SpongeBob Reviews: Season 8 (The Good Krabby Name/Move It or Lose It/Hello Bikini Bottom)

It begins with Krabs taking pictures of everyone in Bikini Bottom who hasn’t been to the Krusty Krab, which is a little creepy, but let’s not dwell on that. Later he pulls SpongeBob and Squidward into his office and tells them that they need to bring in new customers with advertising. So SpongeBob goes out to advertise (Squidward has no fucks to give as usual) and is later joined by Patrick. And that’s pretty much the majority of the episode. SpongeBob and Patrick find silly and often dangerous ways of advertising that are surprisingly successful, until finally they manage to piss people off when one of their methods goes awry. Well, more awry than their previous ones, I guess. Anyway, angry customers storm the Krusty Krab and of course it ends up destroyed. Can that place ever catch a break?

This episode has an okay premise. It does feel a bit familiar, but it’s original enough. Can’t say I really enjoyed it much, though. I found it rather dull. There are a few funny bits, but nothing that really stands out. Except maybe that one brilliant scene between Mr. Krabs and the last customer needed that looked oddly suggestive. Y’all know what I’m talking about.

I did find it kind of amusing that despite their terrible methods of advertising the Bikini Bottomites couldn’t help being drawn to the Krusty Krab. And Plankton’s cameo was kind of funny too. However, I don’t think the episode as a whole has much worth writing home about.

Rating: 4/10

A notice is put up in between the Krusty Krab and the Chum Bucket, saying that the restaurants are too close together. Apparently there’s a law about restaurants needing to be a hundred feet from each other, and the Krusty Krab and Chum Bucket are ninety-nine feet from each other. If one of them doesn’t move, one of them will get plowed. Mr. Krab and Plankton are both too stubborn to move, so they start gathering signatures for petitions to let their restaurant be the one to stay. At first it appears that Krabs is winning, but SpongeBob overhears Plankton crying and feels bad, so he lets slip some ideas for how Plankton can get more signatures. Basically Plankton pays people for them, and he ends up getting more, so the Krusty Krab has to be plowed. And by “plowed” I mean it gets pushed one foot away from the Chum Bucket, meeting the requirements.

I was hoping to like this episode more than I did, since I really like it when characters are pitted against each other for an episode. But like its partner, this episode was pretty forgettable. I like it a little more than I liked its partner, but not much more. The ending was really predictable, and I was kind of annoyed at how the whole plot basically came about because of poor communication (the man who left them the notice wasn’t clear about what he meant when he said one of them would be getting plowed). I don’t know, I’m not a fan of plots that rely on characters not being able to communicate properly and tell each other what they actually mean, and while this definitely wasn’t as annoying as most plots like this can be (if anything, it’s probably one of the better examples of this type of plot), I still couldn’t help rolling my eyes a little at the ending’s “reveal”.

I liked how excited Plankton was about the Krusty Krab being plowed, it reminded of the movie, when we was way too excited about Mr. Krabs being executed. I love that Plankton is actually starting to feel like a villain again.

Rating: 5.5/10

Squidward is practicing his clarinet (this is one of those episodes where he’s randomly able to play it well) and is heard by SpongeBob, who tries to join him with his ukelele. Squidward is unhappy about the intrusion, but they’re heard by a fish named Colonel Carper, who says he wants them to form a band with him as their manager. Squidward doesn’t like the idea of working with SpongeBob, but he does so anyway for the possibility of becoming famous. SpongeBob, bless his heart, doesn’t care about the money and fame and is just happy to be in a band with his friend. Mr. Krabs overhears CC talking about how much money they’ll make (a lot of overhearing happens at the beginning of this episode) and he forcefully makes himself band manager, despite CC’s warnings that managing a band is harder than it look. Most of this is explained through song. From there, a lot happens and I don’t want to spend too much time on it, but here’s what you need to know: Mr. Krabs is a terrible band manager, SpongeBob and Squidward are obviously both hoping to get different things out of their band, CC is an asshole but to be fair Krabs did deserve a lot of what CC did to him, and the band eventually fails because, as mentioned earlier, Mr. Krabs is a terrible band manager. After a particularly bad concert experience Krabs, Squidward and SpongeBob (and Patrick who was their roadie, but he doesn’t have much of a purpose in the narrative, really) end up stranded far from home thanks to a flat tire on their tour bus. Squidward decides he’s had enough and gives up on the band. SpongeBob tries to stop him, but Squidward begins walking home on his own. Then we get another song, this time an emotional duet between Squidward and SpongeBob which culminates in the two of them rejoining and playing their instruments together. What happens after this is a bit confusing, but basically the band still ends up failing.

Okay, so I thought this special was really funny. Like, probably one of the funnier post-movie episodes. I found Mr. Krabs especially hilarious, though I’m not entirely sure why since he didn’t have that many lines that were particularly clever or even particularly memorable, I just remember laughing because of him a lot. I think it was mostly his deliveries and facial expressions that made me laugh. Colonel Carper was a pretty funny character too, in a wow-what-an-obnoxious-asshole kind of way, and the fact that he’s voiced by Andy Samberg earns him some extra points in my books. Squidward and SpongeBob both had their fair share of funny moments too.

My only problem with the episode is unfortunately one that’s hard to ignore. I didn’t like the story. No, that’s not it. I liked the story, or I wanted to anyway, but I didn’t like what the story focused on. Wait. No. I can explain this, I swear.

I really liked the portions of the story that focused on SpongeBob and Squidward, and it seemed like that should have been the heart of the episode, but it took a backseat to Krabs’ conflict with Colonel Carper. And yeah, I found most of the stuff with Krabs and CC funny, but I was much more interested in what was happening with SpongeBob and Squidward. I liked that they were both clearly looking for something different out of their partnership, but Squidward eventually comes around to SpongeBob’s way of thinking. And hey, remember that thing Squidward used to do sometimes where he didn’t hate SpongeBob’s guts? HE DOES IT AGAIN IN HELLO BIKINI BOTTOM. It’s small and fleeting, but it’s something. And that’s all I really wanted, just something, however small and short-lived it may be, to show that Squidward’s heart isn’t made completely out of stone. Unfortunately that plotline seemed more like an afterthought. I wish it had been the main plot and that the Krabs-CC plotline was more secondary. It would have made the episode feel a lot more balanced and increased its replay value.

The music in the episode is pretty decent. The ukelele and clarinet combo actually did sound quite nice, and the song sung at the beginning is fun, though it does go on for way too long. The duet SpongeBob and Squidward sing at the end is nice, but I kind of ruined it for myself when this thought entered my mind about halfway through it: “Wow, I wonder how many slash fics were inspired by this scene?” That was all I could think about afterwards. Fandoms have polluted my mind.

I don’t know why, but I laughed really hard at the first line SpongeBob sings in the duet: “Squidward, you must look inward!” I have no idea why this lyric is so funny to me, it probably shouldn’t be. I just think it’s such a clever rhyme and I really wasn’t expecting it when I heard it.

Overall, it’s a good episode, and a good way to end the season.

Rating: 7.5/10

Wait… am I really done with Season 8 already? Didn’t I start Season 4, like, two days ago?!

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 8 (The Krabby Patty That Ate Bikini Bottom/Bubble Buddy Returns)

Mr. Krabs spots a giant bean growing in Sandy’s treedome and is curious about it, so he asks for a tour of her treedome. During the tour, Sandy tells him that she enlarged the bean with some growth serum, and Mr. Krabs wants to use the serum on a Krabby Patty to make an unlimited supply. He calls SpongeBob and asks him to bring a Patty, and with Sandy’s guidance they pour a few drops of the serum onto the Patty. Nothing appears to happen, so while Sandy goes to the little squirrel’s room (her words, not mine, gotta love puns) Krabs pours the whole bottle on the patty. It still doesn’t seem to work, but on their way back to the Krusty Krab the Patty starts to grow. It keeps growing in the restaurant, eventually consuming it and then going on to consume the rest of Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob and Patrick run to Sandy’s house, thinking that she must have a solution, and of course she does. She tells SpongeBob that her artificial intelligence cube told her her he needs to “make direct contact” with the Krabby Patty, which basically means he needs to absorb it. Yeah… we’ll get to that cube. Anyway, SpongeBob absorbs the Patty and Bikini Bottom is saved. But… would the Patty just keep growing inside him? Or was it done growing by the time he absorbed it? Whatever.

This episode reminds me a lot of Whelk Attack. It’s another parody of old, cheesy monster movies, specifically The Blob in this case. This one is weaker than Whelk Attack, though. The story isn’t put together as well, and it’s perhaps a bit too similar to Whelk Attack, particularly the second half. But I do want more episodes like this, where some sort of epidemic comes to Bikini Bottom, so I do appreciate this episode for that fact.

I was rather pleased at the beginning of this episode, when it seemed like this was going to be a Sandy-Krabs episode, which we’ve never seen before. Unfortunately that got forgotten pretty quickly and the episode returns to the usual dynamics. In fact, Krab just disappeared during the second half, which I found odd. Since he was the cause of the giant Krabby Patty, I kind of thought he would be more involved in the solution. Okay, fine, he didn’t just disappear for no reason, he got consumed by the Patty, but I still found it strange that he wasn’t at least mentioned in the second half. We see him again at the very end, but it doesn’t amount to anything. Am I the only one who finds it weird that Krabs isn’t more involved in the story?

And Sandy’s cube thing. Just… what. What was the point? When Sandy showed Krabs the cube at the beginning of the episode, I thought it was just a throwaway joke and forgot about it until it was brought up again. She describes it as a Rubik’s Cube that can solve itself, it sounded like a joke. Turns out it was a plot point, but… why? Couldn’t the characters have figured out what to do without the cube? Sandy figures things out all the time. Why add in the cube? It’s really baffling.

Anyway, this episode does have a few funny and entertaining bits, and I liked the idea, but it’s too weirdly put-together and it comes off as somewhat of a poor man’s Whelk Attack.

Rating: 6/10

SpongeBob gets a letter from Bubble Buddy (yes, that Bubble Buddy) asking him if he can watch Bubble Buddy’s son, Shiny, for the day. Well, “ask” isn’t the right word, as it implies that SpongeBob had a choice. Bubble Buddy sends the letter to SpongeBob’s house with Shiny, so it’s not like SpongeBob can say no. It doesn’t matter anyway because SpongeBob is perfectly happy to watch Shiny, but personally I’d be pissed if someone ambushed me into watching their kid. Anyway, SpongeBob needs to keep Shiny away from sharp/pointy objects that could potentially pop him, but Shiny keeps wandering off to dangerous areas and ruining people’s day (like father like son?). And people wonder why I don’t like kids. Anyway, that’s basically the whole episode. Shiny wanders off, SpongeBob rescues him and scolds him, rinse and repeat until Bubble Buddy shows up at the end to pick up Shiny.

So, this is the first episode to directly reference a previous episode and can be considered a “sequel” of sorts to said episode. The closest thing we’ve ever had to this before was Prehibernation Week and Survival of the Idiots, which are sort of related but not directly. Bubble Buddy Returns actually is directly related to a previous episode (it even references the fact that Bubble Buddy owes Mr. Krabs money!), though why it’s called “Bubble Buddy Returns” when it mostly features his son is beyond me. Bubble Buddy is only in the episode for, like, two minutes total.

I was really skeptical about this episode at first. Not because I thought it would ruin a “classic” or anything like that (I don’t even like the original Bubble Buddy episode that much, honestly), but because the idea of a direct sequel to an episode was off-putting for me. This show has never had continuity (besides small, indirect references to other episodes that would probably fly over the casual fan’s head) and I actually like that. It gives the writers more freedom, and it’s a lot easier to pretend episodes that I don’t like don’t exist when they don’t have any lasting effect on the show or characters. It’s also nice for newcomers to the show. They don’t have to start from the beginning of the show to understand what’s going on. I like that each episode is its own separate entity.

So, I had reservations about this episode the moment I saw the title of it. I didn’t like the idea of a direct sequel to an episode, I kept wondering what it meant for the show, whether there was some weird timeline to it after all. Now that I think about it, I have wished for one-time characters to reappear before (though Bubble Buddy would not have been one of choices), which would require some reference to previous episodes, and Friend or Foe actually did provide some continuity to the show. Krabs and Plankton’s relationship had been hinted about before then, so it wasn’t exactly a new addition, just expanding on something that was already there, but still, that episode did have a lasting effect on the Krabs-Plankton dynamic, it wasn’t just a one-shot thing. So, I suppose a little bit of continuity is okay to an extent, but I still wouldn’t want a concrete timeline to the show. This episode actually doesn’t do much for continuity anyway. It’s a sequel, sure, but it could also exist on its own. You wouldn’t need to watch the original episode to understand this one.

All that being said, good God this episode is boring. It was easy to forget my hang-ups about direct sequels to episodes when the sequel in question was putting me to sleep. It’s way too repetitive, the only interesting thing to happen in the episode was the ending when SpongeBob accidentally popped Shiny. Is it bad that I was kind of relieved when he got popped? It probably is.

I just thought of something. If Bubble Buddy has a son… does that mean Bubble Buddy has had sex? How can bubbles have sex anyway? Can they… can they pop each other when they put it in? Ugh, why am I thinking about bubble sex this much?! I’m too dirty-minded for my own good.  Shiny was probably the result of bubble-blowing, just like Bubble Buddy was. Though that also raises some questions. Was Bubble Buddy “born” when SpongeBob blew him? Oh dear, I shouldn’t use the word “blow” or participles of it when I’ve just been talking about bubble sex. I don’t even know where I’m going with this anymore. Never mind.

To sum up, I’m still on the fence about direct sequels to episodes, and this episode is a bore. Luckily I’m not a big fan of the original episode, so I’m not too disappointed by this one.

Rating: 2.5/10

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 8 (House Sittin’ For Sandy/Smoothe Jazz at Bikini Bottom)

Sandy asks SpongeBob to house sit for her and gives him a bunch of strict instructions to follow. While Sandy is gone, Patrick shows up and SpongeBob agrees to let him help as long as he promises not to screw anything up. However, SpongeBob accidentally activates Sandy’s robots (she has a warehouse full of them) and they destroy her treedome. Sandy comes home and they think she’s about to vaporize them with her laser, but it turns out the laser reverses rubble and fixes things? Kay. So she fixes everything easily and tells SpongeBob that she wanted him to destroy her house all along so she could test her invention. I…. I don’t… what. After that the robots are accidentally activated again and this time they break Sandy’s laser as well so she can’t fix anything. Yeah, because that was necessary.

If I could describe this episode in one word, it would be pointless. It’s sort like the Dear Vikings of Season 8, it doesn’t feel like an episode, it feels like eleven minutes of filler.

This isn’t even a bad idea for an episode necessarily, it’s just crappy execution. Lazy and lethargic. And kind of stupid, especially the ending. What was the point in having the robots destroy Sandy’s house twice? What was the point of her laser that fixes everything if the episode is going to end with her house destroyed anyway? The laser isn’t even a clever idea.

Also, SpongeBob isn’t wearing his water helmet for half of the episode because… because why? Why is he not wearing his water helmet? And why does he not realize this until Patrick points it out to him? How is that even possible? I know it’s a joke, but it’s a stupid, nonsensical joke.

I did enjoy that little Spandy hint, and I remember laughing a couple of times, but I can’t remember what I laughed at. Like I said, this is basically the Dear Vikings of Season 8 for me. It’s just a boring, empty, nonsensical episode, but not worth expending hatred on. Hatred takes energy, and I’m not going to waste energy on an episode that the writers clearly didn’t put any energy into themselves.

Rating: 2/10

That title seems wrong. Shouldn’t it be Smoothe Jazz in Bikini Bottom, or am I mistaken?

Squidward has a ticket to go see his favorite clarinetist, Kelpy G (nice pun, writers) in concert. Unfortunately, Patrick eats his ticket because Squidward kind of shoves it into his mouth accidentally. Well, that was a forced plot-point. Anyway, SpongeBob wins a pair of tickets to the concert as well as backstage passes and invites Squidward along. So, they go to the concert together and SpongeBob keeps embarrassing Squidward because he has the audacity to be happy and excited and cephalopods obviously hate joy or something so how dare he. Okay, I’m kidding, SpongeBob actually was a bit obnoxious, and it’s expected for the cephalopods to be snooty, but I guess I can’t help finding SpongeBob’s enthusiasm endearing, even if it was a tad inappropriate. Anyway, the concert starts and Patrick is somehow there even though the concert was said to be sold-out before. And he’s there for nachos, because apparently he can’t get nachos anywhere else? And then he eats Squidward’s backstage pass, through no fault of Squidward’s this time, he just eats it. SpongeBob offers Squidward his backstage pass, which is really sweet of him, but Patrick eats that too. Well, shit. And then for some reason Patrick gets on stage and tries to order nachos there? What is even happening in this episode. Anyway, security tries to get him off stage, but Patrick escapes by stage diving, and the other cephalopods are apparently fine with this even though they hated SpongeBob’s behavior earlier. Squidward and SpongeBob chase after Patrick hoping to get their passes back (good luck with that) and they end up getting told to go back to their seats. But their seats have been taken by someone else, so they get kicked out. What. They find a way to sneak back stage, but get caught by Kelpy G’s manager. Squidward tries to impress Kelpy’s manager by playing his clarinet while SpongeBob plays his ukulele. Kelpy hears them playing during his intermission and is impressed by SpongeBob’s ukulele playing. He pushes Squidward to the ground (!!!!!) and invites SpongeBob to play on stage with him. SpongeBob does so and Squidward gets thrown out of the concert.

I like this episode. No seriously, I do. I know it seemed like I was really taking the piss out of this episode, and there is a lot of stupidity in it, but I just can’t dislike it for some reason. I guess you could count this episode as somewhat of a guilty pleasure for me.

But yeah, it’s undeniable that this episode has problems. One of them is Patrick.

You know, I watched some pre-movie episodes for the first time in months a few days ago, and I was startled to realize how much I like Patrick. I know it sounds silly, but I’d forgotten. He’s actually quite endearing in most pre-movie episodes. It’s probably because back then his stupidity was usually harmless. If anything his stupidity was more detrimental to himself than to the people around him, so he can even be a bit sympathetic. Plus, there was actual wit behind his stupidity. Yes, that is possible. I don’t think a lot of people realize this, but doing stupid humor well is actually really hard. There needs to be some sort of cleverness behind it for it to work, it can’t just be pure, abstract randomness. Sometimes Patrick in post-movie reminds me of those annoying people in high school who would run around yelling things like “CHEESE” and think that they were funny because ~*omg so random lel*~. Ugh, no.

The problem I have with Patrick in post-movie is not just that his humor is (usually) not utilized as well in post-movie, it’s that Patrick himself has become rather unlikable. His stupidity is harmful to other characters the majority of the time and he’s often around just to screw things up for other characters. And he always gets away with it. He’s never punished for his actions, it’s always other characters who get punished instead. I hate that. And have you ever noticed that Patrick never gets abused? I can’t think of a single episode that would qualify as “Patrick Abuse”. I’m not saying I want Patrick Abuse to happen, not at all, I just think it’s noteworthy that he’s the only character who has never gotten it.

Anyway, in Smoothe Jazz at Bikini Bottom, Patrick is basically only used to cause trouble for Squidward and gets off scot-free. It’s really quite irritating, as he had no purpose in this episode besides that. It would bother me less if he was actually being funny, but he wasn’t. He was just an annoyance.

I was also really bothered by the ending of this episode, particularly the part where Kelpy pushes Squidward over while Squidward is trying to speak to him. Dude, that is just mean. Kelpy will let a guy come on stage and order nachos in the middle of the concert, but he won’t take a few seconds to talk to a fan that has something to say to him? In I’m Your Biggest Fanatic, Kevin the sea cucumber was being incredibly mean to his fan, SpongeBob, but at least in that episode Kevin was clearly the antagonist and got what he deserved. Plus, that episode served as a moral about hero-worship. In Smoothe Jazz at Bikini Bottom, it’s just mean-spiritedness. You could argue that Squidward had it coming for sneaking backstage where he wasn’t supposed to be, but SpongeBob did that too and he didn’t get the same treatment, so the argument is moot in my opinion.

All that being said, I don’t dislike this episode. Maybe it’s due to low expectations after everything I’d heard about it, or maybe it’s because I watched it immediately after I watched the borefest that is House Sittin’ For Sandy and anything is enjoyable after that as long as it’s interesting. SJABB is a mess, but at least it’s not boring. I don’t think I’d go out of my way to watch SJABB again, but I really did enjoy it, even with all of the forced plot-points, stupidity and the meanness of the ending. It was entertaining, occasionally kind of funny, and SpongeBob was actually really sweet in this episode, though I do wonder why he didn’t at least try to stand up for Squidward at the end. Considering how hard he was trying to make Squidward happy earlier in the episode, it seems a bit strange that he would just forget about him. Oh well, he was still sweet and endearing for most of it, and he’s mainly what I enjoyed about this episode.

Rating: 6/10

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 7 (The Monster Who Came to Bikini Bottom/Welcome to the Bikini Bottom Triangle)

Ah, so we’ve come to the Legends of Bikini Bottom miniseries.

A hideous radioactive monster comes to Bikini Bottom and Patrick befriends it. However, Raarg (that’s what they call the monster, since that’s all he’s able to say) proves to be too dangerous to be around, as he destroys Patrick, SpongeBob and Squidward’s houses. The Bikini Bottom police run Raarg out of town and, uh, that’s about it, at least the stuff of importance.

So, let’s start with that was good about the episode. Squidward, for what little he was in the episode, was funny (I’ll definitely be quoting “Keep looking, you’ll find someone who cares” in the future), the Bikini Bottom police were kind of amusing and Gary, as usual, was adorable, as was SpongeBob’s concern for him when his house was smashed. That’s pretty much where the list of good things about this episode ends.

I guess Patrick’s friendship with the monster was kind of cute, but most of their “bonding” scenes bored me, so I can’t really say I liked it. Plus, the idea of this episode doesn’t interest me much to begin with. I’ve seen it done so many times before, and I’ve seen it done much better than this. Maybe you could say that this episode was supposed to be more of a parody of the whole person-befriends-misunderstood-monster cliche, but if it was supposed to be a parody, it didn’t do it very well. It didn’t make fun of the cliche or make any witty observations about the cliche, it just… used the cliche. That’s not a parody. That’s just using a cliche.

Rating: 4/10

Dat title card.

SpongeBob, Squidward and Patrick wake up one morning with important possessions of their’s missing. SpongeBob is missing his alarm clock and Gary’s shell, Squidward is missing his clarinet and Patrick is missing his… cuff links? Kay. SpongeBob and Squidward go to work only to find that Mr. Krabs is missing too and Pearl is attempting to run the restaurant for him. Some old guy tells SpongeBob the legend of the Bikini Bottom Triangle, which is where missing items often end up. When a fog rolls over Bikini Bottom and mermaids can be heard singing, it means items are about to be sucked into the BBT. This happens again, and this time SpongeBob and Squidward are taken to the BBT as well. It’s there that they find Krabs, and later Pearl and Patrick end up in the BBT as well. They find the mermaids and ask them to help them get back home, but the mermaids are uninterested in helping them. Then Pearl throws a tantrum because she wants to go to the mall, and the mermaids ask her what a mall is. Pearl tells them it’s a place full of new things to buy, which interests the mermaids, since the reason they bring things into the BBT is because they want more stuff to collect.  So, the mermaids sing their song backwards to send everything in the BBT back to its rightful place, then they head off to the mall with Pearl.

This episode wasn’t as good (or as dark) as I had been hoping it would be. I liked the idea of the Bikini Bottom Triangle (an obvious parody of the Bermuda Triangle), and I was hoping this episode would be sort of like SB-129 or Squidward in Clarinetland, dark and eerie and full of wtf-worthy scenes/imagery. This episode was kind of bland, though. The plot sounds like it’s going to be an exciting adventure, but not much actually happens. They just end up in the Bikini Bottom Triangle, hang out there for a bit and then go back home.

Some of the character interactions were entertaining, but there wasn’t much to laugh at in the episode and, like I said, the execution of the plot was really bland and uninspired. This was a really disappointing episode for me, because I’d been expecting so much more from it.

I just remembered, wasn’t there a Dutchman’s Triangle in one episode?

Rating: 3.5/10

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 7 (The Curse of Bikini Bottom/Squidward in Clarinetland)

SpongeBob and Patrick are bored one day, so they sneak into Squidward’s shed to look for something to play with. Squidward catches them, and they explain that they wanted to play with his lawn mower. Squidward lets them use the lawn mower hoping that they’ll mow his lawn and injure themselves in the process. That doesn’t happen. Instead, SpongeBob and Patrick ride the lawn mower into the cematary. The lawn mower goes over the Flying Dutchman and shaves off his beard (for God’s sake, he’s a ghost!). The Flying Dutchman is furious with them and as punishment turns them into ghosts. At first, SpongeBob and Patrick are excited. They try to haunt Squidward for fun, but Squidward just sprays them with a hose. But… but… they’re ghosts. Whatever. That night, they return home (where they discover they can go through walls) and try to sleep, but sleep proves to be impossible since they can now see through their eyelids. Okay, that’s a pretty funny idea. SpongeBob tries to go to work the next morning and is unable to make Krabby Patties because he can’t hold things as a ghost. Yet he was able to be sprayed with water from Squidward’s hose? Writers, do you even logic? Anyway, Patrick is also upset because he can’t eat food anymore, everything goes right through him. He and SpongeBob beg the Flying Dutchman to lift their curse, but the Dutchman refuses because his beard hasn’t grown back yet. SpongeBob and Patrick give him a makeover (no really) and the Dutchman lifts their curse.

This episode is supposed to be something of a Halloween special, which is kind of cool because we haven’t had one since Scaredy Pants back in Season 1. The premise is an interesting idea, but I don’t think it was utilized to its full potential, and the rules of being a ghost are really confusing and contradictory. Objects are shown to pass through them, yet the Dutchman got run over by a lawn mower and SpongeBob and Patrick got sprayed with water. What sense does that make? It was really distracting.

If you can get past the lack of logic, it’s a decent enough episode. At the very least it’s entertaining and there were a couple of things that got a laugh out of me.

Rating: 5.5/10

Squidward demands that Mr. Krabs gives him a locker where he can keep his clarinet (he has an audition after work), so Krabs gives him one for him and SpongeBob to share. SpongeBob keeps expanding the locker, making it harder and harder for Squidward to find his clarinet. Eventually, Squidward ends up in a strange place called Clarinetland, where he chases after SpongeBob, who’s holding his clarinet. It’s unclear whether this is all a dream or not, and I’m not going to try explaining all of the weird stuff that happens in Clarinetland because it’s really, really weird, trippy and rather creepy. Suddenly, Squidward appears to return to the normal world. He asks SpongeBob where his clarinet is, and SpongeBob tells him that he had been holding it for Squidward to keep it safe. Squidward snaps and throws SpongeBob in the locker, ties it up with chains so he can’t get out, and throws the locker on a bus. Dude. That’s pretty harsh. Chill out. Anyway, Squidward then goes to his audition, and when he opens his clarinet case, out comes SpongeBob, which sends Squidward running away in terror.

Apparently we’re following in the footsteps of Scaredy Pants and making the sister episode to the Halloween special even more unsettling than the actual Halloween special. I didn’t think it would ever be possible, but I think this beats I Was a Teenage Gary in weirdness. This is the strangest, creepiest episode of the show so far. And I think I liked it. I think I liked it a lot.

I Was a Teenage Gary was always something of a guilty pleasure for me. I don’t exactly think it’s good, but it’s so fascinating in its strangeness that I tend to want to watch it. I feel similarly about Squidward in Clarinetland. I don’t think I’d call it good, but it’s fascinating to watch.

This episode is supposed to be a reference to Alice in Wonderland, which I think is awesome because Alice in Wonderland is one of my favorite books. Unfortunately, I don’t think the writers have actually read Alice in Wonderland. I think they just knew that Alice in Wonderland is about a lot of really weird stuff happening in a weird land, and they decided to make an episode like that. It’s a little disappointing, because I would have loved for there to be more references to Alice in Wonderland, like maybe a parody of the Mad Hatter and the March Hare, or the Cheshire Cat, which are such iconic characters that you wouldn’t have to have read the book to understand the references. I suppose the way Squidward enters Clarinetland is similar to the way Alice enters Wonderland, and Squidward chasing after SpongeBob was a reference to the White Rabbit, but that’s about as far as it goes and even that feels like a bit of a stretch. It seems like a wasted opportunity to me.

It also takes a while for the episode to get to Clarinetland, and when it does it only stays there for a few minutes, which again feels like a wasted opportunity.

Still, I did really like this episode, it’s extremely enjoyable in a mindfuck kind of way. The weird and sometimes disturbing imagery were actually really cool to see, and some of the jokes were actually pretty funny, though they take a backseat to the weirdness of the episode.

Rating: 9/10 

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 7 (Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful/A Pal For Gary)

Squidward wakes up in a strangely cheerful mood and goes for a walk. He steps in some gum that was left on the road and is given a ticket for littering. He is sentenced to community service, where he runs into his soulmate Squilliam Fancyson. Squilliam brags about the statue that was built in his honor for cleaning up Bikini Bottom. Squidward says that he could get his own statue easily, and begins cleaning up all of the garbage in Bikini Bottom. Unfortunately, he has nowhere to put the garbage after picking it up. And he keeps getting more and more tickets in the process. SpongeBob offers to get rid of the garbage for him, but the dump is closed, so instead SpongeBob makes a replica of Squidward’s house made out of garbage. And Squidward walks into it and doesn’t realize it’s made of garbage until much later. Just… what. Anyway, Squidward gets yet another ticket and is upset about how he’ll never get a statue now. SpongeBob feels bad, so he makes him a statue made out of the garbage. Well, it’s a nice gesture, I suppose? Anyway, Squilliam shows up and laughs at the statue, but then the stench from Squidward’s statue melts Squilliam’s statue. Squilliam is given a ticket, which pleases Squidward, but then he and SpongeBob get tickets as well.

A lot of people dislike this episode because they think it has Squid Abuse. I think people should calm down and stop shouting “character abuse” at everything. Not every negative thing that happens to a character qualifies as mean-spirited or character abuse. One of these days I’ll have to take the time to explain exactly what I think qualifies as mean-spirited/character abuse, but I won’t do that right now. Soon, though.

Anyway, I don’t think this episode is mean-spirited. Yes, the Squidward-continuously-getting-tickets gag did get kind of annoying, but it doesn’t strike me as mean-spirited, it’s just a gag that got overused. There’s always been a kind of running gag throughout the show with the Bikini Bottom police overreacting to litter, but this episode went a little overboard with it.

As usual, I’m happy to see Squilliam in an episode, and that’s mainly what gives this episode points. I like that Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful ended with a tie between the two. Something I like about Squidward-Squilliam episodes is that the winner varies. Squidward wins in Band Geeks and House Fancy while Squilliam wins in Squilliam Returns and Professor Squidward (and I Heart Dancing, if you want to count that episode as well). And now Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful has them tie. I’m sure most people would prefer it if Squidward always won, but personally I like that Squilliam wins every now and then, it makes their episodes more interesting as you never know which way it’s going to go. Their dynamic would get dull if the winner was always the same.

Overall, this episode is average. I laughed at a couple of things, SpongeBob, though very misguided, was sweet and I loved Squilliam’s appearance, but the tickets gag got old quickly and the episode is rather weak from a writing and story-telling perspective since the writers based the episode primarily on a gag rather than an actual plot. When Squidward mentioned not getting a statue near the end, I’d actually forgotten that that was what he’d been trying to do.

Rating: 5/10

Sigh. It’s time…

Oh boy. This is the episode I’ve been dreading having to watch the most, besides perhaps One Coarse Meal (which will come later this season…). I was expecting the worst from this episode, and somehow it was still more horrible than I had imagined.

Ugh. Let’s start, as we always do, with a synopsis.

SpongeBob is feeling guilty about always leaving Gary home alone while he’s at work. I actually kind of like this beginning. It’s nice to see SpongeBob so concerned for his pet, and as a pet owner, I can relate to how he’s feeling. But don’t worry, the episode falls to shit soon enough. SpongeBob buys another pet to keep Gary company during the day, an unholy demon spawn straight from the darkest pits of hell that he calls Puffy Fluffy. The saleswoman warns SpongeBob that “Puffy Fluffy” is unsafe to have around other pets, but SpongeBob doesn’t listen. I don’t even feel like using that sarcastically-surprised-Iago video I would usually use here. Gary, who was never lonely to begin with as he spends his time alone watching westerns, is weary of the new pet, and he has good reason to be. Whenever SpongeBob isn’t looking, Puffy Fluffy tries to viciously attack Gary. Somehow, SpongeBob is completely oblivious to Puffy Fluffy’s ferocious behavior and Gary’s terror of the new pet, even though it couldn’t be more obvious. I’m not exaggerating, it’s literally happening right in front of his eyes, but SpongeBob continuously blames Gary for being a bad host to their new pet. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Okay, calm down, Sophie, save this for later. That night while SpongeBob is sleeping, Puffy Fluffy grows into an even more hideous and terrifying monster. He spends the night terrorizing Gary while Gary, the poor little mollusk, does his best to defend himself and SpongeBob’s home. SpongeBob wakes up the next day and finds Gary in Puffy Fluffy’s mouth, about to be eaten. And what does he say? “Gary, you put Puffy Fluffy down this instant!”

This goes beyond obliviousness or even stupidity. This is just delusional. How can SpongeBob still be blaming Gary for everything? No way is anyone that blind. No fucking way. Well, Puffy Fluffy puts Gary down and begins trying to eat SpongeBob instead, all while SpongeBob is still scolding Gary! AAAAARRRRRRGH NO THIS DOES NOT FLY, WRITERS, THIS DOES NOT FLY! Sophie, you’re almost done, you can do this. Gary, as usual, proves to be both adorable and bad ass, as he uses what he learned from watching all of those westerns to save SpongeBob and chase Puffy Fluffy away. Not that it matters, because SpongeBob still blames Gary for everything.

There aren’t enough angry gifs in the world to describe this episode. This is just the worst, most mean-spirited, soul-crushing, rage-inducing episode that could ever exist. It’s beyond mean-spirited, it’s cruel. Cruel, sadistic, and sickening to watch. This reaction might seem a tad ironic given that I just said in my Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful review that people shouldn’t call everything character abuse, but this absolutely is character abuse, and probably the most definitive example of it. Plus, it’s the worst kind of character abuse: Gary Abuse!

Even though Squidward is my favorite character, I think Gary Abuse is much worse than Squidward Abuse because Gary is an innocent animal. I know, technically they’re all animals, but Squidward and other characters talk, think and act like people, so for all intents and purposes, they are people. Gary is basically a cat. An intelligent and rather sassy cat, but still just a cat. I can’t stand seeing an innocent animal suffer, especially as a pet owner, so Gary Abuse is really hard for me to stomach. I don’t like it when other characters get mean-spirited treatment (lulz wanna read my Good Neighbors review again?), but Gary Abuse is definitely the most upsetting for me.

This episode was just painful to watch. I felt so awful for poor wittle Gary-poo (shut up, he’s adorable, okay?), I couldn’t stand seeing him in pain and terror like that. I was actually tempted to turn this episode off about halfway through, but I forced myself to keep watching until the end, by which time I was close to crying from frustration.

SpongeBob was at his absolute worst in this episode. His obliviousness was unbelievable. It’s a shame, because I had thought that SpongeBob’s personality had been starting to seem a bit more like his pre-movie self, and that he may even reclaim his spot as my third favorite character, but this episode took a huge step backwards. Seeing him portrayed in such a horrible way actually feels like an insult to the character, and I hope I never have to see my lovable sponge like this again.

I actually like some of the darker imagery in this episode, and like I said, the beginning is kind of nice, but it in no way makes up for what a cruel episode this is to what is arguably the most innocent character on the show. This episode could have been halfway decent if at the end SpongeBob had realized his mistakes and apologized for them, but no, the writers insisted on making him completely braindead and treating Gary like utter crap. A Pal For Gary is easily my least favorite episode so far (Gone, you have been beaten). All it is is a mean-spirited torture-fest for Gary. It’s horribly unpleasant to watch and I’d be much happier if this episode could be erased from my memory. Where did I put my brain bleach?

Rating: -5/10 (I would rate this much lower, but I’ve made it a rule for myself that I can’t rate episodes below -5, nor can I rate them above 15, otherwise it would screw up the season’s average rating too much. For the record, I also would have rated Gone lower.)

Special thanks to GordoktheMad and E.V.I.L for ranting about this with me on SBM and helping me get some of my anger out of my system.

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 5 (Banned in Bikini Bottom/Stanley S. SquarePants)

A snooty old woman named Ms. Gristlepuss visits the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob is running around like a lunatic singing about how much he loves Krabby Patties. Um, okay. Ms. Gristlepuss is disgusted with his behavior and when she finds out that Krabby Patties are the cause of it, she bans them from Bikini Bottom. Mr. Krabs is miserable until SpongeBob suggests they open a secret Krusty Krab. They do so in SpongeBob’s house. Plankton finds out and calls the cops on them. The police and Ms. Gristlepuss arrives on the scene and a Krabby Patty falls into Gristlepuss’ mouth in the confusion. Of course she loves the Krabby Patty and decides to let the Krusty Krab be opened again.

This… wasn’t a very good episode. The only characters who were the slightest bit amusing were Squidward, Mr. Krabs and Plankton (SURPRISE SURPRISE). Other than that, this episode is rather boring. The song is annoying and I swear they were making up the melody on the spot. What is the melody even supposed to be? I can’t figure it out, that’s how bad it is.

Also, Mrs. Gristlepuss’ design grosses me out. Just… ew.

Rating: 1/10

SpongeBob’s cousin Stanley is sent to live with SpongeBob because Stanley is an idiotic, incompetent klutz who literally destroys everything he touches. SpongeBob gets him a job at the Krusty Krab and covers for him whenever he messes up, but he eventually loses his cool and tells Mr. Krabs that Stanley was the one who screwed up everything. Stanley runs off crying, but then Mr. Krabs sends him to work at the Chum Bucket, which Stanley promptly destroys.

This is one of the most hated episodes of the series, and now that I’ve seen it I can say that it’s definitely as bad as everyone said it was.

Stanley has got to be the worst one-time character the show has ever had. There’s klutzy in a charming way, and then there’s klutzy in a dear-God-just-tie-up-his-arms-and-legs-and-put-him-in-the-corner-so-he-won’t-ruin-anything way. Yeah, he’s that annoying. Oh, and I hate his design too.

And… was that Plankton Abuse at the end? I think that was Plankton Abuse. He didn’t deserve to have his restaurant destroyed. I know he’s evil, but he didn’t actually do anything in this episode. That was just unnecessary. I actually felt sorry for him. He was all happy that he was about to get a helpful employee and then his restaurant gets destroyed. Poor Plankypoo… what? Plankton is adorable, admit it.

This episode is unfunny and incredibly annoying. Bleh.

Rating: -2/10

Well, a crappy ending to what I thought was a decent season. Tomorrow I will post an overview of the season, as I did with Season 4, and in a few days from now I’ll begin Season 6.

Oh yes, and I also edited my review of The Donut of Shame, as I said I would.

SpongeBob Reviews: Season 5 (Pest of the West/20,000 Patties Under the Sea/The Battle of Bikini Bottom)

Not a three episode set. A special and an episode pair. Yay.

SpongeBob is upset because everyone but him has a famous relative. Sandy tries to cheer him up by taking him to the library to research his family tree. They discover that SpongeBob has a relative named SpongeBuck who was responsible for saving Dead Eye Gulch (what they called Bikini Bottom back in the old west). Aaaaaaand flashback time! We see SpongeBuck arriving in Dead Eye Gulch and applying for a job at the Krusty Kantina (which is a saloon where Mr. Krabs, Squidward and, strangely, Mrs. Puff’s ancestors work). However, they mistakenly think he wants a job as sheriff and make him one. SpongeBuck discovers that the town is being terrorized by a villain named Dead Eye, who is none other than Larry the Lobster’s ancestor. Nah, I’m just kidding. It’s Plankton’s ancestor. Dead Eye Plankton runs SpongeBuck out of town, but Patrick’s ancestor finds him and convinces SpongeBuck that he needs to face Dead Eye. Meanwhile, Dead Eye is terrorizing the town even more now that there’s no sheriff (he’s literally taking the clothes off people’s backs). SpongeBuck tries to convince everyone to stand up to Dead Eye with him, but all of them are too scared. Dead Eye shows up and it’s time for the final showdown between him and SpongeBuck. They walk towards each other and SpongeBuck steps on Dead Eye. That’s when everyone realizes that they could have easily stepped on Dead Eye before since he’s so tiny. Krabs’ ancestor starts charging people to step on Dead Eye, SpongeBuck is praised as a hero and a statue is made in his honor. Back in the present, SpongeBob wonders what happened to the statue. He visits a statue covered from head to toe in jellyfish poop and begins rubbing it off, revealing a golden statue of SpongeBuck.

I liked this episode. The plot is a little cliche but the jokes were funny. They even did that stupid villain-laughs-but-then-starts-coughing gag and it actually got a chuckle out of me. Dead Eye Plankton was great. Not as great as Squidly from Dunces and Dragons, but still great.

Handlebar mustaches ftw!

I could have done without the crap-covered statue, though. And SpongeBob rubbing himself against it. Ew.

Rating: 7/10

This episode has Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed as guest stars? That just raised the coolness factor of this episode.

SpongeBob and Patrick find an old submarine and Mr. Krabs decides to turn it into a mobile restaurant. When Plankton sees this, he decides to make his own mobile restaurant. They go around town trying to attract customers and eventually fall into an abyss. The abyss is inhabited by a monster, and SpongeBob feeds it Krabby Patties to appease it. After that, the monster wants desert. It mistakes Plankton for a chocolate eclair and chases after him while SpongeBob and Patrick return to the Krusty Krab.

Kay, so you can’t really talk about this episode without mentioning this:

FAN FICTION WRITERS, TO YOUR KEYBOARDS!

But seriously, if that isn’t shipping fodder then I don’t know what is.

Man, this season has a lot of Plankton episodes. This one isn’t very memorable. I just watched it and I can barely remember what happened in it (besides the “I like Squidward” thing, but how do you forget that?). That’s not a good sign, but I guess that means it couldn’t have been that bad either.

Rating: 4.5/10

SpongeBob and Patrick come across a reenactment of the Battle of Bikini Bottom, which was a battle between clean freaks and slobs. Patrick proudly declares his support of the slobs, saying that he loves being filthy. This disgusts the extremely clean-cut SpongeBob, and the two are at war, SpongeBob trying to clean Patrick and Patrick trying to get SpongeBob dirty. Both succeed in the end, and Patrick is pleased because now that he’s clean he can get even filthier, and SpongeBob is pleased because he can now spend the whole day cleaning himself.

This episode goes out of its way to be gross. It can’t even be referred to as “gross-out humor” because there’s no actual humor to it. They don’t bother writing a joke around the grossness, it’s just gross for the sake of being gross.

I like the idea of the characters reenacting a battle, but this really wasn’t the way to do it.

Rating: 1/10