SpongeBob Reviews: Season 8 Overview

Well, people were right. Season 8 was definitely an improvement over previous post-move seasons. The average score it got was 6.5, which is actually less than I was expecting (I was expecting at least a 7), but I did like this Season more than I liked the other seasons I reviewed. In fact, I like it about as much as I like Season 1. Mind you that’s still a lot less than I like Seasons 2 and 3, but it’s something.

Season 8 was an improvement in just about every aspect. Most of the characters have improved, the humor has improved, the writing has improved, and it’s more consistent than other post-movie seasons. One of the main things pre-movie has over post-movie, in my opinion, is consistency. It’s not that post-movie can’t be as good as pre-movie, it’s that it so often just… isn’t. And it’s really frustrating to see great episodes like Krusty Towers or Single Cell Anniversary surrounded by mediocre to just plain shitty episodes. It’s perfectly normal for even the best shows to have weaker episodes. It happens. I get it. Not every episode can be amazing no matter how talented the writers are. Of course they’re going to drop the ball every now and then. What’s important is for the show to have consistency with good episodes, for the weaker episodes to be the exception. That’s not how it is with post-movie. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a show as inconsistent as post-movie SpongeBob is. It’s kind of incredible how quickly it can go from great to mediocre to awful. It’s such a mixed bag that I can never decide if I feel positively about it or negatively. Even looking at post-movie as a whole and not episode by episode, there are so many aspects of it that I like and so many that I dislike. I love that they developed the relationship between Mr. Krabs and Plankton so much more, I adore what they’ve done with Karen, and I like that they’re generally more experimental and weird, even if it doesn’t always work in their favor. However, they clearly don’t have a good grasp on some of the characters, the writing tends to be lazy, the humor can be really mean-spirited, and the animation tends to be stiff.

But like I said, Season 8 is an improvement, mainly because it has more consistency. It does still stumble a lot, but for the most part it’s solid. There are a lot of funny, interesting, and well-written episodes. It’s a relief to see after the incredibly forgettable Season 5, the roller coaster that is Season 6 (which I still think it the most exemplary post-movie season, it’s pretty much the definition of “inconsistent”), and the very “meh” Season 7. And then there’s Season 4.

Okay, I need to say something about Season 4, and I’ll do it here because where else can I do it? I don’t think I was very fair to Season 4. Reading my old Season 4 reviews honestly makes me cringe because they’re so unnecessarily harsh (also, I think I’ve much improved as a reviewer since then, so there’s that too). A lot of the episodes that I was really critical of I’ve now come to appreciate a lot more, and while I still stand by some of what I said and I don’t think Season 4 comes to close to greatness overall, it is better than I gave it credit for. My post-movie bias is clear in those old reviews, but the thing is, I don’t think Season 4 ever really had a chance with me. It was at a disadvantage from the beginning, more so than any other post-movie season, for a couple of reasons. For one thing, it’s the first post-movie season, so it’s before I got used to post-movies style and certain aspects of it. I got more lenient with later seasons, and some things stopped bothering me altogether (remember when I used to despise Scientist Sandy? Now I don’t mind it at all). Another thing is that Season 4 is the season that made me quit watching this show. I watched most of it as a kid and hated it so much that it turned me off what was my favorite show at the time. Now I’m not even sure why I had such an aversion to Season 4, let alone one strong enough to get me to quit on the show, but that doesn’t matter now. When I think about Season 4, all I can think about is how much it disappointed me and how it kept me away from this show for so long. It makes it hard for me to like Season 4 at all even though, objectively, it is a decent season and didn’t deserve as much vitrol as I gave it.

However, as embarrassing as those old reviews can be to read, I don’t regret them either. My reviews were never meant to be taken as recommendations or as representations of post-movie, I was doing them more for me than for anyone else (though I am glad that people are apparently enjoying them). This project was about my journey through post-movie, about rediscovering something I’d given up on and figuring out for myself what I liked and disliked about it. I wouldn’t change what I’ve written because it would feel dishonest, and I always try to be as honest as possible in my reviews. I kind of like that my Season 4 reviews are indicative of how much my opinions have grown and changed.

So, with that off my chest, back to Season 8. This season was kind of validating for me, because the majority of my complaints about post-movie were centered on the characters, and Season 8 fixed a lot of the problems I had with them. Well, okay, maybe it didn’t fix them completely, there’s still a lot of room for improvement, but it is a good start. I actually found most of the characters consistently enjoyable, which is a good feeling after so many seasons where I liked one or two and had varying opinions of the others depending on the episode.

It’s pretty funny to me to think that back when I first started reviewing post-movie I thought Squidward and Mr. Krabs were mostly fine and I had a hard time liking SpongeBob in most episodes. Now it’s the other way around. I like SpongeBob again. He occasionally lapses back into being too oblivious or stupid, but it’s a lot more rare, and even when it does happen it’s not as annoying as it used to be (thought I’m not sure if that’s a sign of improvement or of me growing accustomed to it and therefore becoming more lenient). Anyway, I’m glad I can actually enjoy SpongeBob as a character again. I’m glad that he’s a lot closer to his sweet, funny, lovable self. I really disliked disliking him, if that makes sense.

Squidward actually didn’t appear in Season 8 as often as he usually does in a season, at least not in major roles. I’m actually okay with that, though, because Squidward has lost nearly all of his charm for me. I don’t like him much in recent seasons. It honestly pains me to type that, because even though I’ve mentioned before that Squidward is my favorite I don’t think I’ve ever really expanded much on my incredibly dorky admiration for this character which would probably be infinitely more embarrassing than my crush on Plankton. I still think of him as my favorite, because I choose to rank characters based on what they’re like when they’re at their best, but if I was to rank them based on what they’re like at this point in the show, Squidward would be waaaaay down on my list. And I hate that. I hate disliking Squidward even more than I hated disliking SpongeBob. I still want to like Squidward in post-movie, but it’s so hard to do when he’s become so unpleasant. That’s really the only word to describe him now. He’s just fucking unpleasant. The only emotions he ever shows anymore are anger, depression, and bitterness, and I know that these have always been part of Squidward’s character, but he was capable of having other emotions too. He had other qualities to balance him out. There’s no balance anymore, he’s just… uuuuugh. I’m probably exaggerating a little, he’s not always that bad, and how much I dislike the changes made to him probably has a lot to do with how much I liked him originally (something similar probably happened with SpongeBob as well). He does still have some good lines occasionally, and some episodes at the end of Season 8 did seem like they were at least trying to improve his character a little bit. I liked him in Squiditis, Hello Bikini Bottom, Chum Fricassee, and It’s a SpongeBob Christmas!, but those episodes have become exceptions. That’s not good. It should not be an exception for me to be able to enjoy or even tolerate my favorite character. It sucks, because I still want to like Squidward. I still want him to be able to make me laugh without fail. I still want him to be the one that I identify with to a point that’s actually kind of uncomfortable. I still want him to be the one who always seems to say what I’m thinking. I still want him to be the one who captures my interest more than anyone else on the show. I still want him to be the one my eyes are immediately drawn to because the simple fact that he’s present makes the episode that much better.

I should really stop talking about Squidward now because I just realized how utterly insane I sound. But I think I’ve made my point. While most characters have been improving lately, Squidward is deteriorating. Those few episodes I mentioned earlier portray him fairly well, but it’s not enough.

Patrick had his ups and downs for this season. In general I think I’d say he’s gotten a little better? I don’t know, Patrick didn’t actually leave much of an impression on me this season. It seemed like whenever he appeared in an episode it was to be a plot-device, or he was just kind of there and didn’t really contribute anything. I do have this vague feeling that I enjoyed Patrick a bit more than I did in other seasons, but maybe that’s because he had less opportunities to be annoying since he was mostly sidelined this season. Yeah, I don’t know, there’s never that much to say about Patrick, is there? I hate how every time I talk about Patrick it somehow ends up sounding like I want him to die in a ditch or something but I swear I don’t.

Mr. Krabs, thankfully, was much improved in Season 8 after two seasons of him being pretty terrible. It’s nice, because I love Mr. Krabs and wasn’t at all happy with the decline of his character in Seasons 6 and 7. Can I just take this opportunity to say that I think Mr. Krabs deserves much more credit then he gets? Seriously, he’s hilarious when he’s at his best, I don’t know why this goes unnoticed so often. Anyway, back to his representation in Season 8. I liked that Krabs seemed to be getting a lot of his humor back, and he also showed hints of his paternal side again.

Oh hey, Sandy actually had a good number of appearances this season! I’ve been asking for more Sandy since, what, Season 5? I’m glad it finally happened, and I liked most of her appearances in this season. I think this is Sandy’s best season since Season 2. That’s partly because this is the most appearances she’s had since Season 2, but also because, well, it just was a good season for her. She rarely felt like she was only a plot-device, she was allowed to be a character. She was allowed to show off her brainy side, her heroic side, her Texan side, and her athletic side. She was allowed to be funny, helpful, interesting, quirky, bad ass. She was allowed to be Sandy. I think Sandy had a lot to do with my enjoyment of Season 8. I’d missed her so much, I’m so happy she was given a decent amount of appereances. Not all of them were great, but a lot of them were, and at least she was given a chance to shine. Besides, this show is such a sausage fest, it would be nice if the few female characters it does have were given more development and bigger roles.

Is it me or did Plankton not get as many appearances this season as he did in other post-movie seasons? I mean, he still got more than he did in any pre-movie season, but it felt like less than other seasons. It’s probably for the best, since in Season 7 Plankton episodes started getting stale and derivative. The fact that they slowed down a little with Plankton episodes meant that the ones we did get had a bit more creativity and energy put into them, and it also meant that other characters (namely Sandy) got more attention. Anyway, for what we did get of Plankton, I really liked him, mostly because he felt like a villain again. I’ve always been satisfied with Plankton’s post-movie portrayal, especially compared to other characters, but there was something a little bit off about him. He had been starting to get too sympathetic. I mean, Plankton has always been pretty pathetic, it’s partly what makes him so funny, and I’m not against the writers trying to make us feel sorry for him, I’m all for sympathetic villains. The problem is I’m not sure if they were trying to make us feel sorry for him or not. I felt weird about pitying him and siding with him because I don’t think it’s what they were going for. It connects to how their portrayal of Mr. Krabs was getting too monstrous as well. Plankton was starting to seem like the lesser of two evils, which he’s not supposed to. Krabs isn’t exactly a saint, he is supposed to have a skewed sense of morality and he can make mistakes, again this is partly what made Krabs such a good character. But despite his flaws, he is ultimately a good person, or at the very least a better person than Plankton. Similarly, Plankton is allowed to have a few redeeming qualities, but he is ultimately supposed to be a villain. You know, the kind that delights in the pain and misery of others, enjoys manipulating others for his/her own ends, is exceptionally cruel and bitter, and has unrealistic goals of world domination. That’s who Plankton is, and I love him for it, but he’s not the sort of character I want to condone or side with. I didn’t like how Krabs and Plankton’s roles were kind of flipped around in post-movie. It didn’t feel right. Now it seems like Plankton is starting to become more like himself again, more diabolical and sadistic and villainous while still being funny and faceplam-worthy. Oh Plankton, never change.

In Season 7 I noticed that the writers seemed to be trying to develop Gary’s character a bit more and give him a bigger role on the show. I was expecting this to continue in Season 8, but it kind of didn’t. Episodes where Gary had a big role were few, and most of them were pretty standard Gary episodes. I don’t mind because though I like Gary there really isn’t that much you can do with him, but I was a little surprised since they seemed to put so much effort into getting Gary more involved in the show in Season 7. Well, anyway, Gary was… Gary. As usual there isn’t anything to complain about where he’s concerned because seriously how the fuck can you screw up Gary’s character? But at the same time, there aren’t that many compliments that can be given to him. He’s cute and I like having him around, and that’s kind of all I can say.

Now for minor characters. Karen got to star in her own episode, and it was a pretty good one, so that’s cool. I’m really glad Karen has gotten so much more development in post-movie, not just because she ended up being an amazing character, but because, well, remember what I said about this show being a sausage fest? Yeah. At least one female character has received more attention and development, and even though in a lot of ways Karen is really stereotypical, I think she’s a great character. She’s hilarious, she’s interesting, she’s entertaining, and she’s pretty faceted for a minor character. I could go on and on about Karen but I won’t because this post is already really long, but let it be known that Karen is probably my favorite character in post-movie. I actually like her much better in post-movie than I do in pre-movie, which I guess isn’t saying much because she didn’t have much presence in pre-movie, but still. She’s the only character who has actually improved, and that’s pretty cool. My love for her might have something to do with the fact that her humor and attitude are reminiscent of what Squidward used to be, but I don’t think that’s entirely the reason. They share similarities, but I don’t think of Karen as “the new Squidward”. She feels like a unique character on her own.

Oh yeah, I said I was going to stop talking about Karen, didn’t I? My bad. On to other minor characters. I really liked Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy’s appearances, and Pearl was more enjoyable than she usually is. You know, I actually don’t hate Pearl as much as I make it seem like I do. I don’t like her, but I don’t think she’s completely horrible and I think she has a few redeeming qualities. She can be sensible and willful, which are qualities I like, and she can be kind of funny. I think she has the potential to be a decent character if only they’d have her show these qualities more often instead of having her be just a walking teen stereotype. Anyway, Mrs. Puff was all right in her appearances, I liked how they really pushed her to her limits in Demolition Doofus, but I’m still not totally happy with her post-movie portrayal. Man Ray’s one appearance was disappointing, and did the Flying Dutchman appear at all? Oh, that’s right, he appeared in Ghoul Fools. Which was also disappointing. Hm. I don’t think Larry appeared did he? I guess this season was okay for minor characters, at least a couple of them were good. I’m sad that there was no Squilliam, though.

This is definitely way too long now and I’m starting to run out of steam anyway, so let’s wrap this up. I like Season 8. It’s not perfect, far from it, but it definitely feels like an improvement. Most of the characters are seeming more like themselves again and the writing in general has gotten better. I hope this continues in Season 9.

Season Rating: 6.5/10

Best Episode: Frozen Face-Off and It’s a SpongeBob Christmas!

Worst Episode: Squidward’s School For Grown-Ups and House Sittin’ For Sandy (I barely remember these episodes…)

Keep an eye out for my next post, which will be either tomorrow or the day after. It’ll be an important one.

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 8 (Treats!/For Here or To Go/It’s a SpongeBob Christmas!)

SpongeBob buys Gary some new treats called Snail Bites, which Gary finds so delicious that he finishes the entire box in one evening. Gary is desperate for more Snail Bites and won’t leave SpongeBob alone until he buys some, but they’re sold out at the pet store. They go to the factory where they’re made to see if they can get a box there, but the factory is closing down because Snail Bites sold so quickly that they ran out of ingredients…? How does that make sense? Is it so hard to get more ingredients? What was in those Snail Bites, dragon blood?! Anyway, Gary still insists on having more Snail Bites (hm, maybe the ingredient in them is crack), so he makes SpongeBob search every pet store in the ocean for them. And they still don’t find any. They return home and Gary still isn’t satisfied. SpongeBob explains his dilemma to Patrick, who tells him he should be firm with Gary and say no. So SpongeBob firmly tells Gary no. Gary accepts this answer and stops demanding Snail Bites. Kay.

Well, if there’s one thing that can be said about this episode, it’s that it’s cute. Real cute. It’s like a goldmine of cuteness. That montage of Gary performing tricks that get more and more impossible elaborate to earn treats? That was cute. Gary’s sad reaction to the box of Snail Bites being emptied? That was cute. Those pictures of when SpongeBob first got Gary? Those were cute. That one shot of Patrick at the end where he’s pretending to be Gary? I don’t even think of Patrick as cute ordinarily but that shit was adorable.

Aside from that, um, there’s not much to this episode. Some jokes were a little funny, but I found the plot a bit stupid because… dude, just say no to your pet. And since when does SpongeBob have an issue with disciplining Gary anyway? I don’t remember him ever being that much of a pushover when it comes to his pet. I guess it was pretty cute how far he was willing to go to make his pet happy, but it just seemed a little stupid to me. I don’t really like how it ended either, it was much too easy.

I find it a little funny when people call Gary inconsiderate or unreasonable in this episode. Guys. Seriously? He’s a cat. I mean, technically he’s a snail, but you know what I mean. He’s a cat for all intents and purposes, no matter how smart he is. You can’t really hold him to the same standards as other characters who are essentially people despite not being human. That said… yeah, Gary is a bit annoying in this episode, isn’t he? The constant meowing… ugh. I wouldn’t mind it that much normally, but hearing it constantly in quick succession like that gets grating fast.

So, I guess I didn’t enjoy this episode as much as most fans seem to. Aside from all of the cuteness, there isn’t much else about it that I thought was worth seeing, and I’m probably not going to rewatch this episode just for its cuteness factor.

Rating: 6/10

Mr. Krabs holds a contest where people need to guess the number of sesame seeds in a jar, and if they guess right they win a free Krabby Patty. I’m not really sure why Krabs would want to hold this contest. Publicity? Anyway, Plankton wants to guess, but of course Krabs won’t let him. So Plankton calls a lawyer of sorts and Krabs is forced to let him guess. Plankton uses science to guess the correct number of seeds like a boss and Krabs is forced to give him a free Patty. He stalls for time as long as he can, but eventually he has to give it to him. Before doing so, he makes up a new rule for the contest: Plankton has to eat the Patty on the premises. Plankton swallows it whole and then runs back to the Chum Bucket to have Karen cut his stomach open and take the Patty out. The next day it appears that Plankton is selling Krabby Patties, but his customers soon leave the restaurant in disgust. It turns out that when Karen analyzed the formula she didn’t take into account that the Patty she analyzed had been swimming in Plankton’s stomach acid. Yuck.

I liked this episode. I thought it was funny and it was at least somewhat creative. Though I’m still not sure why Mr. Krabs was holding the contest to begin with, it seems like a weird move for him. I’m also not sure why, instead of going out of his way to stall Plankton getting the Patty, Krabs didn’t just tell SpongeBob to make the Patty wrong or taint it in some way. No one would have had to know and there would be no worries about Plankton getting the formula. Oh well, it’s still a funny episode. A little slow and low-energy, and not very memorable, but funny.

I wasn’t grossed out by the ending, unlike most people. It’s not like we actually see Plankton’s stomach being cut open anyway. Even if we did I probably still wouldn’t have cared because I tend not to be grossed up by gore when it’s animated anyway. Besides, I love how Plankton just walks in and says “Yo Karen I need you to cut my stomach open” and Karen’s just like “lol sure thing, honey *slice*” and they don’t even use anesthesia or anything, they just do it right away like it’s nothing. That is so metal.

Ever notice that Plankton seems to have more success (however brief) when he doesn’t try to outright steal a Patty?

Rating: 6.5/10

Here we have the first Christmas special this show has had since Christmas Who? all the way back in its second season. And it’s entirely in claymation, and if the idea of a claymation SpongeBob episode isn’t the raddest shit you’ve ever heard you can get right off of my blog, thanks (jk plz stay). So, it begins with a song sequence in which SpongeBob briefly visits all of his friends in Bikini Bottom to see how they’re preparing for Christmas. It’s basically a way of showing off the claymation sets (which are wonderful) and the claymation characters (which are wonderful and adorable). At the end of this sequence, we see Plankton in the Chum Bucket, who is angered by the fact that he gets coal every single Christmas. Karen tells him that he probably wouldn’t get coal all the time if he wasn’t the biggest jerk in Bikini Bottom, but Plankton is way ahead of her. His plan is to give everyone in Bikini Bottom fruitcake laced with “Jerktonium”, a chemical that makes people act like jerks when ingested. He thinks that if everyone in Bikini Bottom starts behaving like jerks, he’ll look better by comparison. He tries giving some of his Jerktonium fruitcake to SpongeBob, but it doesn’t seem to have any effect on him no matter how much of it he eats. It does, however, have an effect on everyone else in town, and they all start acting horribly as a result. Since SpongeBob isn’t affected, Plankton builds a robot that looks like him and programs it to wreak havoc around town (I love how the robot has to be wound up like a toy). The next day, SpongeBob is concerned about how everyone is behaving, so he goes to visit Sandy to see if she can help him get everyone back into the Christmas spirit before Santa comes. Unfortunately Sandy has also become a jerk and is unwilling to help him, but when SpongeBob accidentally drops her piece of fruitcake in her analyzer, they discovers the Jerktonium inside it. The analyzer also tells them how to cure the Bikini Bottomites of their behavior. The cure is a song. They sing it to the town and everyone goes back to normal. That’s when Santa shows up, and he reprimands everyone for being jerks, complimenting Plankton for being a saint in comparison. He also tells SpongeBob that he was the worst of all, but of course the robot is really the one to blame. Speaking of which, the robot shows up and SpongeBob defeats it… really easily. So, Plankton gets coal for Christmas and everyone else gets gifts. The end.

This episode was one of the things that convinced me to give post-movie another chance. I was curious about it because I found out that it was done in claymation, and because it was the first official Christmas special since Christmas Who?. Despite my hatred for post-movie at the time, I really wanted to see it.

And I loved it. It had me from the moment we saw Squidward stringing lights on his house to read “Go Away” (even though I know this episode isn’t meant to have any connection to Christmas Who?, I like to think Squidward is still bitter toward Santa about what happened in that episode). I was pretty blown away by it since at the time I hadn’t seen any other post-movie episodes that I liked. Even now that I have, this episode still blows me away a bit every time I watch it.

That’s not to say that there aren’t a few flaws to be found with it, but it won’t lower my score because A) the good outweighs the bad if you ask me and B) lol since when does my rating system make any sense whatsoever. But I do think I should mention the not-so-good things about this episode, it’s only fair. And since they’re mostly nitpicks I’m just going to list them:

• Patchy. I’m sorry, but I will never like Patchy. At least his scenes are brief and can easily be skipped over, but still… Patchy.
• The ending is pretty anticlimactic. The SpongeBob robot is defeated way too easily.
• We don’t actually get to see Gary, we only see his shell.
• If Santa can see everything, how did he miss the fact that Plankton laced the fruitcake with Jerktonium? And how did he miss the fact that the evil robot SpongeBob is not the real SpongeBob? Honestly this show’s Santa isn’t very good at his job. Squidward actually did his job better in Christmas Who?.
• I don’t like the implication that SpongeBob is stupid. I’m talking about the scene where they analyze the fruitcake and Sandy says that SpongeBob’s immunity to Jerktonium is to due to a combination of his “tiny brain and big heart”. It had already been said by Karen earlier that SpongeBob’s immunity was due to his innocence, could they not have left it at that? Did they really have to throw in low intelligence as a factor as well? Ugh, I hate it when they make SpongeBob out to be stupid. Maybe it’s just me, but I never saw SpongeBob as stupid. I saw him as naive, childlike, and weird, but still smart. I would have preferred if his immunity had simply been because of his innocence and “big heart”, no need to imply that he’s an idiot.
• This definitely feels like the cheapest of my nitpicks, but why does SpongeBob not wear a helmet when he goes to Sandy’s treedome? At first I thought it was because putting a helmet on the claymation version of him would have been too difficult, but later they put a helmet on Sandy when they leave her treedome…
• Never mine, this one is the cheapest of my nitpicks. When the analyzer shows the cure for Jerktonium, it prints out a song. As a musician, I couldn’t help pausing the episode to look at the notes to see if they actually do match the song. They don’t. The staff doesn’t even have the right number of lines and spaces.

Now that that’s out of the way, I can talk about what I actually liked about this episode. Did I mention how much I love the claymation? It’s a really nice tribute to other claymation Christmas specials, and since I grew up watching those this episode made me feel really nostalgic. They really did an amazing job with it. To be honest I actually like the way the Chum Bucket looks more in this episode than in regularly animated episodes. I like how the outside of it looks slightly rusty, as if it’s neglected and in need of repair (which it is), and I liked the gloomier, more desolate look of the inside of it, it’s seems more suitable for Plankton’s character and for what the Chum Bucket is.

Getting away from how it’s animated, this is just a really good episode. The story is a little cheesy, but it’s executed well enough that I didn’t really care, and it’s at least creative. Plus, to be fair, all Christmas specials are a little cheesy. The jokes are pretty funny as well, and while I’m a little disappointed that we didn’t get to see Gary, I liked that all of the other main characters were at least in the episode briefly, and they were all great. The songs are fantastic as well. They’re both really catchy, especially Don’t Be a Jerk, It’s Christmas. Speaking of those songs, I found it a little funny that Squidward wasn’t affected by the cure because he didn’t seem affected by the Jerktonium either. I’m guessing it was for the opposite reason of SpongeBob, that he’s already a jerk so he can’t be made jerkier. Or maybe he didn’t eat any of the fruitcake because he’s such a misanthrope that he didn’t even get any.

Although I’ll always prefer Christmas Who?, It’s a SpongeBob Christmas! has a special place in my heart. I love that both Christmas specials have punctuation in their titles, so naming them back-to-back like that in the middle of a sentence looks really weird. Anyway, It’s a SpongeBob Christmas! is funny, heartwarming, entertaining, and I love how nostalgic it is about old claymation Christmas specials. Plus, it’s partly responsible for me giving post-movie another chance, and for this whole project.

Rating: 13/10 (fucking rating systems, how do they work?)

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 8 (Free Samples/Home Sweet Rubble)

Plankton gives away free samples to attract customers to the Chum Bucket, but the samples make everyone sick and cause everyone to hate him and his restaurant. More than they already do, that is. So, Plankton comes up with a new plan: give away free samples of chum disguised as Krabby Patties to ruin Mr. Krabs’ business. That… that’s bloody brilliant. That’s the best plan Plankton has ever come up with. And this is the same guy who tried to ruin Krabs’ restaurant by turning it into a fucking ice rink. Anyway, the plan works and everyone hates Krabs and the Krusty Krab, though he and SpongeBob are unsure why. SpongeBob suggests that they give away free samples to attract customers again, but of course it doesn’t work, thanks to Plankton. Then SpongeBob decides to sell the Patties as a new recipe even though they’re just regular Krabby Patties. What the fuck, that’s brilliant too. God, I love it when characters are smart and do smart things please make this happen more often writers of anything ever. The “new” Patties are a success and Krabs’ business is saved.

I really like that this is a Plankton episode that has him trying to ruin the Krusty Krab in a new way, and like I said, it’s actually a really smart plan. I mean, Plankton has always been a genius, but he also has always been really incompetent and rather idiotic for someone so smart, if that makes sense. He so often overlooks the obvious and makes everything more complicated than it needs to be. I guess that’s partly what we love about him, but it’s pretty cool to see a plan of his that makes sense and is sly and subtle. SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs never even find out that Plankton was behind everything, which is also interesting.

Beyond that, there isn’t that much to say about this episode. It’s pretty unique for a Plankton episode and it’s a little funny sometimes, but I also found it a bit dull, and it doesn’t stand out that much from other episodes.

Rating: 6/10

SpongeBob’s home is rotting and falling apart, so he calls his friends for help. Patrick, Sandy and Mr. Krabs all show up willing to help. Squidward shows up not willing to help, but they make him help anyway by tying his limbs around the house to hold it together. Are we sure that Squidward isn’t Mr. Fantastic? Anyway, Patrick, Sandy and Mr. Krabs all offer to help rebuild SpongeBob’s house, but they don’t listen to his input and basically build it the way they would want their homes to be. The result is a hot mess. Also, they somehow forgot to untie Squidward and when he starts to unravel the whole thing falls apart. Gary hands SpongeBob a can and SpongeBob thinks he wants to be fed since he had forgotten to feed Gary that morning. It’s actually a can of fully-furnished pineapple. SpongeBob opens the can and just like that he has a new house exactly like his old one. Still a better resolution than Dear Vikings.

Judging by this episode’s title, I was sort of expecting it to be a rip-off of Home Sweet Pineapple. Luckily that’s not what it was, though I do wish this episode had a different title, I’m afraid I’m going to confuse it with Home Sweet Pineapple now. I found it pretty funny that SpongeBob says in this episode “Well, it’s no home sweet pineapple, but I guess it could be worse.” I see what you did there, writers.

Actually, SpongeBob’s quote is a good description of how I feel about this episode. It’s no Home Sweet Pineapple, but it could be worse. I wish I liked Home Sweet Rubble more than I do, as I really like a lot of aspects of it, but something holds it back from being a great episode for me. I can’t place my finger on what that something is, though.

I like the fact that this is a group episode and the idea of everyone working together. The jokes were mostly hit-and-miss for me, I think I’m one of few people who didn’t like the office joke with Patrick. I thought it dragged too much and it felt really out of place not just in the episode but in the show in general. I don’t know, it seemed more like the kind of joke that Family Guy would do, not SpongeBob. It just didn’t seem to fit.

Seeing SpongeBob’s house fall apart was kind of heartbreaking for some reason. I’ve gotten attached to his pineapple house, but it’s not like we’ve never seen it or other staple settings of the show destroyed and it never bothered me before. Maybe it’s because when settings get destroyed on this show it’s usually in such a quick, silly way, but here we see his house fall apart slowly, so it’s more poignant to me. It’s more than seeing it fall apart, really, we see it rotting. It’s almost hard to watch. I actually don’t mean any of this in a bad way, I think it’s interesting that I can get this emotional over a pineapple house of all things.

I don’t know why I don’t like this episode more than I do. Objectively I think it’s a really good episode, but for some reason I don’t like it as much as I feel I should, and I can’t figure out why that is.

Rating: 6/10

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 8 (Are You Happy Now?/Planet of the Jellyfish)

Haha, oh boy. This episode.

Okay, so it begins with SpongeBob looking through a book and giggling. Squidward asks him what he’s giggling about and he tells Squidward that the book is full of his happiest memories. He asks Squidward what his happiest memory is, and Squidward says he doesn’t have one. SpongeBob is saddened to hear this, and though he tries to act like he doesn’t care, it quickly becomes apparent that Squidward is extremely depressed to realize he can’t think of any happy memories. SpongeBob offers to help him find one and Squidward accepts. SpongeBob keeps trying to create a happy memory for Squidward and the attempts all end in failure. Eventually Squidward gives up on finding a happy memory, falling into a deep depression and not leaving his house for weeks. Here’s where we get the ~controversial~ suicide jokes. There’s one where it looks like Squidward is going to stick his head in the oven but he’s actually just taking some brownies out of it, and there’s another one where it looks like he’s going to hang himself but he’s actually just hanging a birdcage. Anyway, SpongeBob wants to cheer Squidward up, so he kidnaps him (he tried to contact Squidward and all of his attempts were rejected) and brings him to the Krusty Krab, where he has prepared a surprise party for him. Except no one he invited could make it, so he filled the restaurant with paper mache copies of himself. Oh, SpongeBob, honey, what were you thinking? Squidward goes bonkers upon seeing the copies, yells at SpongeBob that he doesn’t want a happiest memory, and destroys the copies. And then he declares that this is his happiest memory. What.

So, this is one of few episodes past Season 4 that I watched before starting this project. Months before, in fact. I came across it on YouTube and the title caught my interest, as did the thumbnail, which just so happened to be the scene where Squidward is preparing a noose – sorry, I mean hanging a birdcage. Though at the time I still had the belief that all episodes after the movie were crap, I couldn’t help being curious. A SpongeBob character hanging himself, with a title like “Are You Happy Now?”? What the hell? I had to watch it. And boy did I hate it. I thought it had to be the worst episode ever. Now that I’ve seen episodes like Gone I can only laugh at how naive I was, but I’ve harbored a dislike for this episode for a really long time, even though it has decreased significantly over time.

Watching it again now, I don’t hate it. At all. I kind of like it. Sort of. Maybe. I don’t know. What is it even.

It’s funny how polarizing this episode is, and people’s like or dislike for the episode seems to be mostly hinged on the suicide jokes, which I’ll get to later. Here’s the thing about this episode: it’s really depressing. Probably the most depressing episode of the show. Here’s the thing about me: I LOVE DEPRESSING SHIT. I’m not kidding. I eat that stuff up. 98% of my favorite books are dark, grim, horrifying sobfests where tons of people die and there are no truly happy endings. I didn’t like the ending of Deathly Hallows because I thought it was too happy. I swear I’m not a sadist, it’s just that when it comes to fiction I prefer stuff that makes me want to curl into a ball and cry forever because it feels like all happiness has been destroyed. I swear I’m normal.

To be clear, I like depressing stories that are actually intended to be depressing. If something that’s supposed to be making me feel happy is making me feel sad, that doesn’t work. That’s why I have such a complicated relationship with One Coarse Meal (which is often compared to this episode given the similar themes). It could so easily have been my favorite episode ever, but the weirdly not-dark tone matched with the really dark subject matter ended up just seeming tasteless. Not that dark stories can’t be humorous, but the tone should always match. One Coarse Meal was strange because it should have been a dark episode, but it’s kind of not. It’s weirdly… normal. Just another SpongeBob episode with a twist. I think the normalcy of it is what stopped me from liking it. If you’re going to use dark themes in your stories, go right ahead, I’ll love you for it. But treat them like something dark.

There’s also an issue of whether or not dark topics are even appropriate for SpongeBob, which is intended for children and generally has a light, happy tone, which is sort of why it’s attracted such a large audience. People don’t like seeing something so depressing in a show that’s supposed to make them feel happy. I don’t have a problem with it personally. Yes, SpongeBob should be a happy show and despite my tendency to gravitate towards darker themes and tones I can appreciate happy things. But I think the occasional dark episode, even in something as “innocent” (that word is in quotations for a reason) as SpongeBob, is fine. It makes me appreciate the show more, in fact. It’s like how Futurama has a lot of episodes that are really sombre even though it’s a comedy. I love their more sombre episodes, and I’m not against SpongeBob having sombre episodes too. Besides, it’s not exactly new territory for this show. Pre-movie had episodes that were really morbid as well. Of course there is a slight difference because Futurama is an adult show and SpongeBob is for children, and either way there should be a line drawn somewhere, but that line is really blurry because it depends so much on context, execution and framing, and also on people’s personal tastes.

I’ve already written so much and I haven’t even talked much about Are You Happy Now?. What I appreciate about this episode when not watching it through everything-post-movie-sucks goggles is that its tone is very consistent and appropriate. It has bits of humor here and there, but they don’t really distract from the tone. I really like that. Then there’s those suicide jokes which… I don’t even know how to talk about these. Are suicide jokes insensitive? Yes, but let’s be real, we all make them. How many times have you said things like “kill me now” when talking about something you dislike? How many times have you said things like “I’d rather shoot myself than do that”? One time in high school, I told my friend I would rather jump out the window (we were on the top floor) than stay in class. My point is, that while our intention is not to make fun of suicide, which is something that really should not be made fun of, we do all make jokes about it. When we say these things, we don’t think of them as jokes about suicide, just ways of expressing dislike and annoyance, but technically we are joking about wanting to kill ourselves. Nobody sees it this way because of how innocent and trivial the context is, though. Obviously my friend didn’t honestly think I was going to jump out the window to get out of class, she knew I was being hyperbolic and didn’t take my words literally. But if I talked to her about my struggles with depression and then started saying things that connote suicide, she wouldn’t take that as a joke and I probably wouldn’t mean it as a joke, because why would I joke about that in that context? Context is everything. Not just when it comes to jokes about suicide, but jokes about any dark or sensitive topic.

I think that’s why people are bothered by the suicide jokes in this episode. Because really, this show has had jokes that allude to suicide before, and most of them involved Squidward, interestingly. Remember Band Geeks, when he nearly got impaled by some drumsticks and said “Too bad that didn’t kill me”? Or Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV when he wondered if a fall from a certain height would be enough to kill him? Those lines make you laugh, don’t they? They make me laugh too. Because we’re not actually worried about Squidward, we know it’s sarcasm and hyperbole to express his annoyance. I bet most people didn’t even think of them as jokes about suicide. In Are You Happy Now?, the suicide jokes stand out a lot more, not only because they’re a lot more explicit, but because of the context. Squidward is extremely depressed in this episode. For all we know, he could have been contemplating suicide, so it’s a lot more disturbing when we see jokes about it. The jokes don’t bother me as much as they once did, perhaps because I’ve now realized why they bothered me to begin with, and I’m able to see that it was really just the context that bothered me, not the subject itself (I feel similarly about One Coarse Meal now, for the record). I guess what I’m trying to say is that I totally get why people dislike these jokes, but I can’t bring myself to be too bothered by them anymore.

As a side note, I know some people thought these jokes were funny, and that’s fine. I don’t think less of them for laughing. Humor is subjective, especially this kind of humor. What’s funny to me could be offensive to someone else and vice versa. I’m positive that I’ve laughed at jokes that other people would be offended by, so it would be hypocritical of me to judge someone for laughing at these jokes. Everything I’ve said about humor so far is entirely subjective. It’s not fact, it’s just my opinion, and this whole what’s-okay-to-laugh-at-and-what-isn’t discussion is really complex and I can’t cover everything, so please don’t jump down my throat.

So far I’ve been very unclear about what my actual feelings for this episode are, but here’s something that I can express very clearly: I don’t like the ending. I don’t think anybody liked the ending of this episode, but I think I dislike it for a slightly different reason than everyone else. I think most people wanted this episode to have a Band Geeks-esque ending, where something wonderful happens for Squidward that he can call his happiest memory. That would have been nice, but I think I would have preferred something more subtle and bittersweet, like if Squidward didn’t necessarily receive a happy memory but found something worthwhile about his life anyway, or if he realized that it’s not too late for him to find some form of happiness. I didn’t like that his happiest memory at the end of the episode was destroying a bunch of SpongeBob statues in a fit a madness. It implies that Squidward completely hates SpongeBob which is really not true and is probably the one thing that I’ll never be able to just “get used to” about post-movie because his deep-down affection for SpongeBob was like my favorite thing in pre-movie and I can’t stand the fact that it’s gone uuuuuuuugh. So yeah. That bothered me. But I was also bothered by the party SpongeBob set up for Squidward. SpongeBob is naive about a lot of things, especially when it comes to his relationships with other characters, but he’s not an idiot. He knows Squidward. He knows what Squidward likes and what his passions are. I highly doubt he would think that Squidward’s perfect party would be one with a bunch of paper mache statues of himself. The ending makes SpongeBob seem oblivious to the interests of his friends, which is simply not true. It’s especially weird since his attempts at finding Squidward a happy memory earlier in the episode were good ones that actually did match Squidward’s interests, but SpongeBob really dropped the ball in the ending.

Oh, and I guess I should say something about that “He’s so handsome!” line that people always complain about. I really don’t have much of an issue with that line, to be honest. It’s a random and stupid line to end the episode with, yes, but I don’t care much about the implications of it. It is odd that so many post-movie quotes seem to imply that SpongeBob has a crush on Squidward and I do wonder why the writers would suddenly go that direction (if that is there intention, I’m not sure if it is), but I don’t give a shit about the sexualities of these characters and neither should you. Maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to think that it’s an issue with sexuality that makes people dislike this line, it’s probably just because SpongeBob was never intended to have a crush on Squidward and people don’t like the change to their dynamic. Well, again, I can’t take much issue with this fact because firstly SpongeBob having a crush on Squidward is the least of my worries when it comes to the change in their dynamic and secondly, whether or not SpongeBob had a crush on Squidward in pre-movie is probably up to interpretation, just like whether or not he has a crush on Sandy is up to interpretation. (I bet the SquidBob shippers were thrilled about the “He’s so handsome!” line.)

I should say something about the characters in this episode too. I’ve been complaining a lot lately about how Squidward comes off as legitimately depressed rather than just curmudgeonly in a lot of post-movie episode, so it’s kind of funny that I don’t have much of a problem with an episode that centers around him being depressed. Somehow it fits in this episode, probably because his depression, for the most part, isn’t being played for laughs and is instead used to get us to sympathize with him. It’s successful. One line that hit me really hard was at the end of the episode, when Squidward said he doesn’t want a happiest memory. That line has always stood out to me. Squidward has fallen so deep into his depression that he doesn’t even want to be brought out of it. That’s… I don’t know what that is. I can’t even tell if the line was supposed to be a joke or not, but it deeply disturbs me, which can either be a good thing or a bad thing depending on whether or not I decide to view that line as a joke. SpongeBob was extremely sweet in this episode, I loved how earnestly he was trying to help Squidward… minus the ending, that is, but I already talked about that. Gary is also in the second half a lot and he was really cute. That’s it. That’s all I can say about Gary.

Okay, so this post is over 2000 words and I’m not even done reviewing the first episode of the pair yet, so let’s wrap this up.

This is a really loaded episode. I knew when I started this project that when I got to this episode I would have a lot to say about it, but I didn’t expect to say this much. There’s just so much to talk about with this episode, so many discussions that can be opened up. I even managed to talk about shipping, for crying out loud. I kind of like this episode for that fact alone. It’s interesting. There’s a lot to talk about and I like talking about it.

This episode is depressing, controversial, and borders on insensitive (for some it crosses the line entirely), and that’s what I like about it. It’s fascinating, even if I’m not sure if I can call it “good”. I’m not even sure if “like” is the right word to describe my feelings toward it. I don’t even know what to rate it.

What is this episode even.

Rating: 8/10

SpongeBob and Patrick are jellyfishing, unaware that a giant jellyfish monster in creating miniature jellyfish that kidnap people in gelatin cocoons and make zombie-like clones of them that are devoid of emotion or personality. What the shit. This is awesome. The monster clones Patrick, and Zombie-Patrick insists on giving a mini monster jellyfish to everyone in Bikini Bottom. By the next day, most of the town has been replaced with a zombie clone, SpongeBob being one of the few that hasn’t been turned. At first he’s oblivious to what has happened to the town, but soon begins to suspect something. He discovers the gelatin cocoons with the real Bikini Bottomites in them in the freezer of the Krusty Krab, as well as the original monster/alien/whatever. Frightened, SpongeBob tries to escape from the zombified Bikini Bottomites, who are trying to turn him into a clone. Or they’re trying to devour him. I don’t know, either way it’s awesome. While running from the clones, he’s kidnapped by Sandy, who hasn’t been turned yet. Sandy thinks he’s one of the clones and wants to question him, but after testing him she realizes that he’s not a clone. The two of them come up with a plan to defeat the clones (SpongeBob realizes that mayonnaise is there weakness as they all seemed to have an aversion to it at the Krusty Krab) and exit Sandy’s treedome disguised as clones. They make it to the Krusty Krab and their disguises are found out, but they manage to spray all of the clones with mayonnaise which looks really dirty, or maybe I’m just too perverted. It’s probably the latter. Oh yeah, and when they get sprayed with the mayo they explode and the real person they were cloned from is freed from their cocoons. Eventually, Sandy and SpongeBob make their way to the giant jellyfish monster and defeat it, saving the town.

Oh my God, why is this not a special?! That’s really the only complaint I have about this episode. It’s too short. And this story really feels like it could be expanded into twenty-two minutes easily. It’s fine as an eleven minute episode too, a lot happens but it’s paced really well so it doesn’t feel too jam-packed. But it also feels rushed thanks to the time limit. I wish it could have spent more time with each scene.

I also find it odd that we never found out where the giant jellyfish monster came from. It’s just there. I think we can assume it’s an alien, but why would aliens try to take over Bikini Bottom of all places? They know that there are humans above water, right? You’d think that would be their priority. I’m over-thinking this, aren’t I?

I love how the jellyfish clones looked, though. Those eyes, man. They look so creepy, especially Mr. Krabs.

But as creepy as they look, I also think they look weirdly cute? Look, I wasn’t kidding when I said I have a weird definition of cute. Also I’m disappointed that we didn’t get to see Plankton as a clone. Just imagine how cute that would have looked! Please tell me there’s fan art of this.

Since I practically wrote a novel on Are You Happy Now?, I want to keep this review short. Conveniently there isn’t that much I have to say about this episode anyway. I really loved it, though. It’s exciting, it’s creepy, it’s a great throwback to Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and while it’s not heavy on humor because the focus is mostly its (awesome) story, the few jokes it does have are really funny. The only thing that could have improved it is if it had been longer.

Rating: 9.5/10

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 8 (Restraining SpongeBob/Fiasco!)

The episode starts with SpongeBob annoying Squidward. What else is new? At some point SpongeBob inadvertently causes an accident that I won’t bother explaining (but it makes the toenail scene look like child’s play) and Squidward loses his shit. Later, he returns from…. somewhere seeming surprisingly calm. Somehow a calm Squidward is more ominous than a crazy Squidward. The reason he’s so calm is because he’s filed a restraining order against SpongeBob, and he must now stay fifteen feet away from Squidward at all times and isn’t allowed to talk to him. This makes work difficult, so Mr. Krabs hires Patrick to pick up the slack. Patrick annoys Squidward even more than SpongeBob did, and the episode ends with Squidward removing SpongeBob from the restraining order and placing it on Patrick instead.

This plot has been begging to be done for years. It’s one of those episodes that make me wonder why it took this long for it to exist, it just seems like such an obvious plot. I didn’t like it as much as I was hoping I would, unfortunately. I don’t dislike it exactly, but I thought it was lacking.

That little montage with Patrick following Squidward around was hilarious, but Patrick was acting rather oddly in this episode. Calling him out of character might be going a bit far, but he was definitely… strange. And rather creepy.

I also got some laughs out of the scene where SpongeBob is trying to get the food to Squidward without violating the restraining order and it fails spectacularly. Though I did find it weird that SpongeBob wasn’t more upset about the restraining order. He surprisingly seemed okay with it. This is the same guy who cried when Squidward refused to visit his house, right? Okay, comparing it to that is probably not a good idea considering how flanderized and creepy SpongeBob was in Squid’s Visit, but it still surprised me that he didn’t care about the restraining order at all. I mean, someone that he considers one his best friends is making it illegal for him to talk to him, and he just shrugs it off? I guess it’s good that he took it so well, but I was expecting a bigger reaction from him.

Overall, this episode is pretty amusing, but something about it seemed really off to me, and I can’t shake off the feeling. Maybe it was that the story took a backseat to the humor in this episode, but it felt like it should have been the other way around. This episode feels like it should be more story-based, but it was more based around gags. It just doesn’t fit.

Rating: 6/10

A strange customer at the Krusty Krab is making a mess of his meal. When he leaves, Squidward looks at his left behind plate and recognizes the mess on it as a work of art by a famous artist known as “Fiasco”. The Krusty Krab becomes the display site for the work of art and Plankton, unaware that the messy plate is art, sees it as a perfect sample of the Krabby Patty formula. He steals the plate and is chased all over Bikini Bottom by the police, which confuses him because the police usually don’t get involved in his formula theft attempts. Eventually he loses the cops and makes his way to SpongeBob’s house. He breaks in, holds SpongeBob and Gary hostage with a spoon for some reason, and demands that SpongeBob help him escape the cops. SpongeBob explains to him that the plate he stole was a work of art and that is why the cops are chasing him. Patrick comes in complaining about all of the noise, and he eats the art. Apparently Patrick eating things is a plot-device now. Then Squidward comes in to complain about the noise, and he brings the cops with him. The cops arrest Plankton, and they also arrest Squidward for some reason. I don’t get it either.

Well, at least this episode has some creativity to it, and it was pretty funny. I liked the chase scene and I really loved the scene where Plankton is holding SpongeBob and Gary hostage. I just love it when Plankton tries to be threatening. It’s like watching a Chihuahua try to stand up to a dog that’s so much bigger than it, I can’t help finding it really funny and cute, especially when the attempts at being threatening somehow work.

There’s a pointless scene at the beginning where SpongeBob is presenting an idea for a Krusty Krab commercial to Mr. Krabs that seems like filler, but it’s actually really funny and charming so I can’t take much issue with it. It’s filler, but it’s good filler. Showing the storyboards after the commercial was kind of a nice bit of meta humor too.

The pacing was a bit awkward and Season 7-esque, and the ending is pretty dumb, but I liked the episode overall. I thought it was fun and fairly creative, but it’s not very memorable.

Rating: 7/10

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 8 (Barnacle Face/Pet Sitter Pat)

Pearl has a barnacle (which is basically like underwater acne) on her face right before a school dance and SpongeBob must help her get rid of it.  Most of the episode shows SpongeBob using various methods to get the barnacle off her face and failing. In the end, they cover her face with diamonds from Mr. Krabs’ safe to hide the barnacle.

Oh goody, a Pearl episode. We all know how much I love those, amirite?

Jokes aside, I actually didn’t mind Pearl too much in this episode. The odd thing is, even though this is considered a Pearl episode, it doesn’t center around her that much. It’s mostly centered around SpongeBob, Pearl is really more of a plot-device than anything. She’s easy to ignore here. Plus, her usual whining is toned down a lot in this episode, especially considering the premise. The one time where she does get really angry at Mr. Krabs is justified, so I can’t consider it whining.

Like Drive Thru, this episode has a similar structure to most pre-movie episodes. It’s not really a “traditional” story, but rather a simple scenario that the writers squeeze as many jokes out of as possible. Barnacle Face isn’t as funny as Drive Thru (or most pre-movie episodes for that matter), but it does have its moments. It’s not as gross as I was expecting, there’s only one gross-out gag and it’s not that bad. Really, it’s not a very memorable episode. It kept my interest while I was watching it and I enjoyed it, but it faded from memory pretty quickly afterward.

Rating: 6.5/10

SpongeBob gets an invitation for his grandmother’s birthday and needs to find someone to take care of Gary while he’s gone for the day. Because it’s not like he ever leaves Gary home alone when he goes to work? Whatever. He gets Patrick to do it and gives him a list of everything he needs to do for Gary. Of course Patrick doesn’t follow the list, and when he does he screws it up. So that’s basically the episode. Patrick does something wrong and Gary gets screwed over, and it’s punctuated with occasional scenes of SpongeBob nervously calling Patrick to hear how things are going.

Sigh. I really don’t want to review this episode.

It’s not even that it’s horrible. I didn’t like it, but it’s not one of those episodes that’s so awful I can rant about it. It’s just kind of… bleh.

Patrick’s stupidity and apathy toward taking good care of his friend’s home and pet got on my nerves, there is some Gary Abuse that’s not as bad as it could have been but still annoying, the jokes didn’t do much for me, and it’s not a very good idea for an episode to begin with because Patrick and Gary can’t exactly carry an episode on their own. They’re both too limited. At least SpongeBob is there to help them out, but he’s not in it enough for it to really work.

Rating: 2.5/10

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 8 (Frozen Face-Off/Squidward’s School For Grown-Ups/Oral Report)

Everyone in Bikini Bottom is competing in a sled race in the mountains for a prize of one million dollars. SpongeBob is riding a sled pulled by Gary, Patrick a sled pulled by gummy worms (guess how that works out), Squidward a sled pulled by a fancy imported worm (of course), Mr. Krabs a sled pulled by three ill-treated worms (guess how that works out), Plankton a sled pulled by a rocket-powered Karen (lulz) and Sandy a sled pulled by turbo-powered robotic worms. The race begins and Plankton and Sandy leave everyone in the dust thanks to their technology. Seriously, why don’t those two hang out more? Oh, I should probably mention that the Plankton riding the sled isn’t the real Plankton. It’s a robot. The real Plankton is using the sled race as a distraction to get everyone out of Bikini Bottom so he can sneak into the Krusty Krab undetected and get the formula. Sigh. Anyway, back to the race. Everyone runs into problems quickly. Of course Patrick’s sled can’t move at all, so he hitches a ride with SpongeBob, to Gary’s dismay. Squidward’s worm is so fancy that it insists on taking a tea break (I’m sorry but that is too funny I love this worm). Squidward tries to continue the race on foot, but falls through the ice and freezes. SpongeBob finds him and takes him along for the ride too. Sandy’s rocket sled crashes, so she gets a ride with SpongeBob as well. Mr. Krabs’ worms turn on him, so SpongeBob picks him up too. The group gets lost and they have to survive in the mountains as they try to find a way back to Bikini Bottom. From there, a lot happens. Like, a lot. They run into a monster that Krabs refers to as the Abominable Snow Mollusk; Krabs ditches the group to continue the race himself; they find Karen and she reveals Plankton’s plot to them; Gary becomes too tired to go further and everyone but Sandy freezes, forcing her to burn the sled for warmth; they make a new sled (out of themselves) and make it back to Bikini Bottom; they give chase to Plankton (who has managed to get the formula) and the episode ends with Plankton being eaten by the Abominable Snow Mollusk. Don’t worry, he’s fine, he just needs to wait for the ASM to shit him out. No, seriously.

I really loved this episode. It’s my favorite special since Christmas Who? (besides perhaps It’s a SpongeBob Christmas, but we’ll get to that one later).

First, let’s get the negatives out of the way so I can end this on a positive note. I didn’t like the Plankton plot. I was disappointed to learn that his only role in the episode was once again attempting to steal the formula. There was absolutely no point in including that plot. Scenes showing Plankton are few and far between at least, but it still would have been better if it had been cut entirely and Plankton had simply been participating in the race along with everyone else.

Another small complaint I have is that Squidward was frozen in a block of ice for most of the episode, meaning his dialogue and actions are extremely limited. It’s disappointing, I would have loved to have more of his snark in this episode.

The great thing about this episode is that it’s action-packed but also knows when to slow down and just let the characters breathe, it’s perfectly paced and put together. That is until the ending, which is when the episode kind of drops the ball. The ending isn’t bad per se, but they sort of dirupted the flow of the episode to get to the ending, and the whole sled-race thing was just… dropped. They find out the race was a ruse and then that’s it. We don’t even know what happened to the other participants of the race. Everything flows well up until the end, but the ending almost feels like it belongs to a different episode aside from a few references to the mountains and of course the ASM’s appearance.

Those are my only complaints, and they’re vastly over-shadowed by everything else, which was perfection. All of the main characters (and Karen, who at this point might as well be considered a main character) are involved in the story, including Gary, an extremely rare occurrence even in pre-movie and something I always love to see. I loved the banter between all of them, watching their different personalities work off each other is always a joy to see and their dialogue was pretty funny most of the time. And even when it wasn’t laugh-out-loud funny, it was always entertaining.

Sandy was the gem of this episode, which is saying a lot because everyone was pretty great. Her bad-ass-ness was actually able to shine in a way that didn’t feel contrived or like she was being treated like a plot-device. She was one of the main things that kept the story moving forward, but it felt natural. Her quick-thinking, resourcefulness, and bravery in this episode were admirable and she was a ton of fun to watch.

I also liked how protective SpongeBob was of Gary in this episode. I have a soft spot for pet bonding, and it was really sweet to see SpongeBob looking out for his pet.

And the Abominable Snow Mollusk… oh dude, the Abominable Snow Mollusk.

HE’S FUCKING CLAYMATION. I love claymation. Maybe it’s because I grew up watching a lot of claymation Christmas specials, but I’ve always had a soft spot for it. I’m not really sure why they decided to make the Snow Mollusk claymation when nothing else is, the cross-animation was a little awkward sometimes, but I don’t even care. Claymation rules, kay?

Honestly, the flaws I mentioned earlier don’t even bother me because there’s so much about Frozen Face-Off that I love that it overshadows what I don’t love. This episode actually beats Single Cell Anniversary as my favorite post-movie episode. Anyone who knows me knows that I love SCA with all my heart, so that’s quite a compliment. This special almost felt like a mini movie. In fact, it’s sort of what I’m hoping the second movie will be: a fun, action-packed adventure that gives all of the main characters a more or less equal amount of focus, not just two or three like the first movie.

Okay, enough gushing. Point is, I love this episode. A lot. I don’t care about its flaws, for me the good outweighs the bad by far.

Rating: 13/10 (Welcome to my rating system, where everything is made up and the points don’t matter)

The episode begins with SpongeBob and Patrick yelling at cars. I… I don’t know why, they’re just yelling at cars for some reason. Kay. Then a sea urchin attaches itself to Patrick’s face and they think that Patrick has managed to grow a beard in the last five seconds. Patrick thinks this means he has to start acting more mature, so he asks Squidward to teach him how. For the next few minutes Squidward and Patrick go around doing “mature” things (basically just Squidward’s hobbies) while SpongeBob tags along. SpongeBob keeps making a fool of himself so eventually Squidward and Patrick ditch him. Then they go to see an opera and SpongeBob is there, singing a sad song about how much he misses Patrick. The sea urchin on Patrick’s face leaves and they realize that it wasn’t a beard after all. Well, duh. Anyway, SpongeBob and Patrick are reunited.

This episode sort of reminds me of a mix between Grandma’s Kisses and Patrick SmartPants. Except it’s not as good as those episodes. I’m not even much of a fan of Patrick SmartPants, but it’s definitely better than this.

The episode did have a few snort-worthy jokes, but the plot is practically nonexistent. What exactly am I supposed to get invested in here? What is the point of this episode? What am I supposed to take away from watching this? I guess I’m supposed to care about Squidward and Patrick ditching SpongeBob, and I do feel bad for SpongeBob, but it only lasts a minute or two and then he and Patrick are friends again. Yeah, not exactly what I’d call tension. This episode didn’t feel like it had a purpose or any sort of coherence, it just meandered for eleven minutes.

Another thing that bothered me about this episode is how childish it makes SpongeBob and Patrick look. I know they’re supposed to be childlike and that Squidward thinks of them as immature, but it’s a bit ridiculous in this episode. SpongeBob asking Squidward to teach them how to play “grow up” is pretty stupid. And about that scene at the beginning where they’re yelling at cars for no reason. Just… why? The scene lasts for a full minute, too.

Like I said, some of the jokes were a little funny, and I guess there is kind of interesting idea behind this episode, but the execution kills it.

Rating: 2/10

SpongeBob is nervous because he has to give an oral presentation in Boating School, so he asks Patrick to listen to his speech for practice. Patrick only manages to make SpongeBob more nervous with his overly-harsh criticisms and training methods, so they go visit Sandy to see if she has any advice. Sandy tells SpongeBob that he’d be less nervous if he pictured everyone in their underwear. She gives him a pair of goggles that lets him see everyone is their underwear. I wouldn’t mind having something like that. Anyway, the day comes for SpongeBob to give his speech. The goggles start to malfunction and they make SpongeBob start to hallucinate that people’s underwear are talking to him. At least, I think it was because the goggles were malfunctioning. Why is underwear speaking to him? This is weird. So, SpongeBob starts to panic and he runs off. And he steals Mrs. Puff’s boat because why not? Of course he eventually crashes the boat and gets in trouble with the police. After giving his speech on boating safety (oh, the irony) to the police, they decide to let him off the hook. Instead they arrest Mrs. Puff because apparently she’s the one responsible for SpongeBob’s behavior. God, how many times has Mrs. Puff been arrested at this point?

This episode is a roller coaster.

I loved the first half. It’s a plot that I can relate to, since I always get nervous about oral presentations. I also always make some stupid joke about the word “oral”, but let’s not go there. The scene at Patrick’s house where he’s giving SpongeBob advice about his speech and being overly critical is really funny and based on that scene alone I thought this episode would end up being amazing.

Then the underwear goggles came in. Those were strange, but I’ve seen stranger things from this show. I actually thought the idea was kind of creative and I was curious about where they were going to take it.

Then the underwear started talking. That was just disturbing and rather awkward to watch. The episode lost me.

Finally there’s the ending, which I’m mixed on. I though SpongeBob giving his speech to the cops was kind of a funny idea and I probably would have liked the episode more if it had ended there, but unfortunately it didn’t. It ends with Mrs. Puff being arrested. This happens so much it’s practically a running gag. Or it’s a cliche. Take your pick. I’d call it a cliche since “running gag” implies that it’s funny, which I don’t think it is. It sort of was the first couple of times it happened, but now it’s simply gotten old and I actually feel rather bad for Mrs. Puff. “Running gag” also implies that it’s a gag and not a plot-device. Yeah, let’s face it. It’s a plot-device to resolve episodes quickly and easily.

In the end I’m not sure what to do with this episode. I do love the first half of it and I love the idea, but it falls apart in the second half. I guess I’d still say that I like the episode because I think the good outweighs the bad, but it could have been a lot better.

Rating: 6.5/10

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 7 Overview

I finally got this done almost a week after finishing Season 7. Totally on the ball here, clearly.

This overview was hard to write because I’m having difficulty thinking about this season as a whole. It feels really disjointed in my head, probably because I basically just watched an episode whenever I had time and then wrote the review whenever I had time, unlike previous seasons where I had a routine. Well, I did my best.

As usual, I calculated the average of my ratings, and what I came up with was 4.4.

That sounds about right. Although I think Season 4 got a lower score than Season 7 did, Season 7 is my least favorite season so far. Partly because it has my two least favorite episode ever in it, but mostly because it’s just a weak season overall. When I look back on it I’m left with an underwhelming sense of mediocrity. That’s really what most of the episodes in this season were: mediocre. Most had good premises, but thanks to sloppy story-telling and lazy writing they couldn’t rise above the “meh” category. Season 5 was similarly mediocre and forgettable, but Season 7 is slightly worse because of… well…

 

AAAH! BACK, DEMONS! BACK TO THE FIERY CHASM FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!

YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!

Um, sorry. Those episodes send me to weird places.

Anyway, even if I could get past those two abominations, it doesn’t make up for the near constant stream of mediocre episodes that was Season 7. Even some of the episodes that I liked probably can’t be considered technically “good”. I liked Someone’s in the Kitchen With Sandy, but more as a guilty pleasure. To be perfectly honest, it’s a pretty bad episode. I loved Squidward in Clarinetland, but only because I’m a fan of dark, weird, trippy imagery in animation. It’s not a very popular episode and I can see why, it’s not for everyone. I liked Enchanted Tiki Dreams, but more for the sentiment than for the strength of the story, characters, writing or humor. It’s a nice episode, but not something I’d go out of my way to watch again and for that reason I probably should have given it a lower score than I did. I loved Greasy Buffoons and I do consider that episode genuinely good, but I’m apparently in the minority there since most people dislike it.

Something noteworthy about this season is that it really upped the ante with dark episodes. One Coarse Meal, Sponge-Cano!, Whelk Attack, Squidward in Clarinetland, Back to the Past and a few other episodes had really dark elements to them. I love dark stories and dark humor, but unfortunately the writers rarely handled their dark themes well.  For example, legitimate suicide attempts brought on by psychological torment should not be played for laughs. I can’t emphasize this enough. You know, I probably would have liked One Coarse Meal if it had been handled differently, but the dark themes of that episode were turned into something really distasteful and sadistic. Other episodes either glanced over their dark elements or handled them in similarly distasteful ways, only a few actually pulled them off. It’s a shame, because I really am a fan of dark stuff and some of these episode could have been great, but it’s evident that the writers can’t always handle dark themes properly.

One good thing did come from the darker themes, though: darker animation and imagery. I’ve always been a fan of nightmarish imagery and creepy designs, and the animators pulled it off pretty well. One Coarse Meal, as much as I despise that episode, had a great nightmare sequence that was probably the most enjoyable part of the episode. Squidward in Clarinetland pretty much speaks for itself. Back to the Past had a great design for the enslaved Bikini Bottom, where everything looked cold and joyless. It was really effective for what the episode was trying to get across. I think Season 7 is the most visually interesting season (even most of its title cards had interesting designs) so far. Unfortunately, cool visuals don’t make up for bad writing and story-telling.

Time to talk about characters, starting with our porous hero. Excluding the abomination known as A Pal For Gary and a few other episodes, it seems like SpongeBob is starting to become more and more like his lovable pre-movie self. He’s becoming less oblivious, less stupid and less stalker-like and regaining the kind, innocent, quirky personality that I love.

Squidward still retains a lot of the personality traits that I’ve always loved in him, such as his sarcasm and his passion, but… seriously, dude, you need to lighten up. He’s still too hateful, too mean and too depressed to a point where it makes me uncomfortable. Like I’ve said before, grumpy and cynical is one thing, I love it when he’s grumpy and cynical, but we’ve crossed the line of moderation. He often acts as though there’s nothing good in his life, like his life isn’t even worth living. He hardly ever shows any signs of happiness, and when he does it’s usually at someone else’s expense, namely SpongeBob’s. Squidward is supposed to be a jerk, but he’s also supposed to have this thing called a heart. Please refer to Dying For Pie or Christmas Who? for examples, writers.

Patrick is more or less the same as he ever was, I don’t have much to say about him. He does seem to be meaner and more selfish than he used to be, as well as stupider (if that’s possible), but the changes made to his character aren’t that noticeable or bothersome to me, maybe because I’ve never been a huge fan of Patrick to begin with. I often see/hear people complaining that Patrick used to be a sophisticated idiot and now he’s just an idiot. Uh, what does that mean exactly? Can someone explain it to me in the comments or something? I really don’t notice much different about Patrick except that he’s less funny than he used to be.

Mr. Krabs… whoa. This was not a good season for him. One Coarse Meal had him at his absolute worst and I can’t see him ever being more unlikable than he was there. The Cent of Money didn’t do him any favors either. As I’ve mentioned before, I think Krabs should have a bit of a warped morality, it’s where a lot of his funnier lines come from and it helps make the show less black-and-white. I’m fine with him playing the role of the antagonist sometimes, one thing I like about this show is that every character can serve as both an antagonist and a protagonist depending on the episode. However, unlike Plankton, Krabs isn’t meant to be thought of as a villain. Despite his faults, he’s still supposed to be one of the “good guys”. Lately it seems like the writers have been trying to suck all of the likability out of Krabs. I’d find it more forgivable if he was at least making me laugh, but he hasn’t been making me laugh much lately. There have been a couple of episodes this season where I actually though Krabs was being portrayed decently, but they’re unfortunately overshadowed by episodes like One Coarse Meal. I still want to like Krabs, but the writers aren’t making it easy. Hopefully he’ll improve in the next seasons.

I think everyone knows by now that I not only adore Plankton, I also adore Plankton episodes. I often see/hear people complaining about the number of Plankton episodes there are post-movie. You’ll never hear that complaint from me for a couple of reasons. One, why would I not want to see more of Plankton and Karen, two characters that I love to death? Two, I’ve loved most of the Plankton episodes post-movie, I’ve found a lot of them funny, clever and creative (and a few were surprisingly heartwarming). I actually get excited for Plankton episodes. Three, Plankton and Karen (who I’ll get to later) are easily the best post-movie characters. Plankton is the only main character (excluding Gary) who’s been allowed to retain some depth and who hasn’t had any detrimental changes made to his character. Although I still consider Squidward my favorite character, I can’t call him the best post-movie character (but he’s definitely the best pre-movie character, let’s make no mistake about that). Squidward and other characters have lost much of the charm and depth that they used to have. Although a few of them seem to be recovering it, they haven’t quite reached their former glory. Plankton never lost his former glory. His character has undergone a few changes, but overall he’s still the incompetent but relentless evil genius we know and love. Unfortunately, the writers really dropped the ball when it came to Plankton episodes this season. Most of them were just ripoffs variations of former (and much better) Plankton episodes (most commonly Imitation Krabs for some reason, I guess the writers really like that episode?), and one of the few that wasn’t ended up being my least favorite episode so far. The Great Patty Caper at least was a good episode that didn’t copy any former ones, excluding perhaps its title, and Perfect Chemistry was a fun, unique episode, but the other Plankton episodes in this season were a huge disappointment. Come on, writers, I know you can do better than this. Anyway, at least Plankton himself was still great this season, especially in The Great Patty Caper and Perfect Chemistry, where he felt like a villain for the first time in a while.  I look forward to seeing what the writers will do with him in the seasons that follow.

Sandy had few appearances this season, but she did start appearing more often toward the end of it. She even got to star in the last episode of the season, Perfect Chemistry, alongside Plankton. Unfortunately, I’m starting to notice something troubling about how the writers are using Sandy’s character: I think they’re starting to use her as their safety net. The writers know that Sandy is the most competent character on the show, possessing incredible physical strength and great intellect to boot. It’s easy to have Sandy come in to save the day without anyone questioning it or having it seem suspicious. So, when the writers need to resolve an episode quickly and easily, they can just get Sandy to do it. I love Sandy and I love seeing her save the day, but it works a lot better if she was more involved in the antics beforehand rather than having her come out of left field with a solution. Perfect Chemistry had her involved in the antics, but her solution to the conflict at the end was way too contrived and anticlimactic. She’s starting to feel like more of a plot-device than a character. I’m happy to see more of her and I’m happy to see her be the hero of the episode, but I’d like it to be in ways that are less forced and contrived. At least Sandy still has her fun, likable personality and even her scientist side is starting to feel more natural.

Gary. What is there to say about Gary? He’s cute, he’s funny, he’s smart, he’s surprisingly bad ass, and there’s really no way to screw up his character. All he has to do is say “meow”. Understandably, Gary’s personality has never been quite as engaging or stood out as much as other characters, but it’s impressive that they’ve managed to give Gary as much of a personality as they did with such a limited vocabulary to work with. Even more impressive, they’ve stayed consistent with that personality, giving Gary a recognizable identity despite him not being the most interesting of characters. Gary’s role is simple: he’s SpongeBob’s pet. This makes Gary a very limited character. He doesn’t have much of a reason to interact with other characters and the only significant relationship he has is the one he has with SpongeBob. He also doesn’t have much of a reason to leave the pineapple, confining him to one setting the majority of the time. Lately, the writers have been experimenting with Gary a bit more, broadening his scope and giving him a bit more leeway. A few episodes this season, like Gary in Love and The Cent of Money, had Gary leaving the pineapple and interacting with new characters. It seems like the writers are trying to make Gary less limited and more involved in the show as a whole. I’m all for it. But there is one problem… Gary Abuse. Oh God, the Gary Abuse! As I’ve mentioned before, Gary Abuse is my least favorite type of character abuse. Seeing that cute little mollusk suffer is unbearable for me, and this season was rather heavy on Gary Abuse (A Pal For Gary, anyone?). I’m all for Gary having more of a role in the show, but if that means Gary Abuse, no thanks.

Now for the minor characters. What minor character even appeared this season? I can barely remember. Squilliam was in two episodes (three if you count his extremely brief cameo in Back to the Past) and he was as fabulous as ever. His appearances were the best, funniest parts of I Heart Dancing and Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful and he really made those episodes. As far as I can remember, Mrs. Puff only appeared in Summer Job. Yeah, that wasn’t a good episode, and Mrs. Puff wasn’t very good in it. Much like Squidward, her attitude has become too hateful. It’s less bothersome on her than it is on Squidward but it still grates on me. I believe Larry appeared briefly in a few episodes? He didn’t leave much of an impression, which probably means he was average. Then there’s Karen.

Oh, Karen. I’m glad that Karen appears at least briefly in nearly every Plankton episode, because I just adore what the writers have done with Karen. She’s the only character on the show who I think improved in post-movie. In pre-movie, Karen didn’t leave much of an impression. It wasn’t even until Season 3 that we were told her name and exactly what she was to Plankton, and that was also when they started giving her more of a personality instead of just having her be that computer in the background that would occasionally give Plankton advice. Post-movie is when Karen really started to take off, she became less of a gimmick and more like an actual character. She’s become more sarcastic, more pragmatic and more cynical. Now that I think about it, she’s sort of become another Squidward, hasn’t she? Well, lately Squidward hasn’t been a very good Squidward, Karen is actually becoming a better Squidward. Um, pretend that makes sense. My point is, I love how they’ve developed Karen’s character and I love the way she and Plankton work off of each other. She’s hilarious, entertaining, and surprisingly faceted for a minor character. But I’m not supposed to be gushing about Karen right now, I’m supposed to be talking about her representation in Season 7. As mentioned before, most of the Plankton episodes this season were bad, but Karen was probably the best part of the ones she appeared in. She even had one of her best lines yet in the worst episode yet. It’s nice to see that Karen can still do well even in bad episodes, but it would be even nicer to see her in good episodes again.

So, from a character standpoint, this season is a mixed bag. There’s still a lot that needs to be improved, but I think the writers are starting to get on the right track. Or maybe that’s just me being optimistic. We’ll see.

Overall, though, this season is nothing but a sea of mediocrity. Season 6 may have had more downs than Season 7, but it also (in my opinion) had more ups, and either way it was at least interesting. Season 7 isn’t. It’s bland, forgettable, and underwhelming. I like a lot of what it was trying to do, but it just didn’t deliver.

I’ve heard a lot of good things about Seasons 8 and 9. Apparently they’re major improvements over Seasons 4-7 and I’ve even heard them called the “Silver Era” of the show. I’ve actually already seen two episodes from Season 8. One of them I hated, and the other I loved (it was actually partly why I decided to give post-movie another chance). I’ve also seen one episode from Season 9, which I hated. I’m not going to let that sway me, though. After all, my favorite season is Season 2, and it contains I’m With Stupid and Dumped, two episodes that I can’t stand. I’m looking forward to watching Seasons 8 and 9 and cleansing myself of the blandness of Season 7.

Season Rating: 4.4/10

Best Episode: Greasy Buffoons (haters gonna hate)

Worst episode: One Coarse Meal and A Pal For Gary

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 7 (The Masterpiece/Whelk Attack)

No one is coming to the Krusty Krab because they’re all at the Sea Chicken Shack, so Mr. Krabs sends SpongeBob over there to find out what’s attracting everyone to the restaurant. SpongeBob discovers a statue in front of the restaurant that kids can climb and play on. So, Mr. Krabs has Squidward make a statue of him, telling him to have it read by the next morning. With the help of a montage, Squidward gets the statue done on time, but it’s not exactly what Krabs wanted. It’s too, um, “artsy”. Since it’s not something that Krabs thinks will attract customers, they have to resort to Plan B, which is painting Mr. Krabs gold and having him stand still like a statue all day. Genius.

Another good idea that gets ruined by bad pacing and sloppy writing. The first half of the episode is taken up by SpongeBob investigating the Sea Chicken Shack and is riddled with annoying jokes. The second half finally sets up the main plot of the episode: Squidward making a statue of Krabs. Except even that takes a a minute or two to set up, so basically the erection of the statue (stop giggling I didn’t know how else to phrase it) is crammed into the last couple of minutes and has to be told through a montage.

The average SpongeBob episode is only about eleven minutes long, so how the writers manage their time is really important. This is why simple scenarios usually work better. The conflict needs to be developed quickly, you can’t spend too much time on set-up and then cram your main plot into the last half of the episode. It’s sloppy and it makes the episode feel unbalanced.

This could have been a great, Krusty Towers-esque episode. If the main plot had been developed more quickly and the focus had really been Squidward making the statue (rather than having it just be a montage…), it could have been a fun, wacky story where Squidward and Krabs continuously disagree and get on each other’s nerves (whether on purpose or not). Then, at the end, their stubbornness serves to be their downfall. Now doesn’t that sound like a more interesting episode?

Not that the episode is terrible the way it is. There are problems with pacing and story-telling, and a lot of the humor at the beginning didn’t do it for me, but the humor does pick up a bit during the second half. It’s still not great, but it got a chuckle out of me here and there, and I do like the idea of the episode even if its execution was crap. So I guess it’s watchable.

Rating: 4/10

Gaint, monstrous whelks (which are basically like snails) attack Bikini Bottom and devour everything in sight, including some of the citizens. Well, that’s kind of dark. SpongeBob and Patrick run to the Krusty Krab to hide from the whelks, but the whelks attack the Krusty Krab as well, devouring Mr. Krabs and Squidward.

The only safe place left (I guess?) is Sandy’s, so SpongeBob and Patrick run there. Sandy lets them in and tells them that she may be able to stop the worms if she can get a sample of their slime and study it. That’s when the whelks break into Sandy’s treedome and devour Sandy, SpongeBob and Patrick. Inside the whelks, Sandy discovers that the reason the whelks are so vicious is because they’re sick. To cure them, SpongeBob, um, absorbs their snot? Gross. But it does cure them and everyone who was eaten gets spit out (luckily everyone makes it out okay) as the whelks calm down.

I really liked this one. It reminds of those cheesy, old-school monster movies, dark but too silly to actually be scary. Though the episode does get surprisingly dark at some parts. Like when Squidward and Mr. Krabs get eaten by the whelks right in front of SpongeBob and Patrick. Of course we, the audience, know that they’re going to make it out okay, as I highly doubt the writers would kill off two main characters so suddenly, but SpongeBob doesn’t know that. For all he knows, two of the people he loves most were just eaten right before his eyes! That’s some disturbing shit right there. He also witnesses Sandy, his last hope, being eaten before being eaten himself. Am I the only one who realizes how intense this is? Man, this season is really upping the ante with dark episodes and imagery.

Then you get to the end of the episode, where you find out that everyone is alive and the whelks are only attacking everyone because they’re sick. I have to admit, it’s a bit anticlimactic. I’m not talking about everyone being alive because, as I said, I wasn’t expecting the writers to actually kill off characters, especially main ones. I’m talking about the reason the whelks are attacking, and how the problem is solved afterward. I don’t know, after an intense episode like this, ending it with SpongeBob absorbing snot doesn’t seem to fit. On the other hand, I guess it does kind of fit with the monster movie theme of the episode. Usually the monsters in monster movies were formed because of some kind of virus, so I guess it makes some sense.

Anyway, I do really like this episode. It’s not a funny episode, in fact the only thing I can remember laughing at was Gary’s cameo, but it’s entertaining and surprisingly exciting. I found myself getting really invested in the story and wanting to know how everything was going to turn out.

Rating: 8/10

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 7 (Hide and Then What Happens?/Shellback Shenanigans)

SpongeBob and Patrick are playing hide-and-seek and it’s Patrick’s turn to hide. While SpongeBob is counting, Patrick forgets what they’re playing and goes home. SpongeBob finishes his counting and begins searching for Patrick, not bothering to look under his rock because it’s “too obvious”. Oh, SpongeBob. Skipping a hiding place because it’s “too obvious” is how you always get screwed over in hide-and-seek. Anyway, SpongeBob looks all over Bikini Bottom and can’t find Patrick. He goes to search in Sandy’s treedome and can’t find him there either, so Sandy lends SpongeBob her submarine so SpongeBob can look for Patrick more efficiently. With the submarine, SpongeBob checks the whole ocean and still can’t find Patrick. He eventually gives up and returns home, where he discovers that Patrick was under the rock the entire time. SpongeBob tells Patrick that he doesn’t care if Patrick beat him in hide-and-seek because he still had fun playing. Patrick asks him what hide-and-seek is.

Everyone says this episode is boring. They’re absolutely right. This episode is boring. Maybe the idea of SpongeBob going to such extreme lengths for a game of hide-and-seek could have been amusing, but it sounds like an idea that would be better suited for a short. It could have used some more jokes, too. Actual jokes, not just annoying gags like Patrick not knowing what hide-and-seek is or that “Are you sure?” gag with Mrs. Puff (that honestly made me want to throw my laptop across the room). I did snort at the “End of the World Cafe and Gift Shop”, but that was it.

Also, that moral at the end, though it was a good moral, was too obvious. Having morals is fine, but you should try to be a bit more subtle than that. Stating the moral outright like that makes it feel like it’s being spoon-fed to us. I know it’s primarily a show for kids, but spoon-fed morals like this bothered me as a kid too. It made me feel like the show thought I was an idiot who couldn’t pick up on things unless I was beaten over the head with it. Give your audience some credit, they’re smart enough to pick up on subtlety.

Rating: 2/10

Shellback Shenanigans, eh? Sounds like a Gary episode. I’m just going to read the plot description before I watch it… “Plankton impersonates Gary”.

Sigh. Yeah, Plankton disguises himself as Gary in this episode because of some Bring Your Pet to Work Day at the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob thinks something is wrong with “Gary” and brings him to the vet. The doctors can’t figure out what’s wrong with “Gary” and they basically tell SpongeBob to take “Gary” home and let nature take its course. SpongeBob is resigned to thinking “Gary” is going to die. Hm, that’s actually a rather dark element to bring into the episode. Anyway, Plankton-Gary asks for a Krabby Patty before he dies, so SpongeBob brings him to the Krusty Krab. The real Gary sees what’s going on and beats up Plankton. The end.

This isn’t going to be a very interesting review because I just don’t care to review this episode. This is just a repeat of the scenario we saw in Imitation Krabs, Someone’s in the Kitchen With Sandy and Gramma’s Secret Recipe. I’m sick of seeing it and I’ve already ranted about how I’m sick of seeing it. Unlike the writers of this show, I don’t like repeating myself, so I won’t.

As a Plankton fangirl, I’m happy to see more Plankton episodes. But please, put some effort into them.

Rating: 2/10