SpongeBob Reviews: Season 8 (Treats!/For Here or To Go/It’s a SpongeBob Christmas!)

SpongeBob buys Gary some new treats called Snail Bites, which Gary finds so delicious that he finishes the entire box in one evening. Gary is desperate for more Snail Bites and won’t leave SpongeBob alone until he buys some, but they’re sold out at the pet store. They go to the factory where they’re made to see if they can get a box there, but the factory is closing down because Snail Bites sold so quickly that they ran out of ingredients…? How does that make sense? Is it so hard to get more ingredients? What was in those Snail Bites, dragon blood?! Anyway, Gary still insists on having more Snail Bites (hm, maybe the ingredient in them is crack), so he makes SpongeBob search every pet store in the ocean for them. And they still don’t find any. They return home and Gary still isn’t satisfied. SpongeBob explains his dilemma to Patrick, who tells him he should be firm with Gary and say no. So SpongeBob firmly tells Gary no. Gary accepts this answer and stops demanding Snail Bites. Kay.

Well, if there’s one thing that can be said about this episode, it’s that it’s cute. Real cute. It’s like a goldmine of cuteness. That montage of Gary performing tricks that get more and more impossible elaborate to earn treats? That was cute. Gary’s sad reaction to the box of Snail Bites being emptied? That was cute. Those pictures of when SpongeBob first got Gary? Those were cute. That one shot of Patrick at the end where he’s pretending to be Gary? I don’t even think of Patrick as cute ordinarily but that shit was adorable.

Aside from that, um, there’s not much to this episode. Some jokes were a little funny, but I found the plot a bit stupid because… dude, just say no to your pet. And since when does SpongeBob have an issue with disciplining Gary anyway? I don’t remember him ever being that much of a pushover when it comes to his pet. I guess it was pretty cute how far he was willing to go to make his pet happy, but it just seemed a little stupid to me. I don’t really like how it ended either, it was much too easy.

I find it a little funny when people call Gary inconsiderate or unreasonable in this episode. Guys. Seriously? He’s a cat. I mean, technically he’s a snail, but you know what I mean. He’s a cat for all intents and purposes, no matter how smart he is. You can’t really hold him to the same standards as other characters who are essentially people despite not being human. That said… yeah, Gary is a bit annoying in this episode, isn’t he? The constant meowing… ugh. I wouldn’t mind it that much normally, but hearing it constantly in quick succession like that gets grating fast.

So, I guess I didn’t enjoy this episode as much as most fans seem to. Aside from all of the cuteness, there isn’t much else about it that I thought was worth seeing, and I’m probably not going to rewatch this episode just for its cuteness factor.

Rating: 6/10

Mr. Krabs holds a contest where people need to guess the number of sesame seeds in a jar, and if they guess right they win a free Krabby Patty. I’m not really sure why Krabs would want to hold this contest. Publicity? Anyway, Plankton wants to guess, but of course Krabs won’t let him. So Plankton calls a lawyer of sorts and Krabs is forced to let him guess. Plankton uses science to guess the correct number of seeds like a boss and Krabs is forced to give him a free Patty. He stalls for time as long as he can, but eventually he has to give it to him. Before doing so, he makes up a new rule for the contest: Plankton has to eat the Patty on the premises. Plankton swallows it whole and then runs back to the Chum Bucket to have Karen cut his stomach open and take the Patty out. The next day it appears that Plankton is selling Krabby Patties, but his customers soon leave the restaurant in disgust. It turns out that when Karen analyzed the formula she didn’t take into account that the Patty she analyzed had been swimming in Plankton’s stomach acid. Yuck.

I liked this episode. I thought it was funny and it was at least somewhat creative. Though I’m still not sure why Mr. Krabs was holding the contest to begin with, it seems like a weird move for him. I’m also not sure why, instead of going out of his way to stall Plankton getting the Patty, Krabs didn’t just tell SpongeBob to make the Patty wrong or taint it in some way. No one would have had to know and there would be no worries about Plankton getting the formula. Oh well, it’s still a funny episode. A little slow and low-energy, and not very memorable, but funny.

I wasn’t grossed out by the ending, unlike most people. It’s not like we actually see Plankton’s stomach being cut open anyway. Even if we did I probably still wouldn’t have cared because I tend not to be grossed up by gore when it’s animated anyway. Besides, I love how Plankton just walks in and says “Yo Karen I need you to cut my stomach open” and Karen’s just like “lol sure thing, honey *slice*” and they don’t even use anesthesia or anything, they just do it right away like it’s nothing. That is so metal.

Ever notice that Plankton seems to have more success (however brief) when he doesn’t try to outright steal a Patty?

Rating: 6.5/10

Here we have the first Christmas special this show has had since Christmas Who? all the way back in its second season. And it’s entirely in claymation, and if the idea of a claymation SpongeBob episode isn’t the raddest shit you’ve ever heard you can get right off of my blog, thanks (jk plz stay). So, it begins with a song sequence in which SpongeBob briefly visits all of his friends in Bikini Bottom to see how they’re preparing for Christmas. It’s basically a way of showing off the claymation sets (which are wonderful) and the claymation characters (which are wonderful and adorable). At the end of this sequence, we see Plankton in the Chum Bucket, who is angered by the fact that he gets coal every single Christmas. Karen tells him that he probably wouldn’t get coal all the time if he wasn’t the biggest jerk in Bikini Bottom, but Plankton is way ahead of her. His plan is to give everyone in Bikini Bottom fruitcake laced with “Jerktonium”, a chemical that makes people act like jerks when ingested. He thinks that if everyone in Bikini Bottom starts behaving like jerks, he’ll look better by comparison. He tries giving some of his Jerktonium fruitcake to SpongeBob, but it doesn’t seem to have any effect on him no matter how much of it he eats. It does, however, have an effect on everyone else in town, and they all start acting horribly as a result. Since SpongeBob isn’t affected, Plankton builds a robot that looks like him and programs it to wreak havoc around town (I love how the robot has to be wound up like a toy). The next day, SpongeBob is concerned about how everyone is behaving, so he goes to visit Sandy to see if she can help him get everyone back into the Christmas spirit before Santa comes. Unfortunately Sandy has also become a jerk and is unwilling to help him, but when SpongeBob accidentally drops her piece of fruitcake in her analyzer, they discovers the Jerktonium inside it. The analyzer also tells them how to cure the Bikini Bottomites of their behavior. The cure is a song. They sing it to the town and everyone goes back to normal. That’s when Santa shows up, and he reprimands everyone for being jerks, complimenting Plankton for being a saint in comparison. He also tells SpongeBob that he was the worst of all, but of course the robot is really the one to blame. Speaking of which, the robot shows up and SpongeBob defeats it… really easily. So, Plankton gets coal for Christmas and everyone else gets gifts. The end.

This episode was one of the things that convinced me to give post-movie another chance. I was curious about it because I found out that it was done in claymation, and because it was the first official Christmas special since Christmas Who?. Despite my hatred for post-movie at the time, I really wanted to see it.

And I loved it. It had me from the moment we saw Squidward stringing lights on his house to read “Go Away” (even though I know this episode isn’t meant to have any connection to Christmas Who?, I like to think Squidward is still bitter toward Santa about what happened in that episode). I was pretty blown away by it since at the time I hadn’t seen any other post-movie episodes that I liked. Even now that I have, this episode still blows me away a bit every time I watch it.

That’s not to say that there aren’t a few flaws to be found with it, but it won’t lower my score because A) the good outweighs the bad if you ask me and B) lol since when does my rating system make any sense whatsoever. But I do think I should mention the not-so-good things about this episode, it’s only fair. And since they’re mostly nitpicks I’m just going to list them:

• Patchy. I’m sorry, but I will never like Patchy. At least his scenes are brief and can easily be skipped over, but still… Patchy.
• The ending is pretty anticlimactic. The SpongeBob robot is defeated way too easily.
• We don’t actually get to see Gary, we only see his shell.
• If Santa can see everything, how did he miss the fact that Plankton laced the fruitcake with Jerktonium? And how did he miss the fact that the evil robot SpongeBob is not the real SpongeBob? Honestly this show’s Santa isn’t very good at his job. Squidward actually did his job better in Christmas Who?.
• I don’t like the implication that SpongeBob is stupid. I’m talking about the scene where they analyze the fruitcake and Sandy says that SpongeBob’s immunity to Jerktonium is to due to a combination of his “tiny brain and big heart”. It had already been said by Karen earlier that SpongeBob’s immunity was due to his innocence, could they not have left it at that? Did they really have to throw in low intelligence as a factor as well? Ugh, I hate it when they make SpongeBob out to be stupid. Maybe it’s just me, but I never saw SpongeBob as stupid. I saw him as naive, childlike, and weird, but still smart. I would have preferred if his immunity had simply been because of his innocence and “big heart”, no need to imply that he’s an idiot.
• This definitely feels like the cheapest of my nitpicks, but why does SpongeBob not wear a helmet when he goes to Sandy’s treedome? At first I thought it was because putting a helmet on the claymation version of him would have been too difficult, but later they put a helmet on Sandy when they leave her treedome…
• Never mine, this one is the cheapest of my nitpicks. When the analyzer shows the cure for Jerktonium, it prints out a song. As a musician, I couldn’t help pausing the episode to look at the notes to see if they actually do match the song. They don’t. The staff doesn’t even have the right number of lines and spaces.

Now that that’s out of the way, I can talk about what I actually liked about this episode. Did I mention how much I love the claymation? It’s a really nice tribute to other claymation Christmas specials, and since I grew up watching those this episode made me feel really nostalgic. They really did an amazing job with it. To be honest I actually like the way the Chum Bucket looks more in this episode than in regularly animated episodes. I like how the outside of it looks slightly rusty, as if it’s neglected and in need of repair (which it is), and I liked the gloomier, more desolate look of the inside of it, it’s seems more suitable for Plankton’s character and for what the Chum Bucket is.

Getting away from how it’s animated, this is just a really good episode. The story is a little cheesy, but it’s executed well enough that I didn’t really care, and it’s at least creative. Plus, to be fair, all Christmas specials are a little cheesy. The jokes are pretty funny as well, and while I’m a little disappointed that we didn’t get to see Gary, I liked that all of the other main characters were at least in the episode briefly, and they were all great. The songs are fantastic as well. They’re both really catchy, especially Don’t Be a Jerk, It’s Christmas. Speaking of those songs, I found it a little funny that Squidward wasn’t affected by the cure because he didn’t seem affected by the Jerktonium either. I’m guessing it was for the opposite reason of SpongeBob, that he’s already a jerk so he can’t be made jerkier. Or maybe he didn’t eat any of the fruitcake because he’s such a misanthrope that he didn’t even get any.

Although I’ll always prefer Christmas Who?, It’s a SpongeBob Christmas! has a special place in my heart. I love that both Christmas specials have punctuation in their titles, so naming them back-to-back like that in the middle of a sentence looks really weird. Anyway, It’s a SpongeBob Christmas! is funny, heartwarming, entertaining, and I love how nostalgic it is about old claymation Christmas specials. Plus, it’s partly responsible for me giving post-movie another chance, and for this whole project.

Rating: 13/10 (fucking rating systems, how do they work?)

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 8 (House Sittin’ For Sandy/Smoothe Jazz at Bikini Bottom)

Sandy asks SpongeBob to house sit for her and gives him a bunch of strict instructions to follow. While Sandy is gone, Patrick shows up and SpongeBob agrees to let him help as long as he promises not to screw anything up. However, SpongeBob accidentally activates Sandy’s robots (she has a warehouse full of them) and they destroy her treedome. Sandy comes home and they think she’s about to vaporize them with her laser, but it turns out the laser reverses rubble and fixes things? Kay. So she fixes everything easily and tells SpongeBob that she wanted him to destroy her house all along so she could test her invention. I…. I don’t… what. After that the robots are accidentally activated again and this time they break Sandy’s laser as well so she can’t fix anything. Yeah, because that was necessary.

If I could describe this episode in one word, it would be pointless. It’s sort like the Dear Vikings of Season 8, it doesn’t feel like an episode, it feels like eleven minutes of filler.

This isn’t even a bad idea for an episode necessarily, it’s just crappy execution. Lazy and lethargic. And kind of stupid, especially the ending. What was the point in having the robots destroy Sandy’s house twice? What was the point of her laser that fixes everything if the episode is going to end with her house destroyed anyway? The laser isn’t even a clever idea.

Also, SpongeBob isn’t wearing his water helmet for half of the episode because… because why? Why is he not wearing his water helmet? And why does he not realize this until Patrick points it out to him? How is that even possible? I know it’s a joke, but it’s a stupid, nonsensical joke.

I did enjoy that little Spandy hint, and I remember laughing a couple of times, but I can’t remember what I laughed at. Like I said, this is basically the Dear Vikings of Season 8 for me. It’s just a boring, empty, nonsensical episode, but not worth expending hatred on. Hatred takes energy, and I’m not going to waste energy on an episode that the writers clearly didn’t put any energy into themselves.

Rating: 2/10

That title seems wrong. Shouldn’t it be Smoothe Jazz in Bikini Bottom, or am I mistaken?

Squidward has a ticket to go see his favorite clarinetist, Kelpy G (nice pun, writers) in concert. Unfortunately, Patrick eats his ticket because Squidward kind of shoves it into his mouth accidentally. Well, that was a forced plot-point. Anyway, SpongeBob wins a pair of tickets to the concert as well as backstage passes and invites Squidward along. So, they go to the concert together and SpongeBob keeps embarrassing Squidward because he has the audacity to be happy and excited and cephalopods obviously hate joy or something so how dare he. Okay, I’m kidding, SpongeBob actually was a bit obnoxious, and it’s expected for the cephalopods to be snooty, but I guess I can’t help finding SpongeBob’s enthusiasm endearing, even if it was a tad inappropriate. Anyway, the concert starts and Patrick is somehow there even though the concert was said to be sold-out before. And he’s there for nachos, because apparently he can’t get nachos anywhere else? And then he eats Squidward’s backstage pass, through no fault of Squidward’s this time, he just eats it. SpongeBob offers Squidward his backstage pass, which is really sweet of him, but Patrick eats that too. Well, shit. And then for some reason Patrick gets on stage and tries to order nachos there? What is even happening in this episode. Anyway, security tries to get him off stage, but Patrick escapes by stage diving, and the other cephalopods are apparently fine with this even though they hated SpongeBob’s behavior earlier. Squidward and SpongeBob chase after Patrick hoping to get their passes back (good luck with that) and they end up getting told to go back to their seats. But their seats have been taken by someone else, so they get kicked out. What. They find a way to sneak back stage, but get caught by Kelpy G’s manager. Squidward tries to impress Kelpy’s manager by playing his clarinet while SpongeBob plays his ukulele. Kelpy hears them playing during his intermission and is impressed by SpongeBob’s ukulele playing. He pushes Squidward to the ground (!!!!!) and invites SpongeBob to play on stage with him. SpongeBob does so and Squidward gets thrown out of the concert.

I like this episode. No seriously, I do. I know it seemed like I was really taking the piss out of this episode, and there is a lot of stupidity in it, but I just can’t dislike it for some reason. I guess you could count this episode as somewhat of a guilty pleasure for me.

But yeah, it’s undeniable that this episode has problems. One of them is Patrick.

You know, I watched some pre-movie episodes for the first time in months a few days ago, and I was startled to realize how much I like Patrick. I know it sounds silly, but I’d forgotten. He’s actually quite endearing in most pre-movie episodes. It’s probably because back then his stupidity was usually harmless. If anything his stupidity was more detrimental to himself than to the people around him, so he can even be a bit sympathetic. Plus, there was actual wit behind his stupidity. Yes, that is possible. I don’t think a lot of people realize this, but doing stupid humor well is actually really hard. There needs to be some sort of cleverness behind it for it to work, it can’t just be pure, abstract randomness. Sometimes Patrick in post-movie reminds me of those annoying people in high school who would run around yelling things like “CHEESE” and think that they were funny because ~*omg so random lel*~. Ugh, no.

The problem I have with Patrick in post-movie is not just that his humor is (usually) not utilized as well in post-movie, it’s that Patrick himself has become rather unlikable. His stupidity is harmful to other characters the majority of the time and he’s often around just to screw things up for other characters. And he always gets away with it. He’s never punished for his actions, it’s always other characters who get punished instead. I hate that. And have you ever noticed that Patrick never gets abused? I can’t think of a single episode that would qualify as “Patrick Abuse”. I’m not saying I want Patrick Abuse to happen, not at all, I just think it’s noteworthy that he’s the only character who has never gotten it.

Anyway, in Smoothe Jazz at Bikini Bottom, Patrick is basically only used to cause trouble for Squidward and gets off scot-free. It’s really quite irritating, as he had no purpose in this episode besides that. It would bother me less if he was actually being funny, but he wasn’t. He was just an annoyance.

I was also really bothered by the ending of this episode, particularly the part where Kelpy pushes Squidward over while Squidward is trying to speak to him. Dude, that is just mean. Kelpy will let a guy come on stage and order nachos in the middle of the concert, but he won’t take a few seconds to talk to a fan that has something to say to him? In I’m Your Biggest Fanatic, Kevin the sea cucumber was being incredibly mean to his fan, SpongeBob, but at least in that episode Kevin was clearly the antagonist and got what he deserved. Plus, that episode served as a moral about hero-worship. In Smoothe Jazz at Bikini Bottom, it’s just mean-spiritedness. You could argue that Squidward had it coming for sneaking backstage where he wasn’t supposed to be, but SpongeBob did that too and he didn’t get the same treatment, so the argument is moot in my opinion.

All that being said, I don’t dislike this episode. Maybe it’s due to low expectations after everything I’d heard about it, or maybe it’s because I watched it immediately after I watched the borefest that is House Sittin’ For Sandy and anything is enjoyable after that as long as it’s interesting. SJABB is a mess, but at least it’s not boring. I don’t think I’d go out of my way to watch SJABB again, but I really did enjoy it, even with all of the forced plot-points, stupidity and the meanness of the ending. It was entertaining, occasionally kind of funny, and SpongeBob was actually really sweet in this episode, though I do wonder why he didn’t at least try to stand up for Squidward at the end. Considering how hard he was trying to make Squidward happy earlier in the episode, it seems a bit strange that he would just forget about him. Oh well, he was still sweet and endearing for most of it, and he’s mainly what I enjoyed about this episode.

Rating: 6/10

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 8 (Frozen Face-Off/Squidward’s School For Grown-Ups/Oral Report)

Everyone in Bikini Bottom is competing in a sled race in the mountains for a prize of one million dollars. SpongeBob is riding a sled pulled by Gary, Patrick a sled pulled by gummy worms (guess how that works out), Squidward a sled pulled by a fancy imported worm (of course), Mr. Krabs a sled pulled by three ill-treated worms (guess how that works out), Plankton a sled pulled by a rocket-powered Karen (lulz) and Sandy a sled pulled by turbo-powered robotic worms. The race begins and Plankton and Sandy leave everyone in the dust thanks to their technology. Seriously, why don’t those two hang out more? Oh, I should probably mention that the Plankton riding the sled isn’t the real Plankton. It’s a robot. The real Plankton is using the sled race as a distraction to get everyone out of Bikini Bottom so he can sneak into the Krusty Krab undetected and get the formula. Sigh. Anyway, back to the race. Everyone runs into problems quickly. Of course Patrick’s sled can’t move at all, so he hitches a ride with SpongeBob, to Gary’s dismay. Squidward’s worm is so fancy that it insists on taking a tea break (I’m sorry but that is too funny I love this worm). Squidward tries to continue the race on foot, but falls through the ice and freezes. SpongeBob finds him and takes him along for the ride too. Sandy’s rocket sled crashes, so she gets a ride with SpongeBob as well. Mr. Krabs’ worms turn on him, so SpongeBob picks him up too. The group gets lost and they have to survive in the mountains as they try to find a way back to Bikini Bottom. From there, a lot happens. Like, a lot. They run into a monster that Krabs refers to as the Abominable Snow Mollusk; Krabs ditches the group to continue the race himself; they find Karen and she reveals Plankton’s plot to them; Gary becomes too tired to go further and everyone but Sandy freezes, forcing her to burn the sled for warmth; they make a new sled (out of themselves) and make it back to Bikini Bottom; they give chase to Plankton (who has managed to get the formula) and the episode ends with Plankton being eaten by the Abominable Snow Mollusk. Don’t worry, he’s fine, he just needs to wait for the ASM to shit him out. No, seriously.

I really loved this episode. It’s my favorite special since Christmas Who? (besides perhaps It’s a SpongeBob Christmas, but we’ll get to that one later).

First, let’s get the negatives out of the way so I can end this on a positive note. I didn’t like the Plankton plot. I was disappointed to learn that his only role in the episode was once again attempting to steal the formula. There was absolutely no point in including that plot. Scenes showing Plankton are few and far between at least, but it still would have been better if it had been cut entirely and Plankton had simply been participating in the race along with everyone else.

Another small complaint I have is that Squidward was frozen in a block of ice for most of the episode, meaning his dialogue and actions are extremely limited. It’s disappointing, I would have loved to have more of his snark in this episode.

The great thing about this episode is that it’s action-packed but also knows when to slow down and just let the characters breathe, it’s perfectly paced and put together. That is until the ending, which is when the episode kind of drops the ball. The ending isn’t bad per se, but they sort of dirupted the flow of the episode to get to the ending, and the whole sled-race thing was just… dropped. They find out the race was a ruse and then that’s it. We don’t even know what happened to the other participants of the race. Everything flows well up until the end, but the ending almost feels like it belongs to a different episode aside from a few references to the mountains and of course the ASM’s appearance.

Those are my only complaints, and they’re vastly over-shadowed by everything else, which was perfection. All of the main characters (and Karen, who at this point might as well be considered a main character) are involved in the story, including Gary, an extremely rare occurrence even in pre-movie and something I always love to see. I loved the banter between all of them, watching their different personalities work off each other is always a joy to see and their dialogue was pretty funny most of the time. And even when it wasn’t laugh-out-loud funny, it was always entertaining.

Sandy was the gem of this episode, which is saying a lot because everyone was pretty great. Her bad-ass-ness was actually able to shine in a way that didn’t feel contrived or like she was being treated like a plot-device. She was one of the main things that kept the story moving forward, but it felt natural. Her quick-thinking, resourcefulness, and bravery in this episode were admirable and she was a ton of fun to watch.

I also liked how protective SpongeBob was of Gary in this episode. I have a soft spot for pet bonding, and it was really sweet to see SpongeBob looking out for his pet.

And the Abominable Snow Mollusk… oh dude, the Abominable Snow Mollusk.

HE’S FUCKING CLAYMATION. I love claymation. Maybe it’s because I grew up watching a lot of claymation Christmas specials, but I’ve always had a soft spot for it. I’m not really sure why they decided to make the Snow Mollusk claymation when nothing else is, the cross-animation was a little awkward sometimes, but I don’t even care. Claymation rules, kay?

Honestly, the flaws I mentioned earlier don’t even bother me because there’s so much about Frozen Face-Off that I love that it overshadows what I don’t love. This episode actually beats Single Cell Anniversary as my favorite post-movie episode. Anyone who knows me knows that I love SCA with all my heart, so that’s quite a compliment. This special almost felt like a mini movie. In fact, it’s sort of what I’m hoping the second movie will be: a fun, action-packed adventure that gives all of the main characters a more or less equal amount of focus, not just two or three like the first movie.

Okay, enough gushing. Point is, I love this episode. A lot. I don’t care about its flaws, for me the good outweighs the bad by far.

Rating: 13/10 (Welcome to my rating system, where everything is made up and the points don’t matter)

The episode begins with SpongeBob and Patrick yelling at cars. I… I don’t know why, they’re just yelling at cars for some reason. Kay. Then a sea urchin attaches itself to Patrick’s face and they think that Patrick has managed to grow a beard in the last five seconds. Patrick thinks this means he has to start acting more mature, so he asks Squidward to teach him how. For the next few minutes Squidward and Patrick go around doing “mature” things (basically just Squidward’s hobbies) while SpongeBob tags along. SpongeBob keeps making a fool of himself so eventually Squidward and Patrick ditch him. Then they go to see an opera and SpongeBob is there, singing a sad song about how much he misses Patrick. The sea urchin on Patrick’s face leaves and they realize that it wasn’t a beard after all. Well, duh. Anyway, SpongeBob and Patrick are reunited.

This episode sort of reminds me of a mix between Grandma’s Kisses and Patrick SmartPants. Except it’s not as good as those episodes. I’m not even much of a fan of Patrick SmartPants, but it’s definitely better than this.

The episode did have a few snort-worthy jokes, but the plot is practically nonexistent. What exactly am I supposed to get invested in here? What is the point of this episode? What am I supposed to take away from watching this? I guess I’m supposed to care about Squidward and Patrick ditching SpongeBob, and I do feel bad for SpongeBob, but it only lasts a minute or two and then he and Patrick are friends again. Yeah, not exactly what I’d call tension. This episode didn’t feel like it had a purpose or any sort of coherence, it just meandered for eleven minutes.

Another thing that bothered me about this episode is how childish it makes SpongeBob and Patrick look. I know they’re supposed to be childlike and that Squidward thinks of them as immature, but it’s a bit ridiculous in this episode. SpongeBob asking Squidward to teach them how to play “grow up” is pretty stupid. And about that scene at the beginning where they’re yelling at cars for no reason. Just… why? The scene lasts for a full minute, too.

Like I said, some of the jokes were a little funny, and I guess there is kind of interesting idea behind this episode, but the execution kills it.

Rating: 2/10

SpongeBob is nervous because he has to give an oral presentation in Boating School, so he asks Patrick to listen to his speech for practice. Patrick only manages to make SpongeBob more nervous with his overly-harsh criticisms and training methods, so they go visit Sandy to see if she has any advice. Sandy tells SpongeBob that he’d be less nervous if he pictured everyone in their underwear. She gives him a pair of goggles that lets him see everyone is their underwear. I wouldn’t mind having something like that. Anyway, the day comes for SpongeBob to give his speech. The goggles start to malfunction and they make SpongeBob start to hallucinate that people’s underwear are talking to him. At least, I think it was because the goggles were malfunctioning. Why is underwear speaking to him? This is weird. So, SpongeBob starts to panic and he runs off. And he steals Mrs. Puff’s boat because why not? Of course he eventually crashes the boat and gets in trouble with the police. After giving his speech on boating safety (oh, the irony) to the police, they decide to let him off the hook. Instead they arrest Mrs. Puff because apparently she’s the one responsible for SpongeBob’s behavior. God, how many times has Mrs. Puff been arrested at this point?

This episode is a roller coaster.

I loved the first half. It’s a plot that I can relate to, since I always get nervous about oral presentations. I also always make some stupid joke about the word “oral”, but let’s not go there. The scene at Patrick’s house where he’s giving SpongeBob advice about his speech and being overly critical is really funny and based on that scene alone I thought this episode would end up being amazing.

Then the underwear goggles came in. Those were strange, but I’ve seen stranger things from this show. I actually thought the idea was kind of creative and I was curious about where they were going to take it.

Then the underwear started talking. That was just disturbing and rather awkward to watch. The episode lost me.

Finally there’s the ending, which I’m mixed on. I though SpongeBob giving his speech to the cops was kind of a funny idea and I probably would have liked the episode more if it had ended there, but unfortunately it didn’t. It ends with Mrs. Puff being arrested. This happens so much it’s practically a running gag. Or it’s a cliche. Take your pick. I’d call it a cliche since “running gag” implies that it’s funny, which I don’t think it is. It sort of was the first couple of times it happened, but now it’s simply gotten old and I actually feel rather bad for Mrs. Puff. “Running gag” also implies that it’s a gag and not a plot-device. Yeah, let’s face it. It’s a plot-device to resolve episodes quickly and easily.

In the end I’m not sure what to do with this episode. I do love the first half of it and I love the idea, but it falls apart in the second half. I guess I’d still say that I like the episode because I think the good outweighs the bad, but it could have been a lot better.

Rating: 6.5/10

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 7 (SpongeBob’s Last Stand/Back to the Past/The Bad Guy Club for Villains)

Ooh, I love the dark look of this title card. It gets the point across nicely, with the small, lonely patch of grass surrounded by concrete that appears to be slowly creeping onto the grass, while the sky in the background is a dull, brownish-grey with only a streak of bright blue on the horizon. Even the title itself sounds ominous.

Right, I’m not here to review the title card, though to be honest I think the title card is more interesting than the episode and kind of would like to review it. Okay, so, SpongeBob’s Last Stand is an Earth Day Special, and we all know what that means: some overly-preachy environmental message that we’ve all heard a thousand times in movies like Ferngully and Pocahontas. Yeah, Earth Day Specials are usually lame. Was this one lame? Well, um, not really but kind of-ish? Let’s start at the beginning.

SpongeBob and Patrick are jellyfishing, and they find out that a highway will be built through Jellyfish Fields. SpongeBob wants to stop this from happening because it will destroy the jellyfishes habitat and blah blah blah. You get the idea. SpongeBob tries to get more people to help, but no one but him and Patrick are willing. So, why didn’t they ask Sandy? I’ve sure she would have wanted to help. He tells Mr. Krabs about the new highway, and the two find out that the highway will go directly over the Krusty Krab and straight to the Chum Bucket. Yep, turns out Plankton is behind everything. So now we have to save the Krusty Krab, too? Whatever. SpongeBob and Krabs go to confront Plankton on this, but Plankton tells them that he doesn’t give a barnacle. Those are his exact words. Oh, you can bet I’ll be quoting that from now on. Krabs is ready to give up, but SpongeBob isn’t. He and Patrick protest the new highway to no avail. When it comes time for the highway to be built, SpongeBob tries to put himself in the way of the construction, but even that does nothing as Plankton is happy to run him over. With their home destroyed, the jellyfish overrun Bikini Bottom. Because of this, everyone in Bikini Bottom (OH, THERE YOU ARE, SANDY) helps get rid of the highway, thus saving Jellyfish Fields. And the Krusty Krab.

Okay, so, I’m not saying that the environment isn’t important or that kids shouldn’t be getting environmental messages like this, but do they have to get them this often? And do they always have to be presented in such a preachy way? Granted, SpongeBob’s Last Stand isn’t as preachy as most environmental episodes of other shows are, but it’s still pretty preachy. Or maybe I’m just tired of seeing morals like this because I’ve seen it done in tons of movies and shows already, so it’s very possible my irritation is just a bias.

The songs in this episode are awful. Actually, the first song they sing is okay, it’s not very memorable but it’s kind of fun. That “Give Jellyfish Fields a Chance” song, though? Awful. It’s obviously a parody of John Lennon’s “Give Peace a Chance”, which, as a Lennon fan, I love the idea of. But all Give Jellyfish Fields a Chance is is a string of random words with a chorus that goes “All we are saying is give Jellyfish Fields a Chance”. Literally, it’s just a bunch of random, unrelated words in the verses and then that chorus. You think I’m kidding or exaggerating? I’m not. That’s what it is. Look it up and see for yourself.

The jokes in this episodes ranged from laugh-out-loud funny to facepalm-worthy. I laughed more than I facepalmed, though, so that’s a good thing. I also liked some of the darker imagery that was used, like when the Krusty Krab is desolate and empty after the highway was built, and when Bikini Bottom is overrun by jellyfish.

Overall, I’d say this episode is slightly below average, but it’s still watchable.

Rating: 4.5/10

After helping out Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, SpongeBob and Patrick are shown their room full of memorabilia, which includes their time machine. Even though they were told not to touch it, Patrick touches it, launching the four of them back in time. There, we see a younger and fitter Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy fighting Manray who apparently doesn’t age because he always looks the same. Or maybe he’s just in really good shape. What’s his secret? Anyway, Patrick freaks out and drags SpongeBob back to the time machine, leaving Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy stuck in the past. That’s when Barnacle Boy has his best line ever: “Why haven’t we had those two classified as villains yet?” 10/10 I cried. SpongeBob and Patrick go back to the present, but it’s an alternate timeline where Manray has taken over Bikini Bottom and forced everyone to be his slaves (Squilliam makes a small appearance that literally lasts ten seconds and I still had a mini fangirl meltdown my God what is wrong with me?). SpongeBob goes to the Krusty Krab to find out if he still has a job in this alternate timeline, and there he finds Barnacle Boy working as a cashier. Well, I always did think he and Squidward were similar. They even look similar! Oh, and Mermaid Man is working as a fry cook. SpongeBob convinces MM and BB to go back in time again and defeat Manray. They do so, and in classic time-travel confusion, a bunch of different SpongeBobs and Patrick keep showing up to stop Manray. While Manray is confused, the younger Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are able to place him under arrest, saving the future.

I love time-travel and all of its weird rules and paradoxes, so when I found out what the plot of this episode was, I was really excited. It turned out pretty good, though not quite as good as I was hoping. Most of the jokes got a giggle out of me, but I would have liked to have spent more time in the alternate timeline where Manray has taken over Bikini Bottom. I think it had more potential and I would have liked to see it explored more. They probably could have stretched this one out a few more minutes and made it a special (it’s already pretty long for just a regular episode anyway), which would have allowed for more time to explore the alternate timeline.

I liked how cold and dark everything (including the inside of the Krusty Krab) looked in the alternate timeline. Did I ever mention that I love when this show uses darker animation/imagery? Because I do. When it’s done right, that is. Anyway, I liked the look of the Manray’s Bikini Bottom, and even the citizens looked appropriately downtrodden and tired. Everything in the alternate timeline had an cold, grim, unsettling feeling, it was really interesting, and it just makes me wish we’d gotten to spend more time in it.

Overall, this is a decent episode, but I don’t think it quite reached its full potential.

Rating: 6.5/10

SpongeBob and Patrick watch a tape of “the lost episode” of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. The episode is basically just what’s on the tape. A bunch of villains, which includes Manray and the Dirty Bubble (like I’m going to bother listing the rest), are meeting secretly. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy suspect that they’re up to no good, so they crash the meeting along with the Ponderer, Miss Appear, The Elastic Wasteband, and Professor Magma. Wait, what? Professor Magma? It’s Captain Magma, damn it! And where’s the Quickster? And why do their costumes look nothing like they do in Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy V? Am I seriously geeking-out over super heroes in a cartoon? Yes. Yes I am. Anyway, a fight ensues ending with the villains being caught. Apparently they were only having a book club meeting, so MM and BB can’t imprison them. That’s it.

This is kind of a neat idea for an episode. It’s different, at least. I can’t say I laughed at much, but it did keep me entertained and the fight was kind of cool. I also like the old-fashioned art style that was used for the lost episode, that was a nice touch.

I liked seeing some of the Super Acquaintances from Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy V (either it or part III are my favorite MM and BB episodes), that was a nice reference and I appreciated it. But, I’m sorry, I must bring this up again: why is Captain Magma called Professor Magma instead, why do they all look nothing like they did in MM and BB V and where is the Quickster? I know it’s a nitpick, but  it bugged me a lot.

Oh well, this is still a pretty fun episode, but I probably wouldn’t revisit it. Although I would like to join the villains’ book club.

Rating: 6/10

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 7 (Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful/A Pal For Gary)

Squidward wakes up in a strangely cheerful mood and goes for a walk. He steps in some gum that was left on the road and is given a ticket for littering. He is sentenced to community service, where he runs into his soulmate Squilliam Fancyson. Squilliam brags about the statue that was built in his honor for cleaning up Bikini Bottom. Squidward says that he could get his own statue easily, and begins cleaning up all of the garbage in Bikini Bottom. Unfortunately, he has nowhere to put the garbage after picking it up. And he keeps getting more and more tickets in the process. SpongeBob offers to get rid of the garbage for him, but the dump is closed, so instead SpongeBob makes a replica of Squidward’s house made out of garbage. And Squidward walks into it and doesn’t realize it’s made of garbage until much later. Just… what. Anyway, Squidward gets yet another ticket and is upset about how he’ll never get a statue now. SpongeBob feels bad, so he makes him a statue made out of the garbage. Well, it’s a nice gesture, I suppose? Anyway, Squilliam shows up and laughs at the statue, but then the stench from Squidward’s statue melts Squilliam’s statue. Squilliam is given a ticket, which pleases Squidward, but then he and SpongeBob get tickets as well.

A lot of people dislike this episode because they think it has Squid Abuse. I think people should calm down and stop shouting “character abuse” at everything. Not every negative thing that happens to a character qualifies as mean-spirited or character abuse. One of these days I’ll have to take the time to explain exactly what I think qualifies as mean-spirited/character abuse, but I won’t do that right now. Soon, though.

Anyway, I don’t think this episode is mean-spirited. Yes, the Squidward-continuously-getting-tickets gag did get kind of annoying, but it doesn’t strike me as mean-spirited, it’s just a gag that got overused. There’s always been a kind of running gag throughout the show with the Bikini Bottom police overreacting to litter, but this episode went a little overboard with it.

As usual, I’m happy to see Squilliam in an episode, and that’s mainly what gives this episode points. I like that Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful ended with a tie between the two. Something I like about Squidward-Squilliam episodes is that the winner varies. Squidward wins in Band Geeks and House Fancy while Squilliam wins in Squilliam Returns and Professor Squidward (and I Heart Dancing, if you want to count that episode as well). And now Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful has them tie. I’m sure most people would prefer it if Squidward always won, but personally I like that Squilliam wins every now and then, it makes their episodes more interesting as you never know which way it’s going to go. Their dynamic would get dull if the winner was always the same.

Overall, this episode is average. I laughed at a couple of things, SpongeBob, though very misguided, was sweet and I loved Squilliam’s appearance, but the tickets gag got old quickly and the episode is rather weak from a writing and story-telling perspective since the writers based the episode primarily on a gag rather than an actual plot. When Squidward mentioned not getting a statue near the end, I’d actually forgotten that that was what he’d been trying to do.

Rating: 5/10

Sigh. It’s time…

Oh boy. This is the episode I’ve been dreading having to watch the most, besides perhaps One Coarse Meal (which will come later this season…). I was expecting the worst from this episode, and somehow it was still more horrible than I had imagined.

Ugh. Let’s start, as we always do, with a synopsis.

SpongeBob is feeling guilty about always leaving Gary home alone while he’s at work. I actually kind of like this beginning. It’s nice to see SpongeBob so concerned for his pet, and as a pet owner, I can relate to how he’s feeling. But don’t worry, the episode falls to shit soon enough. SpongeBob buys another pet to keep Gary company during the day, an unholy demon spawn straight from the darkest pits of hell that he calls Puffy Fluffy. The saleswoman warns SpongeBob that “Puffy Fluffy” is unsafe to have around other pets, but SpongeBob doesn’t listen. I don’t even feel like using that sarcastically-surprised-Iago video I would usually use here. Gary, who was never lonely to begin with as he spends his time alone watching westerns, is weary of the new pet, and he has good reason to be. Whenever SpongeBob isn’t looking, Puffy Fluffy tries to viciously attack Gary. Somehow, SpongeBob is completely oblivious to Puffy Fluffy’s ferocious behavior and Gary’s terror of the new pet, even though it couldn’t be more obvious. I’m not exaggerating, it’s literally happening right in front of his eyes, but SpongeBob continuously blames Gary for being a bad host to their new pet. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Okay, calm down, Sophie, save this for later. That night while SpongeBob is sleeping, Puffy Fluffy grows into an even more hideous and terrifying monster. He spends the night terrorizing Gary while Gary, the poor little mollusk, does his best to defend himself and SpongeBob’s home. SpongeBob wakes up the next day and finds Gary in Puffy Fluffy’s mouth, about to be eaten. And what does he say? “Gary, you put Puffy Fluffy down this instant!”

This goes beyond obliviousness or even stupidity. This is just delusional. How can SpongeBob still be blaming Gary for everything? No way is anyone that blind. No fucking way. Well, Puffy Fluffy puts Gary down and begins trying to eat SpongeBob instead, all while SpongeBob is still scolding Gary! AAAAARRRRRRGH NO THIS DOES NOT FLY, WRITERS, THIS DOES NOT FLY! Sophie, you’re almost done, you can do this. Gary, as usual, proves to be both adorable and bad ass, as he uses what he learned from watching all of those westerns to save SpongeBob and chase Puffy Fluffy away. Not that it matters, because SpongeBob still blames Gary for everything.

There aren’t enough angry gifs in the world to describe this episode. This is just the worst, most mean-spirited, soul-crushing, rage-inducing episode that could ever exist. It’s beyond mean-spirited, it’s cruel. Cruel, sadistic, and sickening to watch. This reaction might seem a tad ironic given that I just said in my Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful review that people shouldn’t call everything character abuse, but this absolutely is character abuse, and probably the most definitive example of it. Plus, it’s the worst kind of character abuse: Gary Abuse!

Even though Squidward is my favorite character, I think Gary Abuse is much worse than Squidward Abuse because Gary is an innocent animal. I know, technically they’re all animals, but Squidward and other characters talk, think and act like people, so for all intents and purposes, they are people. Gary is basically a cat. An intelligent and rather sassy cat, but still just a cat. I can’t stand seeing an innocent animal suffer, especially as a pet owner, so Gary Abuse is really hard for me to stomach. I don’t like it when other characters get mean-spirited treatment (lulz wanna read my Good Neighbors review again?), but Gary Abuse is definitely the most upsetting for me.

This episode was just painful to watch. I felt so awful for poor wittle Gary-poo (shut up, he’s adorable, okay?), I couldn’t stand seeing him in pain and terror like that. I was actually tempted to turn this episode off about halfway through, but I forced myself to keep watching until the end, by which time I was close to crying from frustration.

SpongeBob was at his absolute worst in this episode. His obliviousness was unbelievable. It’s a shame, because I had thought that SpongeBob’s personality had been starting to seem a bit more like his pre-movie self, and that he may even reclaim his spot as my third favorite character, but this episode took a huge step backwards. Seeing him portrayed in such a horrible way actually feels like an insult to the character, and I hope I never have to see my lovable sponge like this again.

I actually like some of the darker imagery in this episode, and like I said, the beginning is kind of nice, but it in no way makes up for what a cruel episode this is to what is arguably the most innocent character on the show. This episode could have been halfway decent if at the end SpongeBob had realized his mistakes and apologized for them, but no, the writers insisted on making him completely braindead and treating Gary like utter crap. A Pal For Gary is easily my least favorite episode so far (Gone, you have been beaten). All it is is a mean-spirited torture-fest for Gary. It’s horribly unpleasant to watch and I’d be much happier if this episode could be erased from my memory. Where did I put my brain bleach?

Rating: -5/10 (I would rate this much lower, but I’ve made it a rule for myself that I can’t rate episodes below -5, nor can I rate them above 15, otherwise it would screw up the season’s average rating too much. For the record, I also would have rated Gone lower.)

Special thanks to GordoktheMad and E.V.I.L for ranting about this with me on SBM and helping me get some of my anger out of my system.

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 6 (No Hat for Pat/Toy Store of Doom)

Patrick wants a hat like the one that SpongeBob wears to work, and Mr. Krabs wants to attract tourists to his restaurant, so he gives Patrick a job holding a sign to catch the attention of tourists’, promising him a hat in return. Of course Patrick messes everything up, but Krabs gives him a hat anyway because he’s so anxious for one. Apparently Patrick forgets how to stand when he gets nervous, so he keeps falling on his face. Kay. The Bikini Bottomites actually find it entertaining to watch Patrick continuously fall, though, so Krabs starts using Patrick to entertain customers… by falling. Over and over again. Whatever. SpongeBob begins to worry about Patrick being hurt after falling so much, but Patrick begs him not to say anything to Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob reluctantly agrees, but the next day Krabs is making Patrick fall into a bucket of spiky sea urchins from high up. SpongeBob tries to stop it from happening, but Krabs won’t hear any of it. Meanwhile, Patrick asks Squidward to give him a push, which Squidward gladly agrees to, but they both end up falling. Squidward falls into the bucket first and Patrick lands on top of him, completely unharmed. Oh, so now Squidward is being punished? Where was that attitude at the end of Gullible Pants, writers? Anyway, the Bikini Bottomites demand their money back and Mr. Krabs fires Patrick.

This episode reminds me of Big Pink Loser, only instead of trying to get an award Patrick is trying to get a hat. And it’s not as good as Big Pink Loser. I’m not even much of a fan of Big Pink Loser, I think it’s just decent, but compared to No Hat for Pat it’s a god.

Okay, I’m exaggerating. No Hat for Pat isn’t that bad, it’s watchable, but it’s a bit like Grooming Gary in the sense that there’s another episode a lot like it but better that you could be watching instead. I didn’t really get any laughs out of No Hat for Pat, the story is awkwardly paced and it’s kind of a stupid idea to begin with.

Rating: 4/10

SpongeBob and Patrick are bored one day, so they decide to go to the new toy store that has just opened in Bikini Bottom. They stay there all day, and when closing time comes neither of them wants to leave. Patrick convinces SpongeBob to hide until the guards leave so that they can stay in the toy store all night. SpongeBob agrees, but once they’re alone in the dark toy store, they start to get paranoid. Even the toys suddenly look scary. SpongeBob and Patrick wage war on the toys until morning, when they’re let out.

Well, this episode was funny and the plot is decent, but there is one major flaw with the episode that stops it from being as great as it could have been: the pacing is terrible. It takes way too long to get to the actual plot, which is SpongeBob and Patrick being locked in a toy store, and by the time they do get to that part there’s only a few minutes left. So we basically get seven minutes of set-up and about three minutes of the actual plot. The set-up is funny, but I can’t help feeling a bit cheated.

I do still like this episode, but I would have liked it a lot more if they’d paced it better.

There’s a dirty joke in this episode: “This isn’t a tu-tu, it’s a man-tu. You can tell because it has extra support.”

Rating: 7.5/10