guy.

It turns out G.U.Y.S are bought from a toy vending machine. Steven spends all of his quarters, but he doesn’t get a single Ranger Guy. He just gets a bunch of Dave Guys, which he says is the worst one. Yeah, it’s always like that with those things. You never get the one that you want. Anyway, he then sees Onion (what is Onion exactly? He’s so weird looking??) with a Ranger Guy. Onion is sitting waiting for his dad when Steven shows up and asks him if he’d like to trade his Ranger Guy for a Dave Guy. Onion refuses and asks for more, so Steven offers him a bag full of Dave Guys, but it’s not enough for Onion. Steven goes back home, trying to figure out a way to get more G.U.Y.S to trade with Onion. Amethyst gives Steven Pearl’s Replicator Wand so that he can makes copies of more Dave Guys.

However, Onion wants the Replicator Wand instead. Steven makes the trade, and quickly regrets it when Onion starts terrorizing the city by flooding it with Dave Guys created by the Replicator Wand,

The Gems try to convince Onion to drop the wand without success, but Steven is able to jump on Onion and cause him to drop the wand. He realizes that Onion had stolen his Ranger Guy to begin with and in the end, lets him keep it because he realizes all Onion does is “sit around and wait for his dad” and that he’s stolen the toy because he was lonely and bored. Garnet destroys the Replicator Wand, which causes all of the replicated items to disappear. As the Gems walk home, Greg approaches Steven and asks him why he went through all that trouble for a toy. Steven responds that he wanted it for the memories, but then says that he now has “new memories — horrible, horrible memories”.

Right, so, Onion being lonely and bored explains why he stole Steven’s Ranger Guy. Sort of. Ish. What it doesn’t explain is why he then TERRORIZED THE CITY AND TRIED TO KILL THE GEMS

Onion is very odd and I’m not entirely sure what to do with his character, which seems to be the point. I can’t even tell if he’s supposed to be human or not. Again, what even is Onion? I have a feeling he’ll end up being really important in some later episode. Right now he’s just kind of a weird and vaguely intriguing minor character.

This episode made me feel sort of nostalgic, because I can remember collecting toys like Steven did. I also remember how it felt when those toys went missing or were stolen (someone stole a bunch of Pokemon cards from me when I was a kid and I’m still not over it). I can sort of relate to a lot of what Steven does or goes through in this episode. Losing a favorite toy, being unable to get that toy again no matter how hard you try, feeling like it wouldn’t really be the same anyway because in the end it’s not so much about the toy as about the memories associated with it. Aside from the Replicator Wand and everything that happened with it, this episode feels really… real.

One last thing, I’d like to draw your attention to this exchange between Steven and his dad:

• Steven: I…lost something. Something precious.
• Greg: *gasp* Your innocence?!

Greg wtf

Rating: 7/10

Steven and the Gems are watching a Japanese movie called “Lonely Blade IV”, which Pearl doesn’t seem to be enjoying very much. She says that the sword techniques used in the film are not real or practical, and she offers to show Steven some real sword-fighting. Turns out Steven is very excited by this offer, so they set off right away.

Pearl creates a hologram of herself that acts as a training dummy, and she begins her demonstration.

I’m posting a clip of it because, well, I like Pearl’s demonstration. I like the fluidity and gracefulness of Pearl’s fighting style, how it looks almost dance-like. I’ve noticed that a lot of characters I like tend to have fighting styles like that, I suppose I have a type. The background music is nice too, it’s very fitting.

Steven is impressed by the demonstration and asks Pearl to teach him, so she commands holo!Pearl to go to training mode. She starts showing Steven some basic moves but he quickly becomes bored and wants her to teach him some of the moves from Lonely Blade IV. Pearl angrily tells Steven that those aren’t real moves, and while she’s distracted the hologram stabs her.

Trust nobody not even yourself

Everyone is horrified as Pearl disappears, leaving only her gem behind. Steven cries that it’s his fault, but Garnet and Amethyst assure him that Pearl will be okay. Apparently, if a gem’s physical form is damaged, they can retreat into their gems to recover and will eventually reappear fully formed. That’s interesting, I suppose a gem only truly dies if their gem is damaged in some way? Also, another question: it seems very impractical to me to have a training dummy that is actually capable of killing someone. Okay wait that wasn’t actually a question. But yeah, isn’t Pearl the one always fretting about safety, at least when it comes to Steven? So why have a training dummy that is actually capable of killing someone? There, that was a question. I guess Pearl wasn’t really expecting Steven to fight the hologram and she’s probably confident enough in her skill (with good reason) that she wouldn’t expect to lose. Still, it would have been smarter to at least give it a fake sword or something so it won’t do any real damage, right?

I’m getting off track now, where was I? Right, Pearl just got stabbed and she’s reforming in her gem.

Pearl takes weeks to reform and Steven misses her terribly, so he starts hanging out with holo!Pearl (which, oddly, did not disappear along with the real Pearl). Holo!Pearl is nothing like actual Pearl, however, and when Steven loses his temper at it one day he accidentally activates holo!Pearl’s fighting, which quickly goes from “basic mode” to “advance mode”. Steven narrowly avoids being killed by holo!Pearl and eventually manages to defeat it. Soon after this, Pearl reemerges from her gem, unscathed and with a new outfit.

This is an interesting episode. I like learning more about the Gems and their powers, and it’s nice to know a little more about how that immortality thing works. It’s a also a weirdly… well, maybe not “dark” but certainly not lighthearted. I mean, Pearl is effectively dead for most of the episode and Amethyst even comments on how she’s taking an abnormally long time to reform. We even see Pearl get impaled with the sword. There’s no blood, of course, but still, I was a little surprised that they actually showed it.

Overall I liked this episode a lot, it’s an interesting insight into how gems work, holo!Pearl is both funny and creepy, and I liked seeing how important Pearl is to Steven.

You know what’s odd about this episode, though? The title of it is “Steven the Sword Fighter” but Steven never does any actual sword fighting in this episode. He never even holds a sword.

Rating: 8/10

Steven Universe Reviews: Season 1 (So Many Birthdays/Lars and the Cool Kids)

After Steven discovers some photos of the Gems (including his mother, Rose Quartz) that are hundreds of years old, Pearl explains to him that gems are immortal. At least, they’re immortal in the sense that they won’t age and they won’t die naturally, but they can be killed. She also tells Steven that they don’t really celebrate birthdays, which shocks him. He insists on throwing birthday parties for all of them, despite Pearl’s protests. It doesn’t go quite as planned, however, since the Gems have a hard time understanding human customs to begin with and they’re too mature for a lot of the things Steven planned. This causes Steven to reflect on whether he himself is too old for all of these birthday traditions, and as he does so he starts to age rapidly until he is an old man on the brink of death. The Gems, upon finding him, try to return him back to normal, but end up arguing over the right way to do it. Steven scolds them for arguing and becomes younger as he speaks. They realize that Steven’s gem is reacting to his state of mind and they assure him that he does not need to force himself to grow up too quickly. Finally, Steven manages to return to normal.

This episode starts out lighthearted and funny, and then it gets weird and kind of dark.

First let’s point out some of the funny stuff, namely this scene:

God, Pearl is adorable here. She looks so distraught when she says, “Steven, are you telling lies?” I also love the disgusted look on Amethyst’s face.

Toward the end of the episode is when things start to get less lighthearted. It’s kind of disturbing watching Steven age like sixty years in the span of a few minutes, and seeing him almost at the end of his life when he’s supposed to be a kid. The Gems’ desperation and hopelessness doesn’t help. Seeing Pearl cry was especially sad for me. Pearl is too cute, I never want to see her cry.

This does raise some questions about Steven’s mortality, though. He can age, unlike the Gems, because he’s half-human, and presumably he would be able to die in ways that they can’t (food poisoning, for example). However, Steven’s Gem was affected by Steven’s mental state in this episode and aged him accordingly. If Steven always feels like a kid, will he always stay a kid? That’s actually kind of creepy, but then again immortality in any form has always been a little creepy to me.

Anyway, interesting episode overall, and probably the first one that’s made me think “This is a kids show, right?” in the same way Adventure Time used to.

Rating: 7.5/10

Because every kids show needs to have an episode about peer pressure and popularity, right?

We begin the episode with Steven and the Gems visiting a lagoon filled with dangerous, fast-growing, clinging moss that’s basically like Devil’s Snare in moss form. Apparently Rose planted it, because despite how dangerous it was she saw beauty in everything. The Gems put some police tape around the lagoon to prevent humans from wandering in.

Later, Steven runs into Lars, that asshole teenager who’s always picking on Steven even though Steven is never anything but friendly to him. Lars is apparently waiting for some “cool kids” to notice him. The cool kids are Jenny, who appears to be their leader, Buck Dewey and Sour Cream. When the cool kids leave without noticing Lars, Steven goes up to them (despite Lars’ protests) and starts talking to them. Apparently the cool kids like Steven, so they invite him and Lars to go for a ride with them.

Lars keeps trying way too hard to get the others to like him, resulting in them not taking to him. Lars keeps blaming Steven for his failure. Steven, on the other hand, is just being his offbeat self, so they take to him much more readily. At least until they get to the lagoon, where Steven warns them that they shouldn’t go in. Lars and the other laugh him off and enter the lagoon. Steven manages to restrain Lars but the others go into the moss and are immediately overtaken by it, which leads to one of my favorite moments so far.

• Steven: *gasps and notices hill in background* Lars, I know what we have to do.
• Lars: *ignores him* This is all your fault! *sighs, tears up* I knew if something went wrong today it would be because of you! Now I’m never going to be friends with these guys. All because of your…weird mom!
• (Steven’s eyes narrow in shock, and partially in rage, his posture and expressions become extremely aggressive, Lars backs off in surprise)
• Steven: *pokes at Lars’ chest* What do you know about my Mom?! I DIDN’T EVEN GET TO KNOW MY MOM! But I do know, she saw beauty in everything! Even in stuff like this *points at moss* and even in jerks like you! *Lars looks away ashamedly, Steven sighs* Now help me get them to the car.

I love this, not only for how the way-too-nice Steven calls out Lars for being a jerk, but for what Steven says about his mom. Whenever Rose Quartz is spoken about on this show, especially when being it’s being said to Steven, there’s always this sort of reverence and wistfulness to it. It’s clear that everyone loved and admired her, and Steven seems to realize how important Rose was to everyone. However, Steven himself never knew Rose. He’s learned about her from other people, but no matter how much people talk about her, he has never and will never really know her. I loved getting this little emotional outburst from Steven, it gives a little insight to how difficult his feelings for his mom must be.

So, Lars and Steven grab the others and make their way up the hill.  As the sun rises over the hill, the moss blooms into beautiful flowers that drift away. The cool kids are impressed, and Steven tells them that it was all Lars’ idea. So Lars gains their approval after all.

Lars. Let’s talk about this asshole. I actually like the character, at the moment at least. He’s sort of like Lumpy Space Princess or Zapp Brannigan in that he’s not likable but he’s such an exaggerated character that I can’t help finding him funny. Plus, I think it kind of helps that Lars is actually really pathetic so his bullying is rendered ineffective most of the time. Not that that makes it excusable, but it does make it easier to tolerate from an audience perspective. I don’t know, maybe Lars will grate on me in later episodes, I do feel like he’s a character I don’t want to see too much of, but right now I find him amusing.

I also want to talk about his relationship with Steven, though. Steven is obviously like Rose in at least one way: he also wants to see the good in everything and everyone. Even people like Lars, who Steven is unfailingly friendly to. Lars clearly knows he can advantage of Steven because of this. He’s constantly teasing Steven and is really quite mean to him, but Steven either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. However, I think Lars has gotten so used to getting away with anything where Steven in concerned that he didn’t realize that yeah, he can eventually cross a line even with Steven. That comment about Rose Quartz did cross a line with Steven, and Lars is obviously surprised by the reaction. This is a pretty common relationship dynamic, actually. If one person is able to get away with a lot, they’ll start getting bolder and pushing their luck, and then one day they push it too far and they’re surprised to find that the other person does in fact have limits.

I liked this episode a lot, I liked seeing some vulnerability from both Steven and Lars (the guy is obviously really insecure despite his attitude), and of course there’s the obvious message about how trying too hard to fit in is never a good idea. It’s an obvious message, but it is still a good one for kids.

Rating: 8.5/10

Steven Universe Reviews: Season 1 (Arcade Mania/Giant Woman)

In this episode, the Gems discover the joys of video games! Well, sort of. After Garnet single-handedly defeats a monster on one of their missions, Steven takes the gang to the arcade to celebrate. He sets Pearl up to racing game, which she does horribly at because she misses the point of the game and drives cautiously. He shows Amethyst skee ball which she enjoys, but she soon starts cheating to get prizes. He tries out a few games with Garnet but both end badly, so finally he shows her a a rhythm game (the game is called “Meat Beat Mania”… I’m just… I’m just not going to say anything about that) that she takes to immediately. Too much, in fact. She won’t leave when it’s time to go and doesn’t even seem to hear anyone. Later, the Gems and Steven are attacked by a monster that they need Garnet’s help to defeat. Steven must tear Garnet away from her game, which she seems to have been hypnotized by, and he eventually ends up needing to break it. He gets in trouble with the arcade owner for it, but it does snap Garnet out of her trance so she can defeat the monster.

So basically what I’m getting from this episode is that everyone would be helpless without Garnet.

Okay, but seriously, we do learn a little more about Garnet’s place in the Crystal Gems and how important she really is. Since she’s normally the one to announce new missions and often goes on difficult ones by herself, it’s pretty obvious that Garnet is the closest thing they have to a leader. She’s also, so it seems, the strongest and most skilled Gem, which is probably because she’s a fusion but of course I’m not supposed to know that yet. I can understand why Garnet would be the leader. She does seem to be the most stable, and I don’t think Amethyst and Pearl would be happy following orders from each other.

Watching the Gems react to video games is pretty funny. I mean, I find it a little surprising that Amethyst has never gotten into them before, but I like Pearl’s confusion over why she’s doing badly at her game and her horror when she finds out what the actual objective of it is. Garnet taking the first couple of games she tries (which were fighting games) way too literally and breaking them is funny too. It’s just exactly how you would imagine Pearl and Garnet reacting to games for the first time.

Rating: 7/10

We learn about fusion in this episode. While Pearl and Amethyst are playing checkers, they get into an argument about why they “don’t form Opal”. Steven asks them what they mean, and they explain that Opal is their fusion form.

• Steven: *jumps in between them* Guys! Guys! What is Opal?
• Amethyst: Oh it’s the two of us, mashed together.
• Pearl: *scoffs* Is water just Hydrogen and Oxygen “mashed” together? *Amethyst and Steven look clueless*…analogy wasted. Look here Steven *manipulates the sand to demonstrate* When we synchronize our forms we can combine into a powerful fusion gem named Opal.
• Amethyst: *stomps sand* Except I don’t dance like that.
• Pearl: *annoyed* Amethyst.
• Steven: Wow, that’s so cool! But tell me more about Opal!
• Amethyst: Well Steven, she’s an ultra powerful, stone cold Betty. That part’s me. And she’s like, kinda tall, *whispers* that part’s Pearl.
• Pearl: What Amethyst is attempting to say is, Opal is an amalgam of our magical and physical attributes fused into a single entity.

So, at least now I understand what a fusion is a little more.

Later, Garnet sends Pearl, Amethyst and Steven on a mission to retrieve the Heaven Beetle from the Sky Spire while Garnet goes alone to retrieve the Earth Beetle. While on their mission, Steven attempts to keep the peace between Pearl and Amethyst while also trying to convince them to form Opal. He’s been obsessed with seeing Opal since he found out about her. Pearl and Amethyst are both adamant about not forming Opal unless absolutely necessary, but of course by the end of the episode they end up needing to fuse.

… Is it me or is Opal pretty hot?

When Opal and Steven return to the house, Garnet asks them if they have the Heaven Beetle. Opal realizes with horror that she doesn’t have it, and the emotion forces Pearl and Amethyst apart. Defused once again, Pearl and Amethyst begin to bicker about who’s faults forgetting the Beetle was, but luckily Steven has the Heaven Beetle.

This may change in the future, but at the moment Pearl and Amethyst are tied for my favorite character. Which I suppose it kind of funny since they’re foils to each other. (I’m also aware of how much hate Pearl gets in the fandom because of later episodes, but this wouldn’t be the first time that I’ve loved a female characters who gets a lot of fandom hate and it certainly won’t be the last. Sigh.)

I would have liked this episode anyway just for being all about Amethyst and Pearl, but the fact that it introduces the concept of fusion makes me like it even more. Fusion sounds pretty interesting. I like the idea that a fusion can only work if both gems (can a fusion consist of more than two gems?) are fully compatible and willing. Pearl and Amethyst’s first attempt at fusing in this episode didn’t work because neither was truly willing to work together or adapt to each other. Steven being in danger forced them to get over that, but they’re forced apart easily after a small disagreement. So I guess certain fusions are less stable than others, depending on how well the gems involved can cooperate. Pearl and Amethyst are probably too different and too prone to arguments with each other for Opal to be stable for long.

We don’t get to see a whole lot of Opal, but I like that in the short time that we do see her we can see ways in which she’s like both Pearl and Amethyst. She has Pearl’s grace and sophistication but she seems to have Amethyst’s playfulness as well. Her design, too, has elements of both Amethyst and Pearl. Amethyst’s lips and amazing hair with Pearl’s tallness and cute bird nose makes for a nice design, it turns out.

I hope we’ll see Opal again in later episodes, she’s so cool-looking it would be a shame if we never saw her again.

Rating: 9/10

Steven Universe Reviews: Season 1 (Tiger Millionaire/Steven’s Lion)

The episode begins with the Gems returning from a mission, and Pearl is yelling at Amethyst for being too childish. Garnet doesn’t yell, but she does calmly tell Amethyst that she needs to act more like a Crystal Gem. Honestly Garnet’s comment is more devastating than Pearl’s yelling, I don’t blame Amethyst for storming away. Later that night, Steven sees Amethyst sneaking out and follows her. She goes to a wrestling match (she transforms to look more like your typical wrestler and apparently calls herself “Purple Puma”) and Steven watches her win her matches with ease. Afterward Steven comes forward and asks Amethyst about her secret wrestling. She explains that she does this because in the ring she can do whatever she wants and no one can yell at her. It’s a way for her to vent and to have fun without being treated like a child. She asks Steven to keep this secret from Pearl and Garnet. Steven agrees, but he also wants to join Amethyst’s secret wrestling.

So, Steven’s persona is “Tiger Millionaire”, and basically he just acts like a rich asshole. He and Amethyst do well together, but Steven’s persona starts to get a little out of hand. He doesn’t mean for it to, he thought it was all in good fun, but one of his interactions with a fan goes a little too far. Steven immediately feels horrible and is unhappy that everyone hates him (or at least his persona), though Amethyst tells him it doesn’t matter.

Garnet and Pearl show up to Amethyst and Steven’s last match and they scold Amethyst for using her Gem powers on humans. Steven tells Garnet and Pearl (as well as the crowd) about Amethyst’s “backstory” to give them a better understanding of why Amethyst wrestles. Realizing how important it is to her, Garnet and Pearl decide to play along and let Amethyst win against them in a wrestling match. Steven is forgiven by the crowd and Amethyst, Garnet and Pearl make up and it all wraps up nicely.

I guess this episode is our first look at what will probably be a big part of Amethyst’s character development. I like how at the beginning of the episode, when Pearl and Amethyst are arguing, it’s only after Garnet makes her comment that Amethyst seems to really be effected. Pearl scolds Amethyst all the time, at this point it’s probably easy for Amethyst to ignore it or at least to see it as just Pearl being Pearl and nothing more. When Garnet, who rarely scolds her, says in her blunt, straightforward way that Amethyst needs to get her act together, it holds a lot more weight.

Pearl and Garnet do sort of have a point, Amethyst is childish and irresponsible. But at the same time, Garnet and especially Pearl often treat her like she’s an out of control child  or even a pet so I can’t help wondering how much of her behavior is Amethyst acting out against them and how much of it is actually who she is. It’s probably half and half. Either way she needs some kind of outlet, and I like that Pearl and Amethyst realize that in the end.

This is a good episode for Amethyst, and the wrestling homages are pretty amusing too.

Rating: 8/10

Steven and the Gems are walking through a desert, one with a bunch of sandstone columns that crumble and rebuild at random. The Gems leave Steven on his own to go and investigate something, and during their absence a mystical pink lion appears. Steven is frightened of it at first, but soon realizes that the lion isn’t interested in attacking him and in fact seems gentle. Steven befriends it, but when the Gems come back (with a pillow that was previously powering something known as the Desert Glass) Steven must say goodbye to it.

Later, Steven finds that the pink lion has followed him home. Steven is overjoyed and tries to play with the lion as well as show it to everyone in town, but the lion seems unwillingly to participate in any of these things. It soon becomes apparent that the lion was trying to get the Desert Glass. Hurt by this, Steven throw the Desert Glass off the balcony and onto the beach. The moment it touches the sand, sandstone columns start to appear around it. Steven ends up trapped inside it and realizes he must remove the Desert Glass from the top of the tower. The lion appears at his side to help him, as it turns out the lion was really trying to protect them from the Desert Glass all along. Once the Desert Glass is retrieved, all the sand structures crumble. Steven asks the Gems if he can keep the lion as a pet and they sort of agree? At least they don’t give a direct no. So I guess Steven has a pet now.

Hey, so, we learn something about Gems from Amethyst in this episode: they don’t need to sleep. They can sleep and Amethyst enjoys napping, but they don’t need it.

Another thing to note is that joke at the end about how Garnet and Pearl “kept Amethyst”. Like she was their pet. Just pointing that out.

Aside from those two notes, this is the first Steven Universe episode that I don’t like all that much. Not that it’s bad per se, it just wasn’t very interesting. It felt slow and there’s not a lot going on, it was easy to feel bored with it.

The ending with Steven and the lion trying to reach the Desert Glass at least was kind of fun to watch, and the scene in the pizza restaurant was kind of funny, but aside from that this episode is basically just watching Steven hang out with a pink lion. I get the feeling that this lion is going to end up being really significant in a later episode, but we’ll see.

Rating: 5/10

Steven Universe Reviews: Season 1 (Bubble Buddies/Serious Steven)

Clearly I’m doing a great job with getting these out more quickly.

This episode is our first introduction to Connie, this little cutie:

Seriously, she is so adorable. And Steven has a huge crush on her, which is also pretty adorable. After a bad attempt at trying to impress her, Steven runs into the house embarrassed. The Gems realize that Steven has a crush and Pearl and Amethyst are all for setting up a playdate (Pearl says they need to find out what Connie’s favorite tea is, bless Pearl) but Garnet says Steven should just talk to Connie. Steven takes a bracelet out of the fridge (we’ll find out why later) and then goes over to where Connie is. As he approaches her, the cliffs behind her start to crumble. He jumps to rescue her and his gem activates, creating a pink bubble shield around them. Unfortunately, Steven doesn’t know how to deactivate the bubble, nor does he want to ask the Gems for help, so he and Connie try to find another way of breaking it.

After hitting the bubble with a chair and shooting a harpoon at it doesn’t work, Steven comes up with a new idea. He takes Connie to the amusement park, thinking that something there can pop the bubble.

• Steven: Yeah! Tons of horrible accidents happen here everyday! There’s gotta be something to break this bubble. We just gotta find the right ride. Yeah, the kiddy coaster! Alright, we just roll down this ramp as the carts are coming at us, and the crash will break us free!
• Connie: What happens after the bubble pops?
• Steven: We’ll be free!

Steven, NO

Right, so the two of them end up being launched into the middle of the ocean. And while trying to roll themselves back to shore, they fall into a trench created by a sea monster. Connie finally snaps at Steven that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, and that she’s probably going to die without ever having made a single friend. Aw, Connie! As Connie cries Steven pulls out the glowing bracelet from before. He says that he saw her drop it at a parade one day and that he’d been waiting for an opportunity to return it to her. He even kept it in the fridge so it would last longer. This whole scene is really cute, if you can ignore the nonsensical transition of Connie crying about dying to saying “It’s okay, I’m having fun!” Just then the bubble pops and Steven and Connie immediately swim back to shore. They’re attacked once again by the sea monster, which is attracted to the bracelet, but they manage to defeat it. When the Gems show up, Connie tells them how incredible Steven was.

So, something I find notable about this show in general but haven’t had a chance to mention yet. The animation is pretty… muted? For the backgrounds and colors in particular. I mean, if you actually look at the way the backgrounds are drawn in this show, they tend to not be very detailed.

They almost look like they’re unfinished, and even the colors tend to be sort of faded and muted, at least compared to Adventure Time, where everything about the animation was vibrant and colorful and in-your-face. I’m not saying this is a bad thing for Steven Universe, though. Quite the opposite, I find the backgrounds quite pretty, and the fact that they’re more subtle pulls your focus to the characters, who are more vibrantly animated.

Anyway, on to Bubble Buddies. Which unfortunately has a name very similar to a SpongeBob episode and that may get confusing. Connie, as mentioned earlier, is adorable, and she seems like she’ll make a good friendly foil to Steven. She’s calmer and more logical than he is, and she’s already being set up as the voice of reason when she’s with him.

Connie is cute, Steven is cute, the bracelet scene is cute, the whole episode is cute.

Rating: 7.5/10

The episode begins with Steven in Funland, the amusement park. The teacups ride has apparently had an accident, with the teacups having flown out of position with riders still in them. The episode then moves forward to two weeks later. Odd. Steven is with the Gems on a mission, apparently a very serious one. They come to their destination, an upside down pyramid, and head inside. Steven finds a strange, smaller pyramid and touches it, causing it to flip over, and causing everyone inside to gravitate towards a hole in the ceiling. They fall into a room with many doors, and Pearl suggests they split up. Pearl wants to stay with Steven, but Garnet insists on taking him with her while Pearl and Amethyst go together.

Each of the rooms has a dangerous trap in them, and it quickly becomes apparent that Steven is in over his head. Garnet does most of the work while Steven is in constant need of saving. In one room, Steven has a flashback to his time at Funland, where Steven had gotten sick on the teacup ride and fallen out, breaking the lever of the ride and thus accidentally destroying it. In the present, the Gems find themselves in the same room they started in. Pearl says that she and Amethyst have tried multiple doors, but they all end up leading back here. At this point Steven, who is obviously terrified, has a breakdown and says “You were all right about me. I wanted to do this so bad, but now I feel like I’m gonna throw up. This is just like the teacups!” While the Gems reassure him that he’s doing fine, Steven realizes that this is like the teacups ride, with all of the rooms spinning around so they always end up in the same place. Garnet breaks through the floor and they all fall into a large mechanism that causes the temple’s rooms to rotate. Garnet throws Steven at the center and he removes the gem controlling it, which causes the temple to explode. Once freed, the Gems compliment Steven on his ingenuity.

So, Steven obviously isn’t as experienced or as skilled as Pearl, Garnet or Amethyst, hence why Pearl didn’t want to take him along at all and also why Garnet spent most of this episode making sure he didn’t die. It doesn’t help that Steven is still immature and a kid. I mean, Amethyst acts pretty childish, but at least she is an adult (technically? I’m assuming?) and she’s powerful and has control over her abilities. Steven doesn’t have any of that. What he does have is ingenuity. He mind works differently from the Gems, and that’s usually what ends up saving him in past episodes as well as this one. He just needs to learn to actually use his abilities.

This episode got me thinking about Steven’s relationship with each of the Gems. They all have very different approaches in how they deal with him. Pearl is constantly anxious and worried when it comes to Steven, always wanting to protect him from everything and not really trusting him. Amethyst likes playing and having fun with Steven, but doesn’t seem to take him very seriously and can be irresponsible where he’s involved. Garnet seems to be more supportive of Steven, but she also seems very detached from… well, everything. The three of them together kind of balance each other out, but being with only one of them for too long could end up being disastrous.

This is a really enjoyable episode. The temple is an interesting place, it’s pretty exciting, and we get to see Garnet being both a total bad ass and an absolutely adorable mom to Steven.

Rating: 8.5/10

Steven Universe Reviews: Season 1 (Frybo/Cat Fingers)

Sorry these have been coming out so slowly, everyone. You’d think being on vacation would mean I’d be writing these faster and more frequently, but all it’s done is make me lazier. I’ll have to rectify that.

The episode begins with Steven searching for his pants, when Pearl comes in. She’s looking for a Gem Shard that has gone missing. She tries to explain to Steven how dangerous it is, but Steven isn’t paying any attention. The Shard apparently has the power to control garments of clothing that it comes in contact with. Well. We all know where this is going. Pearl leaves to continue searching and she warns Steven to watch out for the Shard. Steven finds his pants, which have come alive due to the Shard in the pocket. He gets them on and removes the Shard, which makes his pants go back to normal. He realizes that the Shard is the thing Pearl was talking about and goes to find her. Too bad he missed the part where Pearl said the Shard was extremely dangerous.

On his way, he runs into his friend Peedee Fryman. Peedee is the son of someone who owns a fast-food shop, and Peedee is being forced to dress as a giant container of fries (they call it “Frybo”) to promote the restaurant. Peedee hates this job, it wasn’t exactly what he had in mind when he told his dad he wanted to be part of the family business. Steven comes up with the idea of putting the Shard in the costume so the he and Peedee can do whatever they want. They do so, give the now-alive Frybo the order to “go make people eat fries”, and then run off to the rides that Peedee was so fond of previously.

• (PeeDee and Steven ride on the Seahorse and Jellyfish rides respectively, to which PeeDee quickly becomes disappointed in)
• Peedee: This seahorse used to make me so happy. Now it’s just giving me whiplash. *ride stops* I feel like there’s just no point to it, you know what I mean?
• Steven: *shaking from ride* I just feel tingly!
• Peedee: *sighs* You’ll understand when you have a job.
• Steven: *ride ends* I do have a job, I protect humanity from magic and monsters and stuff!
• Peedee: I mean a real job, that you get paid for.
• Steven: I get paid in the smiles across the town’s faces!
• Peedee: I don’t see anyone smiling. You pick up a job to buy a house or raise kids or to…impress your Dad. You work away your life and what does it get you?
• Steven: Smiles in faces?
• Peedee: No, you get cash, cash that can’t buy back what the job takes, not if you rode every Seahorse in the world. *sighs*

Well. I mean. Peedee’s not wrong.

Suddenly they hear distant screams coming from the restaurant. They go check it out and, as suspected, Frybo is wreaking havoc. It took its order to make people eat fries too literally. It keeps forcing fries into people’s mouths. Peedee’s dad, Mr. Fryman, doesn’t realize that Peedee isn’t actually in the costume and thinks this is happening because he pushed Peedee too hard. He apologizes and says that Peedee is “a valued member Fryman Brothers Incorporate and all its affiliates!” Pearl suddenly appears and figures out that Steven must have put the Shard in the Frybo costume. She summons her spear and throws it into Frybo’s eye, which causes ketchup to splatter out of it and into her face, blinding her.

I know it’s only ketchup but holy shit.

Pearl drops the remaining Shards, and Steven takes a bunch of them to put in his clothes. He then commands his clothing to attack Frybo, eventually overwhelming it so Steven is able to rip the Shard out of it.

Right, so, Frybo is fucking terrifying.

I have to wonder if this episode was really made with kids in mind. I’m not just talking about Frybo, although that is definitely part of it, I’m talking about what Peedee said about his job. It’s kind of heavy, and I feel like it would go over most kids’ heads. I mean, it went over Steven’s head.

I think almost everyone, at some point in their lives, is going to have a job that they hate, and they’ll stay there for a while, maybe years, because they need the money and trying to look for another job would be a pain in the ass. There’s a certain point where “do it for the money” isn’t enough of a reason though. And that point can be different for different people. The problem is, even once you reach that point, quitting might not be as easy as it sounds, depending on your situation. It can be hard to tell when a job is really worth quitting and when you should suffer through it.

Peedee probably doesn’t have any problems with money. He’s like, what, ten? I’m just guessing here. (Speaking of which, has Steven’s age been brought up yet?) The issue is that he’s pressured by his family, particularly his dad. He’s miserable at his job, and even after leaving it he’s been so effected by it that he can’t enjoy anything he used to enjoy. That’s pretty messed up considering he’s a kid. At least it seems to have ended well for him. The resolution between him and his dad is sweet, if a little bit cheesy. But considering how dramatic the whole Frybo ordeal ended up being, it actually works.

Rating: 7/10

In this episode, Amethyst tries to teach Steven how to shape-shift. Apparently all Crystal Gems have this power. I thought this power was specific to Amethyst, since she’s the only one we’ve ever seen using it. Does that mean Pearl’s holograph power is universal among Gems too? Amethyst tells Steven her method of shape-shifting and he gives it a try. He attempts to transform into a cat, but all he manages to do it turn his finger into a small cat. The cat finger is sentient, which is really creepy ’cause like… how does that work? What is cat finger’s anatomy exactly? We see it eat in a later scene so does it have a stomach? Where does the food go?! I NEED TO STOP OVER-THINKING THIS

Steven shows his cat finger to his dad, who is freaked out by it but tries to be supportive for Steven. Later, Steven starts making more cat fingers until all of his fingers have been turned into tiny cats. That’s when he realizes that this isn’t actually so cool anymore, as cat fingers don’t work very well as actual fingers. The Crystal Gems eventually catch sight of Steven’s fingers and Pearl wants to help him right away, but the Gems have an important mission that can’t wait. Pearl tells Steven that they’ll help him as soon as they return. While the Gems are gone, Steven loses control over his cat fingers. Cats start sprouting all over his body and trying to take over it.

Not knowing what else to do, Steven goes to see Greg.

• Steven: Dad! *starts tearing up* Help! The cat fingers are taking over my body!
• Greg: Hold on, I’ll get you out of there! *a cat bites him and throws him to the side*
• Steven: No! Bad! Bad cat fingers!* he steps in a puddle and the cats makes him jump to the roof*
• Greg: Can’t you make them go away?
• Steven: I tried, but it made it worse! My life is over! I can’t go on magic adventures! I can’t even open the fridge! And I’ll never get to have another water fight with you dad! Because these things hate…water! They hate water! Dad, spray me again! *Greg sprays him and he jumps down. Then, the cats run towards Greg*
• Greg: Aaahahahaaahhh!
• Steven: It’s not enough water! *gasp* Turn on the super-wash!
• Greg: No, I won’t do it! It’s too dangerous!
• Steven: You’ve got to! I’m a monster! I’m an adorable cat monster! *Greg starts tearing up*
• Greg: No you’re not! You’re my son!

Sorry but that last line is adorable.

Greg turns on the super-wash and the cats eventually disappear, and everything goes back to normal.

Well. This is why I’m a dog person.

Both these episodes seem to be this weird mixture of horrifying and sweet, but you know what I like about this episode? I like the fact that we’re reminded that Greg’s kid is technically an alien, or at least part alien, and there are all kinds of things about Steven and his life that Greg can’t possibly understand and he’s obviously a little freaked out about all of it. And yet, Greg is still the most loving and supportive dad Steven could ask for.

Greg tries so hard. It’s obvious that he’s trying so hard. He wants to be there for Steven. He wants to be happy for Steven even when he’s freaked out. He’s not perfect, but he’s trying, and he’s doing pretty well so far all things considered. I mean he saw his son as a mutant cat monster and he barely hesitated to do what he could to help. Greg is honestly such a nice dad, and I feel like we don’t see dads like him enough in most shows? Especially when said dad doesn’t technically raise their kid?

Rating: 7/10

Steven Universe Reviews: Season 1 (Cheeseburger Backpack/Together Breakfast)

The episode begins with Steven receiving  package in the mail: a backpack shaped like a cheeseburger. He bought it because the Gems never let him come on world-saving missions with them because he can’t use his powers yet, but he think that if he can be useful by carrying supplies they might let him come along.

Steven arrives home to find the Gems about to leave again. Pearl explains to him that they need to put the Moon Goddess Statue at the top of the Lunar Sea Spire before midnight, when it will collapse. Steven wants to come along, but Pearl thinks it will be too dangerous for him. Amethyst points out that it could be educational for Steven though, so it’s agreed that Steven can come along and carry the Moon Goddess Statue in his backpack. Steven packs some other supplies and the group teleports to the Spire.

The Spire isn’t in great shape. It’s falling apart. Pearl says it wasn’t like that 100 years ago. So Crystal Gems are immortal right? At least in the sense that they don’t age or die naturally. Anyway, almost immediately upon arriving, Steven nearly gets himself killed. Pearl wants to take him back home right away, but then decides against it and instead warns Steven to take this trip more seriously. The Gems come to their first obstacle, which is that they can’t even get into the Spire to begin with. The Spire sits in a whirlpool, and Garnet explains that “The magic that sustains the whirlpool creates a vortex that will pull us below.” So they can’t cross it. Steven pulls some sweaters out of his backpack and ties them together as a rope. He then throws it toward the Spire so he can use it to make sure he doesn’t get pulled down. It works and the Gems follow suit using Amethyst’s whip.

The next obstacle is an infestation of Crystal Shrimp. Pearl starts coming up with an attack plan to get through them, but Steven instead pulls a bagel out of his backpack and distracts the shrimp with that. Oh, also, I guess Pearl is able to make holographic projections with her gem. Interesting. They come to a river, and the Gems immediately expect Steven to pull useful something out of his backpack. He pulls out a raft, but when he sets it on the river it immediately gets swept away by the current and goes over a waterfall. Garnet kicks over a column to use as a bridge instead, but she compliments Steven on the raft idea anyway.

Finally they get to the top of the Spire. Steven starts looking through his backpack for the Moon Goddess Statue… only to realize that he doesn’t have it. Oh my God, seriously?! That was like, the whole point of coming to the Spire and you forgot it. Actually, that probably would have happened to me. They try to put a stuffed animal of Steven’s in place of the Moon Goddes Statue in the hopes that it may work as a replacement. It doesn’t. Steven is upset that he screwed up so badly but the Gems reassure him that he did great, half of his ideas were successful. The Spire collapses and floods, and the raft that they had lost floats up to the surface, giving them a way home (albeit a long one).

So, the first two episodes seemed to mainly be for setting up characters and relationships. These two seem to be along the same lines, but with a little bit more world-building.

This episode shows us a little bit about where the Crystal Gems come from. As we find out from Pearl, the Lunar Sea Spire was an important place for the Gems, but it unfortunately was abandoned and started collapsing. It’s sort of sad to see the Spire this way, knowing what it meant to the Gems and seeing Pearl’s distressed reaction to the way it looks now. I don’t think the episode ever explains exactly why it was abandoned, unless I missed that part, but I’m guessing it has something to do with the Moon Goddess Statue disappearing, since returning it to the shrine was apparently supposed to fix things. Which raises some question about how the Moon Goddess Statue went missing to begin with and where the Gems found it.

I liked seeing how Steven was able to be useful even without powers, just with ingenuity. I mean, he did screw up big time in the end, but even then I like that while the Gems are definitely upset about what happened, they also take the time to tell Steven that his other ideas were good, and it’s okay that he screwed up a few things. Even if one of those things was really big. That kind of seems to be a theme with this show, making mistakes and not being perfect is okay.

Rating: 7.5/10

Steven has prepared breakfast for the Gems: a stack of waffles with syrup, whipped cream, popcorn, and a strawberry on top. So, the popcorn thing… do people actually do that? Does anyone put popcorn on their maple syrup and waffles? That sounds gross. I hope no one actually does that. Anyway, the Gems are all out and Steven really wants them all to eat breakfast together. Garnet arrives home first, but she says she has to go into the Temple to burn something. The Temple is where the Gems live and form their base, but Steven isn’t allowed inside it. Pearl and Amethyst arrive home next (and Amethyst can shapeshift?) and both disappear inside the Temple as well.

Steven manages to get inside, and the rest of the episode is basically Steven trying desperately to get all of the Gems together to eat breakfast while Pearl tries desperately to get him out of the Temple. And Amethyst tries to eat the breakfast without waiting for everyone else so Steven has to run from her. He ends up in the Crystal Heart chamber, which is exactly what it sounds like. It connects all of the rooms of the Temple together and is apparently dangerous because Pearl freaks out when she find him there. He ends up sliding down into another chamber, where we see Garnet burning the thing. Whatever it is. Pearl and Amethyst, who followed Steven down, try to tell Steven that they should leave. Instead, Steven calls out to Garnet, excited that they’re all finally in the same room. Garnet is distracted, which allows whatever thing she was trying to get rid of to escape. Steven’s breakfast ends up being possessed by whatever it was and becomes a gigantic breakfast monster. Okay then. The Gems and Steven defeat it, and Steven apologizes. The episode ends with the Gems remaking the breakfast, but then deciding that they have no appetite for it anymore. They order pizza instead.

So. This Temple. First of all, the design of it is really pretty and super cool-looking. Second of all, I noticed that the door to the Temple has five gems in it, each corresponding to one of the Crystal Gems, and they need to use their gem to get inside. The door has a ruby and a sapphire on it, and Garnet uses both of them to get inside it. So I guess this is our first hint that Garnet is a fusion. Third of all, the door opens a different way for each of the Gems. For Pearl it splits open neatly, for Amethyst it kind of… melts apart and looks sticky, for Garnet it splits open in three pieces. That’s kind of a cool detail.

Presumably there was a room for Rose in the temple, and her corresponding gem is still in the door. Steven has the same gem as his mother, so I guess when he learns to use his powers consistently he’ll be able to take her room. For now, however, he apparently isn’t allowed in the temple at all. I wonder why that is? What’s so dangerous about it?

Aside from giving us a neat look at the Temple, this episode is pretty cute. You have to feel a little bad for Steven, he just wants to have breakfast with his moms.

Rating: 7.5/10

Steven Universe Reviews: Season 1 (Gem Glow/Laser Light Cannon)

The first thing we see of our main character, Steven, is him crying over the fact that his favorite ice cream sandwiches are no longer being made. Incredible.

Anyway, Steven goes home to find Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst fighting off some “Centipeetles” that have invaded. Steven goes to the freezer and opens it to find boxes of Cookie Cats, the ice cream sandwiches he loved so much. Apparently the Gems knew Steven would be upset about them not being sold anymore, so they stole a bunch of them for him. Well, Amethyst stole them. Pearl went back and paid for them later. Steven is so happy that he makes up a rap about the Cookie Cats (no really, this kid is such a dork I already love him) and then takes a bite out of one. As he does, his gem (which is in his belly button) starts to glow.

So, the Gems all have actual gems somewhere on their body, and I guess this is the source of their power? Whatever their power is. Oh, and their weapons come directly out of their gems, but they need to learn how to retrieve their weapons first. Steven doesn’t know how to use his gem powers yet. When his gem glows Pearl, Amethyst and Garnet tell him to try getting his weapon out of it but Steven doesn’t know how. After a while his gem stops glowing and his chance is gone. So, the gems try to help him out for next time.

Okay so there’s so much I like about this part. I like Amethyst saying “Did Pearl tell you the petal thing?”, implying that Pearl tried giving the petal explanation to someone more than once. I like how when Amethyst breaks the dumpster with her whip, the store clerk says “Again?!”, implying that Amethyst has done this more than once. I like how all three of the gems give advice that’s actually not helpful at all, I mean could they try any harder to confuse Steven?

Steven decides instead to try reenacting what was going on the first time his gem glowed. It works, which leads him to believe that Cookie Cats are how he summons his weapon. Oh, and his weapon is a shield because apparently Steven is Captain America. Whoa, they even have similar first names. Steven and Steve. Coincidence? I think not.

Suddenly the ground starts rumbling, and the gems look outside to see a giant Centipeetle. Pearl, Amethyst and Garnet tell Steven to stay inside while they go out to fight, but Steven wants to help. He grabs the freezer full of Cookie Cats and and follow the Gems out. The Gems aren’t doing so well. They’re kind of getting their asses kicked. Steven gets the Centipeetle’s attention and eats another Cookie Cat to try and summon his weapon again, but it doesn’t seem to be working this time. He desperately eats the rest of the Cookie Cats but gets no results. He ends up throwing the freezer at the Centipeetle, which electrocutes it. The Gems are then able to defeat it easily. Steven is distraught over the loss of his Cookie Cats and over the fact that he still hasn’t figured out how to summon his weapon. The Gems reassure him that he’ll figure it out some day, and we end the episode with Steven puking from eating too much.

I can’t help comparing this to the first Adventure Time episode, where we were just thrown into this very strange world with no explanation of how any of it worked. Steven Universe does kind of throw us into the middle of things, but we do get more context and information than we did for Adventure Time. At least, we get a bit of info about how the Gems’ powers work, and we get some set up for what I’m guessing is going to be a big part of Steven’s role and development: learning to use his powers.

This episode also does a decent job of setting up the character’s personalities. We don’t get much on them, but we get that Steven is the innocent optimist, Pearl is smart and poised but seems a bit uptight, Amethyst is the fun-loving one who doesn’t seem to take most things seriously (I’m guessing she and Pearl are going to be argue a lot), and Garnet is… the laidback and cool but also weirdly intense one?

For a first episode, I think this one was pretty good. It’s enjoyable enough and it’s a decent set up for what’s to come. Plus, I already like all of the characters, so that’s nice.

Rating: 7.5/10

A giant glowing ball that the Gems refer to as a Red Eye is heading toward earth. Apparently the only way they can destroy it is with Rose Quartz’s laser light cannon. Unfortunately, no one know where it is. Plan B is to throw Amethyst at the Red Eye. She just bounces off it and falls, so they launch her again and again. Brilliant.

Meanwhile, Steven wants to find Rose’s cannon, so he goes to see his dad, thinking he might know where it is. His dad’s name is Greg Universe. Greg Universe. I did not know his last name was “Universe”. That is so cool. I mean in hindsight I guess I should have guessed since the show is called Steven Universe but I guess I just thought that was a title. Anyway, Steven tells Greg the situation and Greg says he might have the cannon somewhere in his storage unit. The episode is basically the two of them looking for the cannon while Greg talks to Steven about Rose. It’s actually really cute. Greg talks about Rose like she was the best thing to ever happen to him and he can’t believe how lucky he was to have met her and for her to like him. It’s pretty sweet, honestly. Greg also mentions that Rose gave up her physical form so she could give birth to Steven. So… I guess I’ll find out more about what that means?

When they find the cannon, they bring it back to the Gems, who are still trying to launch Amethyst at the Red Eye, which is getting dangerously close. They set up the cannon, but have no way of activating it. They try using Steven’s gem, which is the same as Rose’s, but even that didn’t work. Greg tries to reassure Steven that they’ll figure out something else, and Steven repeats what Greg had told him earlier in the episode: “If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs.” Somehow, this makes the cannon start working. They aim it at the Red Eye and blow it to bits, saving the town. Well, most of it. Some of it got crushed by bits of the Red Eye.

So I guess this episode’s purpose is mainly to set up Steven’s relationship with Greg and also give us a bit of background on Steven’s mom, Rose Quartz.

It’s a nice episode. Steven and Greg have a cute relationship. I like how even though Greg isn’t the one raising Steven, they’re still able to have a positive relationship and there doesn’t seem to be any hard feelings there. Greg is a great dad, it’s just that, for whatever reason, Steven stays with the Gems. It’s nice to see something like this in a show for kids.

So yeah, another enjoyable episode. I like Greg and I like his relationship with Steven, and I liked hearing a little about Rose.

Rating: 7.5/10

We Are The Crystal Reviews

Is anyone surprised that I chose Steven Universe?

This has been on my to-watch list for a while, as well as my to-review list. It’s a pretty obvious choice, isn’t it? It was created by Rebecca Sugar, who wrote a lot of my favorite Adventure Time episodes. Plus, everything I’ve seen and heard about it makes it sound awesomely progressive for a kid’s show, and even for most adult shows. I didn’t plan on reviewing this immediately after Adventure Time originally, but since it only has one season out anyway I figured I might as well review it now.

I know a little more about this show than I did about Adventure Time when I started it, but there’s still a lot that I don’t know. Here’s a quick list of what I do know (some of which may not be totally correct):

• I know the names of most of the characters.
• The Crystal Gems are alien space rock things and some of them are dedicated to protecting earth while others are… not.
• I know about Garnet being a fusion even though I’m not 100% clear on what a fusion is exactly or how it works. But the two gems who fused are named Ruby and Sapphire and they were totally a couple which means Garnet is literally made of lesbians, and if you don’t think that’s the raddest shit you’ve ever heard get out of my face.
• Steven is half gem and half human, his mom is Rose Quartz, and Rose Quartz… died? I think? She’s not around anymore, at least.
• Steven’s dad, whose name I think is Greg, is a former musician and though he isn’t raising Steven they’re still pretty close.
• Amethyst, Pearl and Garnet raise Steven for some reason.
• Pearl has a cute design. Just an observation.
• No seriously. Look at her. She kind of looks like a bird and it’s super cute.
• I know Amethyst has some kind of tragic backstory? Something about her not wanting to be made but I’m not really sure what’s meant by that, I just see a lot of sad fan art with a quote that goes something like that.
• Pearl had a huge lesbian crush on Rose Quartz.
• Steven has a friend named Connie, and at one point they fuse (but I’m not sure if Connie is a gem?) and make Stevonnie.

So basically I know some small details, but I’m missing a lot of context and don’t have the bigger picture.

I actually am really excited to start reviewing this, it sounds like a wonderful show.

Adventure Time Reviews: Season 5 (Bad Timing/Billy’s Bucket List)

Why do episodes happen to characters who can’t carry them?

The episode starts with Princess Bubblegum showing a small crowd her new invention, which is a means of time travel. The time-travel machine is orb shaped and needs to be operated with special gloves. No one seems that impressed with the invention, since, as Jake points out, they’ve already seen Ice King achieve time travel with magic. As you can imagine, this doesn’t go over well with Bubblegum. LSP bursts in and demands that Bubblegum let her use the time machine to go back to a time when her ex-boyfriend Brad loved her.

So that happened. Oh, and the borders in the video are there throughout the whole episode.

LSP goes to the Candy Tavern, depressed about Brad, and she meets a Lumpy Space Person named Johnnie. Except he’s not very lumpy and he’s also nowhere near as snobby as other Lumpy Space People. He’s someone she knew back in high school (wait, how old is LSP supposed to be?), and she used to bully him and call him “Ugly Johnnie”. But she says she can’t call him that anymore, so I guess that means she finds him good-looking now. The two hit it off and Johnnie tells LSP about the business he runs and how he has a meeting with Bubblegum. He invites LSP back to his apartment that night where they continue to get along great, and then he has LSP sleep on the couch because it’s late and he doesn’t want her going out alone. The next day, Johnnie leaves for his meeting with Bubblegum, and when he returns he tells LSP that it went really well, and that he has another meeting with Bubblegum that nigh. This doesn’t please LSP, she starts to think that Bubblegum will steal Johnnie from her. She sets fire to part of the castle to distract Bubblegum, and while she’s gone LSP sends Johnnie back in time with the time machine so they can have a second chance, whatever that means. When Bubblegum comes back, she finds Johnnie has disappeared and the time machine sitting there.

We next see LSP in the empty tavern, calling for Johnnie, when Bubblegum appears.

• Princess Bubblegum: He’s not here.
• Lumpy Space Princess: [gasps] What? But I sent him back.
• Princess Bubblegum: The sphere would have had to log his molecules before you engaged the time travel function.
• Lumpy Space Princess: Well, then where is he?
• Princess Bubblegum: I don’t know.
• [Johnnie’s head begins materializing in the border around the screen.]
• Lumpy Space Princess: [crying] Then if he’s gone, can you send me back…?
• [Johnnie’s body materializes in the border.]
• Lumpy Space Princess: To before I met him so I won’t have to remember this heartache?!
• Princess Bubblegum: If that’s what you want.
• Lumpy Space Princess: Do it. Do it!
• [Princess Bubblegum places the sphere around Lumpy Space Princess and pushes buttons on her glove, sending Lumpy Space Princess’s molecules back to when she first entered the sphere. Meanwhile, in the border, Johnnie reunites his head and body.]
• Lumpy Space Princess: You witch! Give them to—huh, wha? What? Where are we?
• [Johnnie reaches out to Lumpy Space Princess.]
• Princess Bubblegum: You asked me to use this.
• Lumpy Space Princess: Don’t touch me! [floats away] You pretty skunk! You don’t know heartache with the whole Candy Kingdom in love with your bubblegum buns…! [floats out the window]
• [Johnnie bows his head, crestfallen, as the border fades to black.]
• Princess Bubblegum: [sighs] [sits down and pours herself a drink]

Well, that ending was more emotional than I was expecting.

LSP episodes generally aren’t a good idea, because as mentioned she’s the type of character who works best in small doses, or if she has other characters she can work off of. This one did at least have a few good things in it, though.

This episode ends up being surprisingly emotional. I think LSP’s sudden attraction initially had less to do with Johnnie himself and more to do with the fact that she met him when she was heartbroken. She kind of just clung to the first decent guy who would pay attention to her, and the fact that there’s some nostalgia between her and Johnnie (even if it’s not exactly positive) doesn’t hurt. Johnnie is nice, and he and LSP do seem to have a connection, but I don’t know if LSP’s feelings were really that deep. The thing about LSP is that she really seems to value herself based on what other people think of her. We’ve seen how she takes pride in being able to attract people, and she seems to take it badly when she can’t. That’s not healthy, and it definitely doesn’t make for healthy relationships. LSP ends up freaking out when Johnnie is in proximity to another woman, even though there’s really nothing to worry about, and as a result their relationship has a very unhappy ending. Jealousy isn’t cute and it doesn’t make for a good relationship, no matter what romance novels would like you to believe.

The border around everything in this episode has a purpose, as we find out at the end. It seems to represent a different dimension, and the people in the dimension can look out but if you’re on the outside of it you can’t look in. I’ll admit, the border irritated me, and even now that I know what it was for I still think it’s annoying. I mean, it’s clever, and it certainly makes the ending even sadder when you know that Johnnie was right there trying to get to LSP, but still annoying.

Rating: 6.5/10

Finn is feeling down about the death of his hero, Billy, and he runs into Canyon, Billy’s ex-girlfriend. Canyon gives Finn Billy’s loincloth and instead of thinking it’s gross Finn thinks it’s awesome and is pleased to receive it. Okay then. Canyon and Finn decide to check out Billy’s hideout together and there they find Billy’s bucket list, which has two items that have not been crossed out yet. One of them is “Tell Finn that thing”, but neither of them is sure what that thing is. The other is “Take Canyon on one last ride”. Finn and Canyon go for a ride on Billy’s motorcycle together, therefore fulfilling at least one of the items on the list. Once Canyon leaves, though, Finn discovers another item that they hadn’t noticed before. This one says “Lie on my back in the ocean. Just float.” Ha, that’s right, Finn is terrified of the ocean. He wants to do it anyway, for Billy, but when he gets to the ocean he has a hard time bringing himself to do it. So Fear Feaster appears from out of his belly button. Wow, I forgot Fear Feaster was even a thing. This is a callback to the Season 1 episode Ocean of Fear, which is when we first find out about Finn’s phobia of the ocean, and Fear Feaster is the manifestation of Finn’s fear. That lives in his belly button. I don’t know. Fear Feaster starts taunting Finn, but Finn knocks himself out so that he’ll fall into the ocean without having to think about it. Um, never do that, kids. When Finn wakes up and realizes he’s floating in the ocean he starts to panic, which makes Fear Feaster come back. Finn kills him with the grass sword and with Fear Feaster gone, he no longer fears the ocean. Billy appears as a constellation in the sky.

• Billy: You finished my list. Now I can rest like a great hero. Thank you, Finn.
• Finn: You’re welcome. Canyon helped, too.
• Billy: Tell Canyon I watch her sleep. Man, love is weird, Finn.

I hope you didn’t do that when you were alive, Billy.

• Finn: I know. Is that the thing you wanted to tell me?
• Billy: No. Goodbye.
• [The constellation disappears.]
• Finn: Wait. Billy!
• [The constellation reappears as quickly as it disappeared.]
• Billy: What?
• Finn: What’s the thing you wanted to tell me?
• Billy: Oh, uh, you must go to the Citadel. That’s where your father is.
• Finn: Joshua’s not alive. Me and Jake buried him behind the—
• Billy: Not Joshua! Your other dad. Dad the Human.
• Finn: What?
• Billy: Your father, Finn. He’s alive.
• [The constellation disappears as Billy’s words echo in Finn’s head. The Crystal Citadel is shown floating somewhere in space, and Finn’s dad’s silhouette is seen trapped in a crystal.]

Oh snap.

Well, it’s nice to see Finn dealing with losing Billy, and I like that he’s able to bond with someone else who was close to Billy. I think it would be a big help to both of them, especially since Finn can’t really talk to Jake about it because Jake is apparently in complete denial.  Finn and Canyon actually had a nice relationship, I hope she’ll be in more episodes.

I also liked that they brought back Finn’s fear of the ocean and Fear Feaster, that was a cool throwback and it made me feel pretty nostalgic for the first season.

But who cares about any of that stuff. What about that cliffhanger? I bet that drove people crazy! It’s funny because this episode is pretty laidback, especially compared to other season finales for this show, but it still manages to hook you with the last minute or so.

So. Season 6 should be interesting.

Rating: 7.5/10